Prima’s Dark Souls III Estus Flask Edition Guide Is An Estus Farce

Pictured above is the alleged “Estus Flask” included in the special edition guide book package Prima Games created for Dark Souls III. As you might be able to tell from a cursory glance, it’s absolute shit.

I’m not one for buying guide books usually – the only ones I buy are for games I’m really enraptured with, and I have them more for keepsakes than anything else. Being suitably impressed by the collector’s edition Bloodborne guide book, I expected quality from Prima’s Estus Flask Edition Dark Souls III publication.

Instead, I got an Estus Farce.

estus1

For reference, the image above is the flask as shown by Prima itself. It is nicely detailed and shaded in an authentic emerald color reminiscent of the iconic “undead favorite” healing item.

Now let’s take another look at the so-called Flask Prima is actually selling.

04

Crap. Pure, unabashed crap.

The hollow lump is made from cheap green plastic that doesn’t even come close to the shade featured in promotional photography. Upon closer inspection, I’m fairly certain the official image doesn’t even display a physical flask – it looks like they’ve substituted an artist’s rendition rather than the real product.

You’ll note that it doesn’t have an opening. The top of the “flask” is smooth plastic, meaning you can’t even put some Sunny Delight in it for Souls-related japes.

I could at least have thrown a little orange light in there to make it resemble something.

01

The guide comes in a nice little box, nothing too extravagant but it’ll sit nicely next to the rest of your videogame-themed tat.

This is a good thing, as the best way to display the aforementioned Estus Flask is in the box. With the lid tightly shut.

In fact, tell nobody you have the flask. Ever.

02

Inside, you’re greeted by two plain boxes and a small book bearing the Dark Sign image.

Already the whole package loses its lustre, as you open up the mysterious thematic box to find two cheap little cardboard boxes inside.

It’s not a great first impression, is it?

Still, at this point I had no idea that the larger of the two containers would house the most pointless piece of green plastic since Dean Cain’s credit card.

03

In complete fairness, the metal sword-shaped bookmark is nice, and the notepad is classy enough for something I’m never going to write in.

The bookmark is the best thing in the package. It’s nowhere near worth the $129.99 Prima brazenly expects for the whole deal, but if you ever see it sold on its own for a tenner somewhere, I can confirm it’s a quality length of metal.

That’s nice.

07

The actual guide book is thick, packed with writing, and features a nice slipcover, but it’s functionally underwhelming as an informative tome.

Looking through the book, I found myself able to come up with better boss strategies from memory than the ones found within – whoever wrote the boss guides really didn’t know their stuff, because they fail to mention very important attacks of certain enemies and seem totally unqualified to describe even their basic behavior.

It’s also an incredibly vague read at times. Item sections are abhorrent at telling you where loot is located, the section on NPCs often gives only the general whereabouts of where to find them, and overall the whole thing is written in a casual, laissez faire tone that does a piss-poor job of communicating vital information to readers.

At times, you’re expected to flip between chapters to keep a bead on quest lines or important locations. It’s a mess.

By contrast, the Dark Souls III Wiki is infinitely more reliable, despite its current incomplete state. It’s more direct and informative, with an easy flow of content that doesn’t resemble a collage of random thoughts.

05

In the name of Jesus fucking Christ though, that Estus Flask.

What absolute mongrel of a semen stain saw this bit of defaced polymer and thought it was acceptable?

It’s like they got an old man to rub his crusted ballsack all over the melted plastic while it was still hardening, then tossed it into the mould of the world’s least comfortable butt plug.

I predominantly thought the flask would be a cool addition to the Jimquisition set, something else to put on the lectern alongside all my other trophies and geeky nonsense. I’d be ashamed to have this on the show.

You can barely tell what it’s even supposed to be. In fact, if I’d never known it was meant to be an Estus Flask, I’d probably burn through a few guesses before I got it.

Prima, surely you can do better than this. You ought to be embarrassed by this total fucking trash.

Char Aznable
Guest
Char Aznable

The consummate thoroughness of this mess is Konami-esque. I’ve seen some shit pack-ins for $80-100 collectors editions of things but to include what is essentially an unmodified lump of solid plastic in a $130 package that doesn’t even have a game in it is the zenith of ballsiness.

G1ngerSt3pSen1orCitiz3n
Guest
G1ngerSt3pSen1orCitiz3n

I would rather die than take a swig of estus out of that…. that thing.

Chris Somethingson
Guest

I see that Estus Flask and all I can think is “butt plug?”

