Hello there, beautiful people! Welcome to The Jimquisition, a website on the world’s finest Internet. Here, you can expect to find reviews for all of the lovely videogames that men and women sell in shops. I will write about the videogames, then I will nail a damn number at the end for my own salted pleasures. Some people don’t like review scores, and do not want to see them in reviews – that is okay! Scores here are subtle in their application, casually included at the end of the review, and you can always ignore it if you don’t think it’s useful. I personally like using scores, and intend to continue doing so until such time as I don’t.
But anyway, you might be wondering how I use numerical scores, and what each score might mean. In my prior work at Destructoid, I always aimed to use the full ten-point scale, rather than simply the higher end of it. There’s a popular belief that reviews are rated from 7-10 by major outlets, instead of 1-10, and while that’s an exaggeration, I certainly feel more publications could stand to utilize all the numbers a bit more readily. With that in mind, every number means something distinct on my scale, and I do include decimal “point five” scores in between for nuance’s sake – in my way-too extensive experience, it’s generally useful to have that bit of wiggle room, that sense of, “this was *almost* good enough to rate higher, but didn’t quite make it.”
Anyway, here are the damn scores, and what they bloody mean!
10 (Sterling): A 10 represents the finest of the fine, an exemplar of its genre, and the current game of its type to beat. While nothing in life is perfect, these games come as close to the ideal as one can get. Such a score is not given lightly, and is reserved for true pinnacles of the medium. A pinnacle can be relative – another game may eventually come that bests it, but for now, this is the kind of stuff the industry ought to strive for.
9 (Superb): A 9 represents excellence in almost every area, or at least a consistently delightful experience from beginning to end. There may be problems with the game, but they’re of a negligible variety, and often include such criticisms as, “I wish there were more of the thing that was brilliant.” While not a genre leader, it’s truly a beautiful game in several significant ways.
8 (Great): An 8 represents something that could prove immensely enjoyable to a majority of people, if not everybody. There are one or two noteworthy blemishes on their records, something holding them back, but nothing so major as to not be worth a lot of peoples’ time and energy.
7 (Good): A 7 represents a favorable slice of entertainment that ought to prove welcome in the right house. Not the most glamorous, polished, or jawdropping, but most definitely good for a chuckle or two.
6 (Alright): A 6 represents an acceptable game, the kind of experience unimaginative reviewers (like me) would call “solid.” These workaday games put the hours in, do their time, and manage not to offend the senses too much. They’re okay!
5 (Mediocre): A 5 represents “true neutral” on the scale. It’s not good, it’s not bad. It sits perfectly in between, doing nothing to stand out. It’s not going to ruin your day, but it’s not going to add anything positive, either. Truly the kind of videogame that exists solely to exist.
4 (Subpar): A 4 represents a below average, inferior experience. There may be some high points, a couple of hopeful moments, but they soon give way to the notably less favorable issues.
3 (Poor): A 3 represents a game with some significant damage. While it may have had some potential at one point, that’s been lost to lousy design, glitches, or some other unfortunate failure. Might be interesting… sometimes… but rarely.
2 (Bad): A 2 represents a straight-up bad game. A thorough disaster, there is no hope of a positive experience ever shining through all the broken features and atrocious ideas. Only the truly desperate will be able to dig through the mire and find something passable.
1 (Accursed): A 1 represents not just a bad game, but something offensively bad. Typically, but not always, something so truly vile that the reviewer can’t even manage to get a fraction of the way into it. The game doesn’t have to be broken beyond playability, but that’s common. It could also be so unintuitively designed, intellectually insulting, or even morally bankrupt as to render it beyond salvation. Either way, there is NO potential for a good time, even a meager one. There’s no talent, no skill, no depth, and no hope. This is… The Accursed.
So that’s how The Jimquisition’s scores work! Thank you for reading and supporting the site, and for joining me in my bid to continue providing independent, unfettered, and interesting videogame criticism. Believe the hype!