In the Far Long Ago of 2012, Nintendo released the Wii U. It was a good machine that failed because Nintendo is Nintendo and thought sheer arrogance could sell a console. It’s also the place Miiverse was born, an inbuilt social media service that I, for one, thought was a bloody brilliant idea.
So brilliant, in fact, Nintendo just had to fuck up and reveal it’s not coming to the Switch. Because of course.
To commemorate Nintendo’s decision to not continue with a good idea, I took a trip down memory lane so we could talk about the Miiverse’s most important contribution to society, and still a far better use of the Rabbids Land section.
The Dafoeverse began before the Wii U was even officially released. Back when Nintendo would actually talk to me (can’t think why they don’t anymore), I received a review unit of the Wii U shortly ahead of its worldwide launch, allowing me to try out many of the games and, more importantly, shitpost like a champion all over Miiverse.
Which I did.
After receiving quite possibly the first post deletion in Miiverse’s history I decided to take one community in particular and do… elegant things with it.
Rabbids Land was rubbish. A typical Ubisoft cash grab, the forgettable minigame collection existed just to rake in some dollars from gullible launch day buyers. It would have no legacy at all, save for the fact its Miiverse community became the home of Willem Dafoe, legendary actor and terrifying eater of dreams.
I decided that Rabbids Land was too boring to be allowed a normal Miiverse community, so I quickly declared it the unofficial fan page of Willem Dafoe and quickly began filling it with drawings of everybody’s favorite Human Nightmare.
The idea took off.
One of the earlier examples (though not the first, since they’re hard to track down), this post highlights the importance of making Willem Dafoe a figure of fear as well as fun. It’s crucial others are aware that, despite being a celebrated performer, Willem Dafoe is best put to use as a vague threat, falsely quoted as saying creepy, loosely detailed things.
Also I’m not very good at drawing Willem Dafoe.
By contrast, others are simply amazing at doodling the Grinning Gurner, able to recreate his rictus visage with pinpoint accuracy. The glory days of the Dafoeverse saw some impressive artistic talent passing through. It’s a shame Nintendo disrespects their legacy and profoundly shits upon the very notion of art itself by beginning its plan to abandon Miiverse forever.
All these Dafoes will be lost like tears in rain, and nobody shall avenge them.
Gotta love that Ganondorfoe!
Some Rabbids Land Miiverse posters despised the encroachment of the Dafoeverse, clinging to the feeble belief that Rabbids Land was actually worth talking about. These people were and are tasteless idiots. They deserve to be ignored by society at large and should be made pariahs among their family.
This was a (righteous) response to the naysayers who believed Rabbids Land needed to reclaim “its” Miiverse from Willem Dafoe.
I believe what I said here turned out to be true. Ubisoft’s crummy minigame collection is barely remembered, but those of us with relevance still fly the flag of the gap-toothed celebrity titan.
Dafoe puns were, naturally, a huge part of the experience. Here, videogame critic and lovely boy Jonathan Holmes showcases one of his valiant contributions to the cause.
Like I said, puns were pretty popular.
Puns that would get more tortuous as time went on.
The Dafoeverse even got press recognition. Here’s some sort of Videogame Magazine talking about the beautiful things we did to praise and worship Willem Dafoe.
A member of the experimental theatre company the Wooster Group, Willem Dafoe was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his roles as Elias in Oliver Stone’s Platoon (1986) and Max Schreck in the comedy-horror film Shadow of the Vampire (2000). His other film appearances include The Last Temptation of Christ (1988), The English Patient (1996), American Psycho (2000) and the Spider-Man trilogy (2002–07). He has also had voice roles in Finding Nemo and its sequel (2003–16), Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) and the forthcoming adaptation of Death Note (2017).
This is one of the earliest surviving Dafoeverse posts from yours truly. The announcement of the community takeover has long since been moderated out of existence.
Note, again, the use of vaguely threatening rhetoric. This is how you pay tribute to an accomplished Hollywood performer.
This is how Rabbids ought to be treated.
I like this image because Willem Dafoe is holding a knife, which can be used in acting as a prop or a fun way to remember your lines more easily. I like to imagine that Willem Dafoe straps a hunting knife to his leg and refuses to take it off, forcing filmmakers to digitally edit it out of nude scenes.
Hollywood pays the ultimate price for its continued sexualization of Willem Dafoe.
What I like about this one is how the detail degrades as you view it from right to left. I’m guessing the artist turned the GamePad on its side and began drawing Willem from the top, running out of energy and patience as they got further down his face.
By the time we’re in Chin City, all attention has completely ebbed away.
In any case, it’s a wonderful caricature of a man who usually defies caricatures. The jowel flaps are especially nice – a perfect place to store emergency croutons, of which Willem must be quite fond.
This post is factually correct. The information is on his Wikipedia, probably.
Willem Dafoe is screaming in this particular image. It’s good to know that Willem Dafoe is screaming almost all of the time, especially when he is asleep.
You’ll note he’s playing Tic-Tac Dafoe with a knife, returning us to a salient running theme.
Despite not being very good at art, I’m sharing my own posts a lot because I am conceited.
Shit though, I’m funny.
Nintendo will likely claim Miiverse is “not being replaced” by whatever dire social media “app” thing the Switch will inevitably receive. It is being replaced, though. It’s going away and it’s never coming back.
Soon we’ll have only memories, and the preservation efforts of people who aren’t as lazy as I am.
God bless you, Willem Dafoe.
And goodbye, Miiverse.
For you are already dead.