AceFlibble
Guest
AceFlibble

Is there not some kind of US-equivalent trading/advertising standards who could be informed and do something about this? To me this is a flagrant case of false advertising; the item illustrated and the item sold are consideraly different.

Jack Gilsenan
Guest
Jack Gilsenan

I know a few things you can do with that JimJams.

And by that I mean the sexuals.

Just get it right up that dick.

UnrealDiego
Guest
UnrealDiego

Please put it in your next Jimquisition

MeriwetherMalodor
Guest
MeriwetherMalodor

Jim, be honest. You’re going to try to put that in your butt, aren’t you?

Sapphire Crook
Guest
Sapphire Crook

I saw an add for a MINECRAFT strategy guide… As in, a fully translated Dutch one. With an add in a relatively large Dutch comic series.
I’m starting to think the Strategy Guide industry is just doing as the Romans do and are trying to be the biggest sleezebags of the Video Game Industry (and adjacents).

Max Whiteley
Guest
Max Whiteley

Oh my god, i laughed so hard at that! It’s the video game tat equivalent of “dropping the pint glass.”
Im sorry about laughing at your minor misfortune, but it is kinda funny!

Make sure you get your money’s worth out of that book mark!

Uldi
Guest
Uldi

I said it on Twitter, and I’ll say it here, it looks like a toddler’s cheap toy.

Pomcomic
Guest

Dat Artorias’ Greatsword letter opener tho.

Student of Alchemy
Guest
Student of Alchemy

If using the flask were easy, it wouldn’t be Dark Souls. I suppose you think they should have made a flask for casuals?

Michael Holstein
Guest
Michael Holstein

The question is will Jim send it back?

Morgannin
Guest
Morgannin

I expected this to be shit, but man, this is shit. This is what Namco and FromSoft get for forsaking their great relationship with FuturePress and instead hock their license to the highest bidder.

Error 52
Guest
Error 52

Boy, if you want bad strategy guides, look up the guide for Final Fantasy IX.

SilentPony
Guest
SilentPony

I completely disagree. This is the BEST merchandise ever, of all time. I mean you didn’t know what you were gonna’ get, therefore its scary. And emotional. We feel investment in the tats narrative driven, immersive existence. It may seem simple and cheap, but that’s only because you’re just not smart enough to understand it and you need to git gud! I mean here’s this plastic flask, not only playing with your expectations, but having the fully weight of a Shakespearean drama behind it. Bitterness. Sadness. Disappointment. Real David Cage emotions, with a polygon count up the ass! Its scary,… Read more »

Kyle Pierce
Guest
Kyle Pierce

Dark Souls:PTDE Match Making has been down for almost a week & you’re mad about some silly flask edition of DS3 that comes with a fancy green butt plug? Hell, you get a free butt plug! Praise the Sun!

TimRobbins
Guest
TimRobbins

I get Future Press guides as coffee table art books, the souls guides are lovely. They’re all pointless for information though. Aside from the internet being a thing, they lose substantial value after every patch to the game. I also wouldn’t even put that flask on my desk for pencils. Not that I have pencils. Or a desk… but if I did, I wouldn’t put them there.

MstrFantastic
Guest
MstrFantastic

Just tell everyone it’s the Dark Souls III butt plug. For filling your Dark Hole with Dark Souls.

Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

Umm… Could you return it? Also maybe sue them since it’s false advertising?

BriHard
Guest

It looks like a elementary school project, but that’s giving them too much credit.

Andrew Davis
Guest

“What absolute mongrel of a semen stain saw this bit of defaced polymer and thought it was acceptable?”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say something with such vitriol.
:O

ThomasTruong
Guest
ThomasTruong

“Prima, I’ve seen you do better than this.” Actually, Prima has never been better than this. Besides some work by other groups every once in awhile (such as that Bloodborne guide by Future Press), since they basically own a Monopoly on Strategy Guides, there’s no level of care to compete with. Nearly everything I’ve touched from them in the last few years, from inaccuracies in their Final Fantasy guides to just charts with no actual quest information in their Xenoblade Chronicles X guide, they’ve been garbage, and if strategy guides do disappear off the face of the Earth entirely, it… Read more »

Goopay2002
Guest
Goopay2002

It’s kinda like they just melted down a bunch of old Gumby toys they found at a garage sale….

wvstolzing
Guest
wvstolzing

That promotional picture isn’t a photograph; that’s suspicious in itself.

1 2 3 5