Regarding your PR emails for games, even games that are themed around gravity, never do this again.
[Original email heavily redacted because I’m pretty sure Sony would would petrol bomb my house otherwise]
Open world games are everywhere, and it’s getting really stupid. You can tell they’re happening just to follow a trend as well, since so few open world games manage to justify actually being open world.
There are blatant clues found in many of these desolate sandboxes, and we’re going to talk about them and why they’re making videogames rubbish.
Dead Rising 4 was released right at the beginning of the month, but folks are still unhappy about it. While I enjoyed the game myself, Dead Rising‘s veteran fanbase bristles with discontent at what they see as a “dumbing down” of the series and the removal of its best elements.
Usually, a controversial release like this would be drowned in negative Metacritic user reviews at launch, but it took some time for the negativity to boil over this time. Here we are though, on Christmas Eve, and what better way to celebrate a season of goodwill than looking at some really angry comments on the Internet?
Yes, Dead Rising 4 has been METABOMBED… at least after a relatively long period of accumulation.
Brazzers is at it again, this time with an impressively tenuous Final Fantasy XV parody that takes Cindy’s “fan service” to another level.
The immensely popular Jimquisition emblem pins are now back in stock, and unlike Nintendo, we actually make our product to fit the demand!
After the initial run of 500 proved to be far too few, Sharkrobot had another 2,000 prepared. You can get them right there, and if you buy any T-shirt from the Jimquisition store, you can get a pin entirely free.
Give yourself the gift of a small metal picture this Christmas. Why not, eh? EH!?
Are you a fan of ironic death traps? Do you idolize a man who watched too many SAW movies and took it too far? Then you’ll love our new JimSAW shirt, available now from the Jimquisition merch store!
Created by the talented David North, based on Kerry Dyer’s mask design for the notorious Jimsaw Killer (who definitely isn’t me), this shirt reveals the true face of horror in the videogame industry.
You can order the shirt now and tickle your nipples in preparation for their shrouding.
Seriously though, it’s a cool shirt. So like, get it if you want. No pressure.
[Update: The Jimquisition pins sold out in a matter of hours. Woah, Dave!
The Jimquisition Sellout Store has been updated to include a saucy new pin mimicking the classic Jimquisition emblem that strikes fear into the hearts of nobody and inspires hope in the hearts of two dozen!
Made of genuine materials, this pin is currently limited to 500 pieces which, to be fair, should be more than enough but I’m going to pretend otherwise. Get them while you can THEY WILL SELL OUT DEFINITELY!
The Sharkrobot Jimquisition Store still has T-shirts and a coolbutts poster, and we’ll be adding some more apparel designs in the coming weeks.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you buy a shirt, you can get a pin free along with it!
Check it out – my tat makes great Christmas gifts for people who don’t know me or like me. The shirts can also double as super fancy toilet paper provided you toss them in a dishwasher after every two weeks’ of use.
Them pins are good though, I’ve got one. Not one of the 500. Mine is one-of-a-kind and you can’t have it.
The above unimpressive image was taken from Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare‘s campaign installation screen in the middle of the night. Despite having downloaded the game on PlayStation 4 some nine or ten hours beforehand, the single-player mode had not yet even begun to “install.”
In fact, nothing was actually ready after the game had allegedly downloaded, in a manner very similar to Mafia III.
You may believe this article is a retread of a grievances aired only a few weeks ago, and for the most part you’d be correct.
I’ll stop complaining about it when the videogame industry stops fucking doing it.