Metabombed: Star Wars Battlefront Is A “Festering Heap Of Garbage”

It should come as no surprise that Star Wars Battlefront is the latest game to be METABOMBED by angry user reviewers. While I enjoyed the game quite a bit, the changes made to the Battlefront formula combined with Electronic Arts’ unfortunate DLC model was a guaranteed recipe for boiled piss.

The anger was brewed to perfection before the game was even out, and it didn’t take long for Metacritic’s user reviews to reflect it. This is where I’d say a Star Wars quote to sum up the intro in a cute way, but I can’t think of anything.

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The Bullshit Roundup: Microtransactions In Tomb Raider And Halo 5, Star Wars: Battlefront‘s $50 Season Pass

A lot of bullshit happens in the game industry and I get inundated with references to this bullshit whenever it does. People want to see a new Jimquisition video every time the latest “AAA” game has microtransactions or some garbage downloadable content.

The main problem is, my video series often already has episodes that apply entirely to whatever new scandal has occurred, meaning all I’d end up doing would be rewording a prior video with some names changes.

However, it IS important to call this trash out whenever it happens. Since I no longer post on a news blog, I thought it’d be fun to do a semi-regular feature that collects the latest nonsense from major publishers and presents them with scorn. I may be beating the proverbial dead horse every time I do one, but I say the horse is alive as long as companies continue acting like cocks.

Please enjoy our latest editorial adventure, The Bullshit Roundup!

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The Jimquisition: Enjoy The Silence, Feel The Noise

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As news of Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate‘s microtransactions spreads, some folk roll their eyes at the usual pundits beating a dead horse and reiterating the same old outrage. This, friends, is how The Silence spreads.

The Silence is what publishers want. They keep their mouths shut and wait for their audience to get bored of the latest scandal. It’s an effective tactic, one that creates aggressive and infectious apathy. That apathy is then used to lash out at others who won’t “get over it” and continue to talk about scandalous antics.

So let’s talk about that, and the power noise has when it transcends that silence. Also, Jim has never heard of Jimsaw.

Metabombed: Battlefield Hardline is a ‘Piece of Sh1t’

After a tepid marketing campaign and a lot of cynicism from the audience, Battlefield Hardline finally slogged it to the finishing line and released this week. The critics’ response has been lukewarm to say the least, to the point where I’ve been one of the more positive reviewers on the block. Most of the big guns think it’s “okay” at the very best – a decent enough, but dated and tone-deaf shooter.

What do The People think of it, though? Well, we have a controversial installment in a huge big budget franchise, a new developer on an established IP, Electronic Arts as the publisher… oh my, this is mama’s classic recipe for Shitstorm Soup!

You guessed it – Battlefield Hardline has been Metabombed by user reviews, as gamers take to everybody’s favorite pissing contest stadium and give EA a piece of their angry, angry minds.

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The Jimquisition: Regarding My Inquisitor And Vaginas

This is the last “standard” Jimquisition of 2014, as we see out the rest of the year with our annual Jimquisition Awards and Top Ten Shittiest Games. How exciting!

Before we get to all the celebratory stuff, how about a bit of satire? This week, we send up the kind of people who are furious at the mere existence of diverse romance options in BioWare’s games. For those who already asked – yes, there are actually people who think and talk like this, and it’s really quite sad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get back to pounding it…

And pounding it.

And pounding it.

And pounding it.