The Perfect E3 Experience

E3 is bullshit. Sure, there’s some exciting news and it’s clearly an exciting spectacle, but it’s nothing more than marketing wrapped up with the air of professionalism. This is true of any consumer-driven event, but what really makes E3 fail is the pretense that it’s more important than that. For years, it’s been exclusive to press, who arrive believing they’re journalists but spend a week partaking in advertising.

I should know. I’ve been part of that machine.

This year, E3 can be attended by fans as well as journalists or something… I mean, there’s really no difference, but I admire the honesty at least. Frankly, I think E3 should go even further than that, truly embrace what it is.

And if were running the Electronic Entertainment Expo, I’d make damn sure it was a show nobody would ever forget.

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Let’s Look At The Smooth Fallout 4 Ass

As Ron Perlman is quick to remind us, war never changes. That may be true, but if there’s one thing that does change in a post-apocalyptic world, it’s arses. Just take a look at that Vault Dweller bloke in the screenshot above, as capped from the Fallout 4 trailer that went live today.

That’s barely an arse at all. It’s perfectly smooth and lacking in definition, like a sheet of clingfilm over a deflated balloon.
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Unity Interview: Talking Asset Flips And Steam Saturation With The Brains Behind The Engine

Unity 3D has become something of a controversial engine over the past few years. Versatile and easy to use, both amateur and professional developers alike have flocked to it. It boasts a storefront in which creators can sell pre-made assets, and it’s responsible for powering a number of diverse games, including Hearthstone and Pillars of Eternity. 

However, there’s a dark side to Unity, one that’s threatened its reputation of late. A deluge of awful, poorly optimized, and downright lazy games have flooded Steam thanks to Valve’s lax quality control and the open gates of Greenlight. Many of these games are powered by Unity, exploiting the ease of its use to produce quick and dirty cash grabs. It’s a shame because the engine is capable of so much good (we’ll be talking about that good in a future Jimquisition), but has been thoroughly abused.

I spoke with Dan Adams from the Unity team about the situation. While holding his cards close to his chest, he did provide some insight regarding the engine, its popularity, and the effort required to turn a Slaughtering Grounds into a Grow Home. Enjoy!

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Mad Max Makes Me Wonder Where The Australians Went

A new trailer came out today for Avalanche Studios’ Mad Max, and the general conversation consists of people wondering just how much it can live up to the masterpiece that was George Miller’s Fury Road. There’s little doubt the movie was a masterpiece of visual storytelling and themes that broke ground in its genre, and people are really hoping the game can survive the hype.

For me, however, I can’t get over one detail that many may find insignificant. At the risk of being accused of nitpicking, I am finding it difficult to deal with the voice acting revealed so far. Mad Max is set in Australia, the series itself is a hallmark of Australian cinema, and I’m left wondering… where the hell did all the Australians go?

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Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night Interview – Koji Igarashi Talks About His Possible ‘Magnum Opus’

After years of Konami clutching the keys to Castlevania and brooding like Dracula on his throne, Symphony of the Night creator Koji Igarashi is back to do what Konamisn’t – make an actual bloody Castlevania game. Sure, it won’t be called Castlevania, but Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is going to be more authentic than anything the “rights holder” could hope to squirt out these days.

With Kickstarter as its lifeline, Bloodstained smashed its $500,000 funding goal and currently sits pretty at over $2,000,000 – with weeks of potential funding left to go. I backed it myself – out of sheer spite towards the “AAA” game industry – and am proud to present an interview with Mr. Igavania himself.

We talk about the risks of Kickstarter, Japan’s shift towards mobile gaming, and why Bloodstained could very well be Igarashi’s “magnum opus.” Enjoy!

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Why The Witcher 3‘s sprinting NPCs Are Important

It seems I was not the only one to be excited about NPCs in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt allowing their pace to be set by the player.

We’ve all been there. Many roleplaying or action games feature quests in which a non-player character must be followed. Usually, these characters stroll along with you having to stroll after them, allowing them to spew their exposition or even just walk in mute languidness. The Witcher 3, however, does things a little different, and it’s a damn revelation.

It’s such a little thing, but more than a few people online are freaking out about it, and with good reason!

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The Witcher 3 review coming soon, but check out these FUCKING masks

Okay, so I’m working on a review for The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt but I didn’t get the code until a few days ago and it’s basically a million years long. However, as I stated in this week’s Jimquisition episode, I can confirm there are masks you may buy, and Geralt will wear them like a bloody great idiot. It’s brilliant.

