Metabombed: Dynasty Warriors 9 Is ‘Seizure Inducing Garbage’

It’s no secret by now that I despise Dynasty Warriors 9, not just because of what it DID to Zhang He, but because it’s a derivative, corner-cutting mess of “open world” bullshittery, so desolate and ugly it’s almost indistinguishable from a Steam Direct asset flip.

An easy early nominee for 2018’s worst games list, Tecmo Koei’s cynical farce has come close to killing my love for the series overall.

The game has its defenders, those who somehow think it’s “ambitious” to chase a trend years after it stopped being fashionable. Nonetheless, I’m clearly not alone in seeing this game for what it is – a desperate attempt at relevance by a company that tried to fix what wasn’t broken.

And of course… that’s led to a classic case of METABOMBING!

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Don’t Have A ‘Cappy’ Black Friday, Go On A Super Sterling Odyssey With This New Shirt… For God’s Sake

People still like Mario Odyssey, right? The obligatory backlash to its critical acclaim hasn’t gotten too big already? Good. Let’s make money off of it!

Nintendo makes enough off my work thanks to ContentID. Fair trade.

In all seriousness, it’s the time of year where Black Friday deals happen, and Shark Robot is doing one. This year, we finally jumped aboard, so you can get this NEW Super Sterling Odyssey shirt at a discounted price by using the code BLACKFRIDAY17 at checkout.

The discount period runs from November 20 to November 27, so get it while it’s hot. Wa-hoo, and stuff!

Stergazers Unite! Get Your Very Own Sterdust Shirt… CHOMP!

This week, the wrestling world was stunned by the long-awaited arrival of Sterdust. As with any good wrestler, merchandise has been made very quickly.

Not as quickly as The Shield, but we’re gettin’ there.

Justin had a brilliant idea for this one, which is why it got done so quick. The shirt lets you have a taste of Sterdom yourself with a design based off his Sterling outfit. Purple, with the silver Jimquisition wings on the front and the Sterdust logo on the back.

Order it now, for Christ’s sake! Don’t just watch the Sters, BE a Ster!

And check out some other tat while you’re there.

Official Commentocracy shirt? Official Jimquisition shirt? Sign me up, you fuckers!

Are you a true hardcore gamer like Duke Amiel du H’ardcore himself? Do you feel the need to shove that entitled snobbery right into the faces of the village peasants? Now you can!

Show the world that you’re a real H’ardcore gamer with our new Amiel shirt! Royston’s cleaning services are not part of the deal.

If you’re a fan of The Jimquisition’s entire menagerie of characters, our new Cirque du Sterling shirt will have you covered. Quite literally. Covered in cartoons of perverts and freaks.

All your favorites are there – The Cornflake Homunculus, Jimsaw, even that fat idiot Jim Sterling.

These shirts – and more capitalist tat – are available via Shark Robot, who are quite nice people from my experience.


Hey You! You Can Buy New Jimquisition Posters If You Want

Look, you don’t have to do this, but if for some bizarre reason you wanted to see my fat NES-era Ganon face on your bedroom wall every day, The Jimquisition Sellout Division has your needs – and wall – covered!

Two posters based on the carnival flyers seen in The Jimquisition’s end credits are now available via Shark Robot. You can get one of me thinking and one of me doing a punchable smile.

Each poster comes with a “pre-crinkled” look for added authenticity, and boasts the beige border that has become a staple of The Jimquisition’s visual style. Not like it’s actually iconic or anything, I just really like that border.

The Jimquisition Sellout Division still has plenty of other physical guff on offer, including the Corporate Takeover print, an adorable Jimsaw shirt, and now less than 1,000 Jimquisition emblem pins.

The Jimquisition: Steam Needs To Axe Shithead Developers

Let’s not beat about the bush. Valve can fix Steam’s nastiest problem, but it involves showing some authority.

Valve may hate to put the boot down, but if you want to stop having Digital Homicides, Dentolas, or Fun Creators, you need to look at their behavior, not the games they’re making.

Bonus Content: Life Haxz with Jim Sterling