The Jimquisition: The Depressing Joy Of Garden Warfare

Plants Vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 has become one of my favorite games, and that should make me happy. I mean, it does… but it’s sort of depressing.

When AAA games come out and give you everything you expect, it’s a cause for celebration. That we DO celebrate when things do what they’re supposed to is indicative of a problem.

But seriously, I really love that game about flowers and corpses.

The Jimquisition: Early AAAccess

I swear this is NOT yet another episode about Steam Early Access! It’s actually about Street Fighter V, and games of a similar ilk.

It’s just a really, really good title for the episode this week, as we talk about “AAA” games released in a deliberately unfurnished state with content promised later down the line.

God damn, is Early AAAccess a great title, though.

The Bullshit Roundup: Randy Lies, EA Cries, Mortal Kombat Dies

This edition of Bullshit Roundup relies heavily on the more common definition of the word “bullshit,” as two of our stories describe intense peddlers of it. Both Electronic Arts and Randy Pitchford have made some real “wait, really?” statements this week.

Warner Brothers is keeping it real with some true corporate shite, however, delivering Mortal Kombat X news that is not making fans happy.

Let’s cut to the bullshit!

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Metabombed: Star Wars Battlefront Is A “Festering Heap Of Garbage”

It should come as no surprise that Star Wars Battlefront is the latest game to be METABOMBED by angry user reviewers. While I enjoyed the game quite a bit, the changes made to the Battlefront formula combined with Electronic Arts’ unfortunate DLC model was a guaranteed recipe for boiled piss.

The anger was brewed to perfection before the game was even out, and it didn’t take long for Metacritic’s user reviews to reflect it. This is where I’d say a Star Wars quote to sum up the intro in a cute way, but I can’t think of anything.

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The Bullshit Roundup: Microtransactions In Tomb Raider And Halo 5, Star Wars: Battlefront‘s $50 Season Pass

A lot of bullshit happens in the game industry and I get inundated with references to this bullshit whenever it does. People want to see a new Jimquisition video every time the latest “AAA” game has microtransactions or some garbage downloadable content.

The main problem is, my video series often already has episodes that apply entirely to whatever new scandal has occurred, meaning all I’d end up doing would be rewording a prior video with some names changes.

However, it IS important to call this trash out whenever it happens. Since I no longer post on a news blog, I thought it’d be fun to do a semi-regular feature that collects the latest nonsense from major publishers and presents them with scorn. I may be beating the proverbial dead horse every time I do one, but I say the horse is alive as long as companies continue acting like cocks.

Please enjoy our latest editorial adventure, The Bullshit Roundup!

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The Jimquisition: Enjoy The Silence, Feel The Noise

As news of Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate‘s microtransactions spreads, some folk roll their eyes at the usual pundits beating a dead horse and reiterating the same old outrage. This, friends, is how The Silence spreads.

The Silence is what publishers want. They keep their mouths shut and wait for their audience to get bored of the latest scandal. It’s an effective tactic, one that creates aggressive and infectious apathy. That apathy is then used to lash out at others who won’t “get over it” and continue to talk about scandalous antics.

So let’s talk about that, and the power noise has when it transcends that silence. Also, Jim has never heard of Jimsaw.