It later turns out that these masks are part of a mission, but I didn’t need to fulfill that objective when the time came because I found them earlier and bought them all, yelling excitedly as I did. Obviously I did.

If I’d gotten the PC version of the game like I wanted then I’d have made lovely screenshots for you. Instead, I frantically took shitty pictures with my phone, my fingers shaking with mask-flavored anticipation. God, I fucking love masks.

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Crabs With Udders

Okay, so technically this isn’t related to videogames in a direct sense. I know, I know, I’m betraying everything I stand for and will soon be reviewing Game of Thrones episodes in a desperate bid to keep an audience!

It’s not that bad though, and it does involve Jimquisition fans doing something ridiculous just because I mentioned it in a video.

See, I was playing Shrooms on YouTube and talking about crabs with udders. I thought about crabs with udders because I misread something while playing Selfie: Sisters of the Amniotic Lens that made me think about crabs getting milked.

Anyway, I was discussing how impractical it would be, see, to have an Uddered Crab. The udder would be swollen underneath, engorged with delicious Crab Milk, while its little legs would be lifted off the ground. It’d need to be milked, but crab pincers are too sharp to tug at sensitive, lactating teats. So, we’d need another animal – chiefly a seagull with fingers where its beak should be. That’s obvious genetic sense.

At any rate, I jokingly mentioned at the end of my Shrooms video that someone should draw a crab with udders. People did. Lots of people. Lots of ridiculous people. The talent and dedication to silliness was too good to not preserve somewhere, and this is really my only outlet for it. So here we are – at least somewhat born from a game conversation and therefore somehow maybe game-related – a gallery of crabs with udders.

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Yooka-Laylee Interview: PlayTonic Games Delivers A Rare Treat Indeed

Yooka-Laylee‘s success has been staggering. Within forty minutes of launching on Kickstarter, this “Rare-vival” from PlayTonic Games reached its funding goal while the cash keeps pouring in. A spiritual successor to Banjo-Kazooie, featuring a team of former Rare colleagues, Yooka-Laylee arrives in a world where mascot platformers are “dead” and publishers tell us we’re not interested in cute, colorful collect-a-thons anymore.

Despite the erasure of such games from the so-called “AAA” industry, it seems there are many, many gamers out there with a hunger for PlayTonic’s offerings, and a willingness to support it with cash – myself included. Yep, I happily backed this one myself, because any resurrection of a genre that sticks it to corporate, focus-tested mandates is something I can get behind. Igavania says hi, by the way!

I got to speak to the team at PlayTonic about the project’s success, the upcoming challenges, worries from fans, and a whole lot more. It’s real good reading, settle the bloody hell down and get reading as I chat with Chris Sutherland, Gavin Price, Steve Mayles, Jens Restemeier, Steven Hurst, and Mark Stevenson – practically the whole flippin’ team!

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D4 Interview: Swery65 Keeps Dark Dreams Alive On PC

Swery65 is something of a hero of mine. The brain behind Deadly Premonition, this goodhearted eccentric from Access Games is responsible for a game that has had more of an impact on me than perhaps any other piece of interactive entertainment. His Twin Peaks inspired open-world horror game blended humor and abject oddity in a way that almost defies description. I once described it as akin to two clowns eating each other – something so very, very wrong, but morbidly funny and arresting in its intrigue. It was lightning in a bottle, something I didn’t think Swery could pull off again.

D4: Dark Dreams Don’t Die proved me wrong. As weird and hilarious as its predecessor, D4 brought Access’ unusual storytelling to the Xbox One with aplomb, demonstrating that Swery65 knew exactly what he was doing and Deadly Premonition  was no fluke. Unfortunately, its marriage to the ill-fated Kinect, not to mention Microsoft’s carefree launch, did not bode well for the game’s market chances. D4 was not quite the underground hit Deadly Premonition was, and it looked like the episodic title would end its story on a cliffhanger.

Dark dreams, however, really are hard to kill – Swery recently announced that D4 was headed to PC, this time without the shackles of Microsoft, and it’s primed to not only get a second chance at success – a whole lot more content looms on the horizon. I had the pleasure of chatting with Mr. 65 about the upcoming Dark Dreams port, his work on the Xbox One, and the ambitious future for the D4 series. Enjoy The Jimquisition’s first ever interview!

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