Metabombed: No Man’s Sky Is “Worthless In Every Way”

The horrifying frenzy around No Man’s Sky continues unabated, and as with any potentially controversial game release, the furor runs both ways – there are zealous defenders who refuse to accept a single criticism, and obsessive detractors who need the world to know just how much they don’t like a thing other people like.

Is it any surprise, any surprise at all, that Hello Games’ procedurally generated crafting game is the latest target of a good ol’ fashioned Metabomb?

Yes, it’s that time again. Time to wade into the user reviews of Metacritic as a power struggle has emerged between No Man’s Sky‘s lovers and haters. Let’s put on our biohazard suits and get knee-deep in the filth, shall we?

01

To be honest, I’ve never seen a Metabombing quite this huge. With 2805 ratings, the PS4 version of No Man’s Sky (currently the only version available) has 1,298 positive scores, 1,362 negative scores, and an almost comical 145 middling ones. The average user score has currently settled at a perfectly neutral 5.0, which places it exactly in line with my own review.

That could all change by the time you read this – the green bar and the red bar have been trading places since launch, as Metacritic’s user reviewers do bloody battles for dominance. Despite their struggles, however, the average score has barely moved an inch. All that effort and so little accomplishment – truly this is a Metabombing worthy of No Man’s Sky.

Another interesting note is that, unlike other Metabombings, there’s a surprisingly high amount of well-written, in-depth criticism. A lot of the hilarious drive-by shitposting has been drowned out by people with cogent arguments on both side of the fence. People really, really are invested in this one – or at least invested in their own opinion of it.

Anyway, I’ve found the funny, the interesting, and the hyperbolic among these reviews for your entertainment!

02

We’ll kick off with Coombs, who has a lot to say and only one paragraph to say it in.

This is a glorified tech demo with a cumbersome, tedious resource juggling game awkwardly and haphazardly dumped on top. I was stunned to discover just how ugly this game actually is. The menu interface is not inspiring, which is a shame since you’ll be spending so much of your time there. The controls are clunky, the sound effects obnoxious, the music a huge disappointment. I found that the totality of the aesthetic experience, something I thought would really be a selling point in this game, is utterly lackluster. It’s amazing just how often the sound effects and music combine to create a supremely unpleasant effect. Every once in a while the game would create a lot of fanfare over the fact that I just walked an arbitrary number of feet since starting the game. Trivial statistical events like these are treated like major events, even though they couldn’t possibly be less significant. For a game that tries to emphasize biology and diversity, what ends up being highlighted is how tremendously inorganic the gameplay experience is. None of the it feels natural. It comes off like a desperate exercise in alchemy. Truly, the most fun I’ve had with this game was when I watched the trailer in 2014. I had my reservations that these guys were in way over their heads, and sadly, my fears are confirmed. There’s a reason AAA titles are developed by huge teams: that’s what it takes. As it stands, I’d say a fair price for this game is $10. Any more than that and you could be playing something so much better. (3/10)

Neiio is after my heart with a cute jab at the so-called “AAA” scene.

A thoroughly mediocre game with lackluster objectives. No Man’s Sky is the epitome of shallow, with all the beauty and lack of content that you’d expect from a AAA game. Too bad this isn’t a AAA game considering they’re asking $60 for this… I would not recommend to anyone. (4/10)

To be honest, despite the hyperbolic scores attached, a lot of the reviews echo my thoughts exactly. Here’s SolidSteve0 with stuff I can’t argue against.

The game is fun for an hour but after that it gets VERY repetitive: every building/space station and alien counter is the exact same thing, the upgrades seem useless, the different resources make no sense, the combat is BAD, the texture loading is disgusting and completley takes me out of the game. Every planet does look very different but the actual tasks or points of interest on each planet are the exact same thing.

There isn’t really much else to say… if this game was a Steam Early Access title that came out of nowhere, it would have gone over much better I think. (0/10)

Shit, at this rate I’m gonna get DDoS’d again. Here’s PeterBournem with some things to say!

