Mortal Kombat: Annihilation Is The Best Worst Movie I’ve Seen

For an upcoming episode of The Spin-off Doctors, I had to watch Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I’ve always liked the first one for the B-movie cheese it was but had dreaded the sequel, its reputation as a truly awful film preceding it.

I wish I’d watched it sooner, because Annihilation is easily the best bad film I’ve seen. I’m even including top-tier trash like The Room and Troll 2 in that list. No movie is as consistently fucked up, as relentlessly packed with nonsense, as Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

To prime you for our upcoming… assessment… and to try and convince you to ruin your Saturday night, here’s a pictorial tour through some of the movie’s “best” moments.

 

Almost immediately, Annihilation delights by deviating wildly from the ending of the original movie, deciding to add a load of ninjas and change Shao Kahn’s impressive entrance to something far more budget-minded.

Even better is when Shao starts bellowing. I’m not sure what the director told the actor, but he spends the whole movie sounding like he’s trying to either suppress a laugh or a cry. Probably both.

His voice wavers and seems ready to break at all times, yet remains deep and booming. It’s so strange, and it is but a taste of what this anarchy offers.

With only two original performers returning to reprise their MK roles, we all knew Christopher Lambert wasn’t coming back.

The honor of playing Raiden goes instead to James Remar, perhaps known best for playing Harry Morgan on Television’s The Dexter.

Here, Dexter’s dad is cosplaying a Pentecostal grandmother. He never stops being funny in this outfit.

Gotta love Sub-Zero’s entrance as he flies in like fucking Superman to shoot cartoon ice at Scorpion. Judging from his eyes, he’s just as shocked as I was by the utter nonsense on display.

So here is Stumbly Scorpion. In a very un-Scorpion like move, he picks up Sub-Zero and bodyslams him like a wrestler into the shit foam rock, which cracks and makes Scorpion lose his footing in an undignified little stumble.

I think the performer was told to act unsteady, but rather than do it in a cool or prepared way, he just trips a bit. I highly recommend watching the whole sequence in motion – it’s a treat!

The arrival of Cyrax is when I officially lost my mind.

In all his Power Rangers glory, he makes glass shatter around him and speaks with the worst Darth Vader voice in the world.

“Death is the only way out. Major Briggs, Sonya Blade. Shao Kahn will be pleased.”

Jax responds to that with “Shao what?”

In many ways, Jackson Briggs serves as the audience’s true window to the film – he spends much of the time acting just as bemused as the viewers.

In another case of an actor taking direction a bit too literally, Cyrax moves like a child pretending to be a robot.

This whole scene happened right after loads of other amusingly inane shit happened. When I say this movie’s relentless, I mean it. There’s almost never a dull moment.

This is what happened when Cyrax accidentally liquified one of his own accomplices while attacking Sonya and Jax.

This is what liquidation looks like, I promise you.

“Cool huh? It’s my Animality.”

That’s a real line of dialog.

Another real line of dialog is this one:

“Wait a minute, that tattoo, I’ve seen it before… on a robot and a woman. They both tried to kill me.”

Anyway, the actual image of Nightwolf speaks for itself. No further commentary needed on my part.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is a real paradox. Technically, a film can only have one “best” character in it. To be the best is to be singularly better than everyone else.

Yet Annihilation has not one, not two, not even three but MANY best characters of the movie. I don’t know how that works, but it just does!

Between Shao Kahn, Sindel, Motaro, Cyrax, Nightwolf… fuck. They’re all the best. Any character that’s not explicitly boring like Sonya or Kang is the best part of the film.

Anyway, here’s Jax, who gets more than a cameo this time, as well as “metal” arms. They’re not really metal, they’re cloth sleeves with bits of crappy vinyl glued to them.

And, inexplicably, fingerless gloves and a sleeveless jacket to make him look at majestically fucking stupid as possible.

He’s the best character of the film, alongside half the cast.

My face when I watch Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Here’s an unfortunate closeup – and a fortunately timed screengrab – of Liu Kang “feeling his Animality” which is not a euphemism but something he literally does in the movie while Nightwolf repeatedly tells him to do it.

“Feel your Animality… your Animality… your Animality.”

All this is said while terrible CGI gives Liu Kang lopsided lizard eyes.

I fucking love this shitass film!

Oh, but the bad cartoon effects get better. SO much better.

One thing that’s hard to describe about Annihilation is how it always manages to top the last terrible thing it did. Every time I think I’ve seen it all, this amazing piece of majestic garbage has something fresh and ghastly to make me laugh out loud right up until the movie simply stops happening.

