Crabs With Udders

Okay, so technically this isn’t related to videogames in a direct sense. I know, I know, I’m betraying everything I stand for and will soon be reviewing Game of Thrones episodes in a desperate bid to keep an audience!

It’s not that bad though, and it does involve Jimquisition fans doing something ridiculous just because I mentioned it in a video.

See, I was playing Shrooms on YouTube and talking about crabs with udders. I thought about crabs with udders because I misread something while playing Selfie: Sisters of the Amniotic Lens that made me think about crabs getting milked.

Anyway, I was discussing how impractical it would be, see, to have an Uddered Crab. The udder would be swollen underneath, engorged with delicious Crab Milk, while its little legs would be lifted off the ground. It’d need to be milked, but crab pincers are too sharp to tug at sensitive, lactating teats. So, we’d need another animal – chiefly a seagull with fingers where its beak should be. That’s obvious genetic sense.

At any rate, I jokingly mentioned at the end of my Shrooms video that someone should draw a crab with udders. People did. Lots of people. Lots of ridiculous people. The talent and dedication to silliness was too good to not preserve somewhere, and this is really my only outlet for it. So here we are – at least somewhat born from a game conversation and therefore somehow maybe game-related – a gallery of crabs with udders.

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Yooka-Laylee Interview: PlayTonic Games Delivers A Rare Treat Indeed

Yooka-Laylee‘s success has been staggering. Within forty minutes of launching on Kickstarter, this “Rare-vival” from PlayTonic Games reached its funding goal while the cash keeps pouring in. A spiritual successor to Banjo-Kazooie, featuring a team of former Rare colleagues, Yooka-Laylee arrives in a world where mascot platformers are “dead” and publishers tell us we’re not interested in cute, colorful collect-a-thons anymore.

Despite the erasure of such games from the so-called “AAA” industry, it seems there are many, many gamers out there with a hunger for PlayTonic’s offerings, and a willingness to support it with cash – myself included. Yep, I happily backed this one myself, because any resurrection of a genre that sticks it to corporate, focus-tested mandates is something I can get behind. Igavania says hi, by the way!

I got to speak to the team at PlayTonic about the project’s success, the upcoming challenges, worries from fans, and a whole lot more. It’s real good reading, settle the bloody hell down and get reading as I chat with Chris Sutherland, Gavin Price, Steve Mayles, Jens Restemeier, Steven Hurst, and Mark Stevenson – practically the whole flippin’ team!

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The Jimquisition: R.I.P. P.T. – Why We Can’t Keep Nice Things

Konami has erased P.T. from the PlayStation Network, killing what it probably saw as little more than a commercial for a now-canceled game. Thing is, it was more than a commercial. It was more than a GAME. It was a crucial piece of history that Konami has erased.

This doesn’t matter to game publishers, but it should matter to us. The digital age is coming, and companies get to decide what becomes history and what becomes forgotten. We can’t archive anything, and we should care.

P.S: This video comes with my best wishes to SupperBunnyHop, whose excellent investigation into Konami’s behavior has recently been hit with a DMCA-esque takedown notice by the publisher. Fuck Konami.  

Podquisition Episode 24: For Caffeine We Mourn

Two thirds of the Podquisition team have now given up caffeine and it’s ruining their lives, while Gavin sips wine and haughtily sits upon a throne of misery. Happy birthday, Gav!

We talk about Steam Greenlight’s latest problems, why Konami is rubbish for trying to erase P.T. from history, and have a giggle talking about Wolfenstein: The Old Blood.

All of this and much, much more can be yours to enjoy. Right now. NOW!

The Jimquisition: Warner Bother

(Apologies if the video thumbnail shows as a black screen until played. YouTube decided to break thumbnails today!)

Capcom, Konami, Electronic Arts, Ubisoft, Activison… there’s no shortage of “AAA” publishers to rail on for their naughty behavior. One company often gets overlooked, however, and it’s one of the naughtiest – Warner Brothers Interactive Entertainment.

Following the announcement of Batman: Arkham Knight’s $40 season pass, we take a look at some of WB’s cheekiest stunts – by no means an exhaustive list, but a great look at its feeding of pre-order culture, DLC saturation, and general lack of customer care.

D4 Interview: Swery65 Keeps Dark Dreams Alive On PC

Swery65 is something of a hero of mine. The brain behind Deadly Premonition, this goodhearted eccentric from Access Games is responsible for a game that has had more of an impact on me than perhaps any other piece of interactive entertainment. His Twin Peaks inspired open-world horror game blended humor and abject oddity in a way that almost defies description. I once described it as akin to two clowns eating each other – something so very, very wrong, but morbidly funny and arresting in its intrigue. It was lightning in a bottle, something I didn’t think Swery could pull off again.

D4: Dark Dreams Don’t Die proved me wrong. As weird and hilarious as its predecessor, D4 brought Access’ unusual storytelling to the Xbox One with aplomb, demonstrating that Swery65 knew exactly what he was doing and Deadly Premonition  was no fluke. Unfortunately, its marriage to the ill-fated Kinect, not to mention Microsoft’s carefree launch, did not bode well for the game’s market chances. D4 was not quite the underground hit Deadly Premonition was, and it looked like the episodic title would end its story on a cliffhanger.

Dark dreams, however, really are hard to kill – Swery recently announced that D4 was headed to PC, this time without the shackles of Microsoft, and it’s primed to not only get a second chance at success – a whole lot more content looms on the horizon. I had the pleasure of chatting with Mr. 65 about the upcoming Dark Dreams port, his work on the Xbox One, and the ambitious future for the D4 series. Enjoy The Jimquisition’s first ever interview!

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Podquisition Episode 23: Konami & Cornetto

On this week’s episode, we still haven’t quite worked all of the Konami out of our systems, so we air that for a good, satisfying bit of ranting. We also discuss the thing that broke between this and our last episode – chatting about Steam’s reversed mod selling plans.

Laura also has weird tiny not-ice-cream to review, State of Decay and Broken Age get OPINIONS spoken about them, and we’ve made the deadly discovery of Monster Energy Unleaded.

The Jimquisition: Konami Is Konami

Yeah, that’s right, you get TWO Jimquisitions this week! We can’t not have a nice chat about old nemesis Konami, perhaps the most embarrassing major publisher in the so-called “AAA” space.

This episode mostly retells the stunning tale of Konami’s greatest failures, but adds in some “I told you so” sentiments for good measure. Also, we look at the famous blacklist I received for my original Konami video.

Looking at it all, it’s not surprising Konami seems to be alienating Hideo Kojima and canceled Silent Hills. Konami is, after all, Konami… and it’s not like they can blacklist me twice!