Im 14 hours in and I just don’t care any more so bored. Floating copper, I can almost deal with but I have no idea of what the hell Im doing or the point. Not going waste hours to find the centre, you see one planet you seen them all. I will be selling it ASAP. Sorry I know the work Hello game put in but I like mine craft and I like games like x3tc but this is neither. the price tag should be £20. Hello games announced day before launch further up dates. it essentially not finished. (3/10)

Partyintheback isn’t in a partying mood anymore.

I waited years anticipating a game where all you do is endlessly mine and look at your inventory? This is the most tedious game I’ve played. The gameplay isn’t satisfying, and most of the planets I’ve visited have been incredibly barren. What a waste of money. I’ll give it 1 point for art direction, but otherwise it’s a pretty awful game. (1/10)

We hit our first exaggerated review, with alkash123 perhaps needing a reminder of what games looked like in 2006.

This is an Indie game for 60$ that generates the whole universe. so, basically this is the RNG that costs 60$. Also featuring 15fps, low draw distance, 2006 graphics and low FOV (makes you think that you are very small person). (0/10)

The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think. Oh by the way, which one’s… Flood? Maybe DevotedFire can help us.

Exceptional Exploration Game. I just spent 4 hours walking around on the same planet. Listening to my favourite pink flood albums, whilst mining, then selling resources. Outstanding. (10/10)

Kotwurschd is here with some brutal critique.

Absolutely trash. Again a overhyped title that dissapoints massively. I wasn’t expecting much, but after playing for a few hours, I must say that this game is not more worth than 20 bucks. It’s so repetitive. The planets look boring. I almost fell asleep while playing this and I’m not even kidding. The only thing you do on these planets is running around and collecting materials to be able to fly to other planets, that look almost the same. There is no diversity. The graphics and textures on PS4 are horrible. I had a few game breaking bugs. The auto-landing feature of the Ship landed me inside a tree. I couldn’t do anything, I was stuck in their. My Ship then crashed and I had to farm all the resources again. I was missing 1 more resource, when I tried to buy it from a spot, it only gave a me few of the resource. I had enough to buy it and free space in my inventory and checked everything multiple times, but it wouldn’t let me buy more of the ressource, no matter what I did. The Ship controls are absolutely horrible too. And you will never see any player somewhere, because there are 18 trillion planets Please save your money and don’t buy it, because it is a terrible game and overhyped for no damn reason. (3/10)

M0rbidR00ster finds the idea of anybody disliking this game “unrealistic.” Anyway, here’s their review about planets full of crab-squids and squirrel dinosaurs.

I’m finding it very unrealistic seeing all the people willing to spend $60 on a game and after 2-6 hours saying it is terrible. I got the game at 11pm opening at gamestop and have played two hours now. This game is breaking ground and truly unique, which is what gamers always want. If you look at twitter, most people who have pre-ordered haven’t even opened (or downloaded) their game. The people posting a score lower than 4 are just nasty people. If any of them had the experience of blasting off their first planet and then slowing down and trying to turn their ship at extreme speeds in space only to have to slow down further for control, you will know this game is special. This game is about the journey, the idea of being lost in worlds and fighting to survive. I’ll give it an 8 right now, not sure if I can come back, but my two hours have truly blown me away, and I can’t wait to leave work and continue to improve my ship. For those that are reading the negative reviews…… I’d say stop, I give mine an 8 and its only because there is a pretty big learning curve and a story that WILL NOT hold your hand….. which, at the end of the day, is really what I wanted in the first place….. Good luck with that first launch into space, I completely missed the moon……. like completely……. (8/10)

Louis_Ferdinant, freedom fighter, simply will not be silenced!

Apparently my review was pruned, because honest (albeit negative) opinions are not allowed. So I submit another one! Great disappointment, a marketing collosus on wooden legs, a cashgrab catering to a generation of gamers starved so much, that they can’t see right from wrong. (3/10)

I was worried I wouldn’t find many funny reviews, but here’s elbergudo.