It doesn’t end, this film just stops being a film and then credits happen.

Look at how utterly stupid this monster is though. Look at its comic book eyes! Look at it and understand it’s far from the stupidest thing in the film.

Isn’t that just beautiful?

By the time James Remar changed his costume to “Dad reliving his Billy Idol years” I was a gibbering wreck, tears in my eyes, unable to cope with endless cavalcade of ludicrous feces this movie was tossing into my eyes and ears.

And yet STILL the movie had more bollocks for us. I had been warned Baraka was “glorious” beforehand, but I was not prepared for THIS!

So here’s a dude wearing what looks like a homemade pirate shirt with a rubber halloween mask. If you look carefully, you can see the actor’s real face through the mouth.

This is all a distraction, however, from the incredible arms. Baraka’s Popeye forearms look like latex lost a fight to duct tape, and the fact they simply shoved the actor’s ungloved hands through them is magnificent.

He makes a five-minute appearance at best, because the movie crammed in more characters than it knew what to do with. It helps contribute to the unflinching assault of the movie, since there’s no time for quiet boring stuff, not when more FLIP JUMPING has to happen!

This is a screenshot from Mass Effect: Andromeda. It is not Mortal Kombat: Annihilation but it belongs here.

This is literally an image from a professional movie with a significant budget.

Shao Kahn faces off against an animalized Liu Kang. The still image is funny – it’s appearance in the movie itself is even funnier.

Also, because this movie won’t let you catch your goddamn breath, the hilarity of the shitty dragon is immediately followed up by this hot mess of a visual.

Then this, as a phallic hydra and a Beast Wars character clip through each other, move as if they’re stop-motion puppets, and eventually fall off a cliff like bad JPEGs.

It comes out of nowhere and it’s just… just fucked.

At least the film has a moral story.

The moral is that Jax never needed metal arms to punch a rubber horse-man. After learning that the big cyber implants were holding him back for unexplained reasons, he gets the confidence needed to tear off the flimsy cloth stuck to his skin with sellotape and punches Motaro good!

You see the message?

He was metal arms this whole time!

(The Spin-off Doctors: Mortal Kombat Annihilation will air on Tuesday!)

Spurious K
Guest
Spurious K

Needs the Contains Skeletons tag for the appearance of the awful CGI skeleton.

Can confirm this movie is fucking brilliantly terrible too. I mean it even has the characters travel around tunnels at super-speed in those human-sized metal hamster balls as seen on Gladiators because why the fuck not.

Matt Impressives
Guest
Matt Impressives

Jim did you ever thought to bring back “Movie Defense Force”? I loved that series!

David Everard
Guest
David Everard

The best thing about that movie is, quite clearly, Sindel’s line “TOO BAAAAD YOU… WILL DIE”

Otherhand
Guest
Otherhand

How about “IT’S THE INTER-CHANGE, ROLL RIGHT HARD, HOLD ME NOW, HOLD ME” while hurtling down a tunnel inside a metal ball? Because that was quite good.

Pangalaktichki
Guest
Pangalaktichki

The best thing about this movie is the soundtrack. Trust me on this one.

Appretaur
Guest
Appretaur

Apparently Shao Kahn’s father is the character named “Shinnok” in games after MK3. (I don’t know much about any of the games after the original three.) It’s too bad they never refer to him by that name in the movie, since that would have told me how it’s pronounced; I always thought it was the awesome-sounding “SHEE-Nock”, but it might actually be just “shennuck” or something like that.

Andrzej Sugier
Guest
Andrzej Sugier

Just google any clip of Shinnok wininig against anybody, he was playable in quite a few of the games and the narrator says “Shinnok wins” out loud at the end of the match.

qorl123
Guest
qorl123

Oh god, not fucking Mk Annihilation….

Nemrex
Guest
Nemrex

Wow, the original Werewolf film had better monster transitions then this.

And I’m talkin’ about the one from 1941.
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bc7291b478c2334a90add3f7945ec09b465fc97da343ee13fa1b1a1b4f987a0a.gif

RoanarTheFruitiful
Guest
RoanarTheFruitiful

I’ve never seen this movie, is it one of those “it’s so fucking terrible, it’s good” movies?

ThinkerT
Guest
ThinkerT

Read the goddamn article ya lazy bastard.