Wow this is not even worth 20$,is basically farming materials forever and visiting dead ass planets with barely anything interesting to do. Most of the monster you find are just ugly and super random with deform bodies and there is no reason to revisit planets or to think in names for them since they are infinite and a random mess. If you are willing to waste money in this wait for it to drop to 10$ or below on a steam/pstore sale, otherwise you will end up feeling like you got scammed for the absurd price they are asking for this space farmville simulator. (4/10)

NuttyBoldHead has an… interesting way of phrasing things.

For the first hour or so, the game is amazing, and it is fun, But listen to me :
After around 5 hours, this game become… Mundane.
With the extreme vastness, it is great, don’t get me wrong, But the game give this vibe “We don’t want to work on the fun thing that can be done, lets just make it in space, so that we can fill the space with nothing but, Space!”

It becomes amazingly mundane sadly (4/10)

The classic “You haven’t even played it” defense from Tripz followed by comic book villain insults.

A low review when people haven’t even played it…. Tsk tsk… Get real. If you are saying this game looks like a PS3 game is only showing you don’t own a ps4 and still remain on last gen consoles. At least go watch gameplay on twitch and see for yourself. You fools. (10/10)

The intellectually superior ProfessorK knows exactly who is bashing the game, though.

Simply put, This title is amazing. Its what many of old-school gamers have wanted a space adventure game to be since we first started on console or PC. Put in equal parts planetary exploration and survival, you get an amazing title that has a potential for a very long shelf life. What I find interesting is many trolls (more than likely tweens/teens on summer break) are giving this title bad ratings because there’s a learning curve. (10/10)

Do what followtheoracle says and think lots of times, okay?

I played 9 hours because I had hope that maybe I would see new things but I was wrong. You are doing same thing over and over. After couple hours nothing in this game surprised me. Also they said about this game that space based but there is no orbiting, no landing on asteroids, no space walks, no space mechanics etc. Also they want 60 dollars for this game? So I can call them as fraud. I am not trolling or anything. I am telling truth. Think lots of times to buy this game for 60 bucks. (0/10)

Manhunt478 wants to know where their money is.

So much overrated! Don’t play this crap! Everything is so empty. Not much you expect that. So, don’t play this game really. Empty world, and boring as f*ck give me my money! (1/10)

I mean… cool_dude ain’t wrong.

One point for trying. People have been very delusional when talking about this game. They put on some hype-glasses and falsely believed (even when evidence was presented):

* 60 FPS on PS4 [Game is 30 FPS with frame drops]
* No pop up [People giving this game a pass because of proc-gen]
* Planet textures from space are unique [Nope, it is the same, people]
* No loading [Space warp times are long and covers up loading]
* Online multiplayer [Nope]
* Grass doesn’t rotate [Grass and shrubs rotate to face the player at all times]
* Real physics [Blasting holes in rocks leaves parts floating]
* Full of action akin to the four fast paced trailers [Nope, it’s boring as heck]
* Animal food chain [Nope, very simple behaviors]
* Never ever see the same thing twice [Space stations all the same, and many variations of the same object]
* Realtime day/night cycles [Nope]
* Planets orbit their sun [Nope, fixed skybox]
* and much, much more…

It’s not even a game, it’s a tech demo. It’s pretty much only one planet with variations that have been all figured out. Spend your money elsewhere. (1/10)

TheVJ keeps it short n’ sweet.

No Man’s Sky is not the intergalactic playground people had hoped it would be; it is more of a nigh infinitely big museum filled with nothing but Jackson Pollock paintings. (0/10)

Bunkum brings a classic BunkumBurn(tm) to the yard. Woooooaaaaaah!

Lets get the bad out of the way first – it’s ugly, slow, shallow, has a terrible UI, and full of bugs, but enough about 4 chan

No Man’s Sky is a game. 4 stars (8/10)

Don’t apologize, TheMarcosBay, you’re doin’ your best!

no mas’ns sky is a game that makes you rethink why do you play videogames. i’m sure its not for wandering around with some spaceship out there. it sucks i’m sorry (0/10)

Holy shit, Kiljayden. Holy… shit.

This Is NOT a Game! This is NOT what the developers promised! This is by far the worst thing i have ever done in my life! This is by no means fun. This is by no means entertaining in any way or form. I literally have no idea what this is or where to place this product, but if i would have to place this product somewhere it would be in the toiletry isle in the shopping mall and have a price tag of 0.15 cents. Its worthless in every way and aspect. The only positive thing about this product was the hour i waited to install it, was way more fun an entertaining than the actual game-play of this product. Im so sad that this name No Man Sky will be around my entire life. I wish i could literally die so i can just forget about that this ever happened. Let me tell you drowning in water and fighting for the last few seconds of your life just before you die….is far more entertaining and fun that 5 minutes of this game. This is my first review to any game ever, but this was so bad i just have to warn you people! I did warn you! if i could give this a -666 because i would find Hell more entertaining i promise you that now. (0/10)

Yeah, I’m finding the real juicy stuff now. Here’s some gold from RexSol.

Hello Games is worst than Ubisoft and EA. You guys are unbelivable, still trying to defend this fallacy. I was really looking forward to this game. I’m just not blind and biased. Face it, they lied to us, they deserve all this hate. I’m perfectly fine with the game not having multiplayer, i play single-player games and i enjoy them. What i have a problem with, is this disinformation, misleading propaganda, false advertisement, lack of clarity of their part. ”OOOOOH but it’s just a DIFFERENT KIND of multiplayer, you just don’t understand, Doh!! ” — NO! They SPECIFICALLY said you would see and interact with other players. You can’t do that, they lied. This is by FAR the worst scam in gaming history. (0/10)

In case you were worried we wouldn’t see the word “joke” come up in any of these reviews, here’s tom0902000 with the save!

absolute joke, i enjoy more farming materials in Destiny’s universe than this. This game is just too overhyped and overpriced, maybe they will be adding tons of content for the next 1-2 years to make the game justified for it’s 59.99. But currently, definitely don’t buy it. (0/10)

There is more. So much more. I need a break from it all, but there’s so much more. I’ll close with Dolfann23.

One of the worst “games” of the century. There is nothing to do beyond the same monotonous activities of flying, mining, and upgrading. All planets are the same, with slight color swaps separating them. Pathological liar and snake oil salesman Sean Murrey lied about the inclusion of multiplayer, as there is no such feature in the actual game. The ending of the game is lackluster, the framerate is not 60, and the FOV is vomit inducing. Avoid No Man’s Buy at all cost,as it is one of the biggest flops of all time, on the level of disappointments like Spore and KOTH. (1/10)

I’m sure somebody in those six pages of user reviews said “a slap in the face” at one point, but I’m not digging to find it.

Robby
Guest
Robby

These people know it’s just a game right? Like, Donald Trump could be president and this is where people direct their anger and outrage?

ichkanns
Guest
ichkanns

The people who say that it is a cash grab, or that the developers lied about multiplayer and kind of scum bags. You can criticize the game all you want, but calling a game that was developed by a small team for 4 years with the amount of passion they put into it, a cash grab, is completely retarded. The game’s on Jim’s Best of Steam Greenlight are cash grabs. Cobbling together premade assets into a “game” is a cash grab. This game, whatever it’s faults, was a work of passion for the developers. Also he very clearly said that… Read more »

Svarthofde
Guest
Svarthofde

Am I the only one who read NuttyBoldHead’s review in Captain Kirk’s tone and mannerisms?

SilentPony
Guest
SilentPony

No Wrath of Khan quotes Jim?! I’m surprised at you!

Elno
Guest
Elno

Sorry Jim, but not having “a slap in the face” in Metabombed is kind of…

…slap in the face 🙁

SavingPrincess
Guest
SavingPrincess

Review:

A less fun 3D Starbound with space shooty bits.

Joshua Claydon
Guest
Joshua Claydon

I mean, all the complaints about graphics are coming from the console
version. I’m about to d/load the PC version in an hour. Hopefully it’s
got good tweak-able settings?