Jeff Showalter
Guest
Jeff Showalter

I’ve caught wind of eps before and enjoyed them, but this is the first one I am eagerly waiting for.

Varga Ádám
Guest
Varga Ádám

Thank god for this being in Spin-off Doctors, can’t wait to hear Conrad and you just trying to catch a breath while choking from laugh 😀

Pete Gilmartin
Guest
Pete Gilmartin

This movie boys episode will be, interesting…

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

I recall enjoying it from the first few minutes as the first thing Shao Khan does? Kills Johnny Cage (a character I always thought was a complete knob). This is also I think one of the few things I’ve watched that starred the guy who played Dukat in Babylon 5 (not the Cardassian)

Matthew Koopman
Guest
Matthew Koopman

This is the episode I’ve been waiting for since you started the Spin Off Doctors.

I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on the underground transportation balls.

MegawackyMax
Guest
MegawackyMax

Few times in my entire Internet Life have I wanted so desperatedly to see a live reaction of somebody watching a film. Can’t wait for the Spinoff-Doctors!

George
Guest
George

I’m going to rewatch this! God it was so very very terrible yet in a great way.

Green_Shades
Guest
Green_Shades

As a kid who had no idea what a “good movie” meant, I thought this was a serious film, with serious fights, and serious plot.
Also, I thought Mortal Kombat is a serious video game, with “realistic” fights.

George
Guest
George

Agreed! For me it wasn’t until Mortal Kombat IX when being in my 20’s I was able to fully appreciate the sheer levels of ridiculous camp that the series is all about.

Sosa Star
Guest
Sosa Star

I remember telling my parents that the mortal combat movie was what I wanted for my birthday. I got this on vhs. I was not yet old enough to appreciate a good bad movie so I was just sad it wasn’t the first movie. I need to rewatched this now.

Davina
Guest

I’m so excited for the podcast.

Jim Sterling
Guest

Definitely one of our most fun recordings.

And yes, it’s a two-hour one again.

George
Guest
George

Yeah!!! I’m looking forward to the episode!

Cat Treadwell
Guest
Cat Treadwell

I’ve been to the bronze mountain/quarry used in the film – Parys Mountain on Anglesey.

We were told ‘stick to the paths. Because if you don’t, one side is a fall down v deep disused mine shafts, the other is ponds of acid water.’

How the hell did this film crew survive?!

goodbyejojo
Guest
goodbyejojo

i like how they killed off Rain mere moments after he’s been introduced

Richard Cadman
Guest
Richard Cadman

Not to mention that he was killed off by Khan after succeeding his mission, he just didn’t succeed evilly enough 😀

Jim Sterling
Guest

And the other villains then immediately fight for the job they just saw a man killed trying to do, with implications that this is not the first time it’s happened.

They all WANT this job!

Emanuel González
Guest
Emanuel González

Also, when Baraka falls into the fire, they just reuse Rain’s death scene. It’s very obvious too.

Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

I like Nostalgia Critic’s take on it.

“Oh my God, this isn’t Mortal Kombat! It’s Mortal Ballet!”
*Nutcracker music playing*

s1g@phnx
Guest

Holy shit I remember seeing this with my best friend, and we thought it was so cool…oh to be young and stupid again lol

TheGZeus
Guest
TheGZeus

I pay two bucks a month for this to happen because I can’t afford to give more.
It’s worth so much more.

Drakeonian
Guest
Drakeonian

I actually have a fond place in my heart for the 1st Mortal Kombat movie, but I’ve probably watched Annihilation more because it’s hilariously terrible. Good taste Uncle Jimbo.

cowboyjimmy
Guest
cowboyjimmy

i have a sweet spot for this movie despite its overall reception, i
watched it before the superior first movie and it stuck with me ever
since, the cheese is off the charts, but hey i didnt know better, i was a
kid, i remember having it taped on vhs, and the damn thing was fading black from the amounts of times i watched it.

Jim Sterling
Guest

And yes, I enjoyed it more than Breath of the fucking Wild, Reddit.

tomwantsrez
Guest
tomwantsrez

So is it a 7.5? 8? 9? 10?! You have to assign a bigger number than a pathetic 7 or I can’t legally believe you.

qorl123
Guest
qorl123

You savage

Sperium3000
Guest
Sperium3000

Truly a wild card.

delete esto
Guest
delete esto

focking wild and awesum and coolpo

SilentPony
Guest
SilentPony

I’m so excited for this podcast! You’re rarely this pleased! Its refreshing

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