Otherwise i might have to jump on
this seemingly ‘never ending hate train’ with the rest of you, until
then i’ll hold my judgement.

Console peasants thinking they can review a game idunknow.. 😛

SkeletonDanceParty
Guest
SkeletonDanceParty

I picked it up cause it looked like a simpler Elite Dangerous I could play on my ps4, which I loved the good bit of elite dangerous I played but it was so complicated to do a lot, and my laptop didn’t like it in general, so approaching it as that I’m liking the bit I’ve gotten to play.

Film Runner
Guest

How is it that people get this emotionally invested in a game before they’ve even had the chance to play it that they’re incapable of accepting anything but reverent worship of it from every person they’ve ever heard of?

Michael Treiger
Guest
Michael Treiger

You’ve got that Ddos defense thing put into the site? good.

Gabriel Macys
Guest
Gabriel Macys

I’ll give a hot take; it’s the new Godzilla 1998, and once again, it’s been shown that yes, size matters less than Sony thought.
Great argument for creationism though, since absolutely nothing in the game looks like it evolved naturally.

SavingPrincess
Guest
SavingPrincess

I really want to tell people who are sad about the “Space” part of the game that Elite: Dangerous exists.

Jim Cravat
Guest
Jim Cravat

Giorgos Katsas
Guest
Giorgos Katsas

Said it before, the game might be good but it needs a number of fixes and has a big potential for dlc and expansions. But we are talking about a small team and gamers are NOT know for being patient, so . . .

I always compare these kinds of games to this generation’s Diablo III and Civ V. Their true final form came after and that being said . . .

Adela
Guest
Adela

Hrm … NMS did pull a pseudo Derek Smart style; “The last game you’ll ever need…” Then again, vitriol is to be expected when you talk up your game so much. I think there’s a difference between realistic expectation on return by marketing to a niche … and marketing merely hype. Bloodstained campaign did a good job of saying; “I understand the market. I can deliver something you want.” … and gives fairly thorough, persistent updates in a beautifully realized endorsement of familiarity and freshness combined. Hype on the other hand can only lead to fragmented disapproval at best, and… Read more »

Trixt
Guest
Trixt

They have balls to charge more than CDPR for Witcher 3, more than Bungie for Destiny, and more than Blizzard next WoW expension.

Sure these guys a confident about their scams. They deserve all the hate they get.

Cimerians
Guest

The 10/10’s I know are just fanfare but the 0/10’s…..yeah ok

Nickwolf
Guest
Nickwolf

Despite its flaws, I really enjoy them game. Its not perfect, but I don’t think its creators deserve the vitriol. I also don’t understand why people are calling this game ugly. I mean, its fine if people are not impressed by its visuals, but I think its FAR from ugly.

goodbyejojo
Guest
goodbyejojo

i feel like the only ones who will enjoy this game will be the people who never saw the other gajillion crafting video games on steam early access.

Imago3d
Guest

I was seriously wondering whether or not to get this one. I think I’ll wait until the price goes down before I give it a go.

Charles Schulzerie
Guest
Charles Schulzerie

It’s pretty incredible that you get the same footage of a space ship flying for years, people buy into the hype, and then get angry when it isn’t more than just a space ship flying.

David Tucker
Guest
David Tucker

Not including a post with ‘slap in the face’ is a slap in the face to the gaming community!

peter
Guest
peter

For what they hyped can you blame anyone taking out their frustrations .
The game looks like something off your best of steam green light trails .

Andraste
Guest
Andraste

Wow it’s almost as though expecting a game to come out and literally be the new Messiah is actually really, really unhealthy to both people and games.

Even Luck
Guest
Even Luck

The No Man’s Sky’s hype and subsequent launch has had me trapped in a paradoxical state of confusion where I both understand and don’t understand it at the same time.

It’s not like we haven’t seen this before (Destiny’s probably the best example I can think of), but I still am bewildered every time one of these spectacles occur.

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