The Jimquisition: Why Horizon: Zero Dawn‘s Success Is Good No Matter Who You Are

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I realize this will reinforce the “Sony Shill” thing (which is ironic if you’ve known me long enough to remember when I was the “anti-Sony bias Nintendo shill”), but Horizon: Zero Dawn‘s success is worth talking about.

The game’s doing well, and while those who loyally defend plastic machinery might think otherwise, that’s a good thing for everybody. Yes, even if you’re putting all your stock in the Switch.

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The Jimquisition: Circle Of Strife

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GameStop, it’s time to sit before The Jimquisition and listen to the charges brought before you. Lament, ye sinner, and may God have mercy ‘pon your rotten soul.

Also, your Circle of Life thing is broken bullshit, as is your whole working relationship with the game industry. Shove THAT in your circle.

(Kotaku’s coverage can be found here)

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The Jimquisition: A Cautionary Post-Mortem Of Evolve

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Battleborn is not the only 2K Games release to have suffered indignity this generation. Evolve, more famous for its DLC model than anything it did as a game, was another multiplayer shooter that failed to do anything better than fail.

The fate of Evolve serves as a cautionary tale to any would-be project banking on additional content to make its money. Audience goodwill is a finite resource, and when you push for excess at the expense of quality, you might just find out how finite it is.

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The Jimquisition: Nintendo’s Virtual Console Is Trash Garbage

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With Pokemon Snap finally arriving on the North American Wii U Virtual Console, it’s time to get something off my incredible tits.

Let’s talk about Nintendo’s terrible VC release structure.

(PS – Apologies for the ad. For some reason Chains of Love no longer reliably gets flagged and deadlocks the ContentID bots being deployed by Nintendo, who elected to monetize this video. I am appealing it, obviously. In future I’ll have to throw a few more deadlocks out to properly safeguard against game companies’ disrespect of fair use.)

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The Jimquisition: Big Empty Sandboxes

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Open world games are everywhere, and it’s getting really stupid. You can tell they’re happening just to follow a trend as well, since so few open world games manage to justify actually being open world.

There are blatant clues found in many of these desolate sandboxes, and we’re going to talk about them and why they’re making videogames rubbish.

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The Bullshit Roundup: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered Just Got Microtransactions

Usually the Bullshit Roundup consists of several stories of industry sleaze culled from recent headlines, but today we’re focusing on just one. Activision’s little stunt with Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered deserves a spotlight all its own, because it may be the single biggest liberty taken with fee-to-pay gaming.

The rerelease of Modern Warfare was updated recently to include microtransactions, setting a new garbage precedent in post-sale money-grubbing.

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Let’s Take A Moment To Laugh At ContentID Fucking Up The Game Awards

We’ve spoken in exhaustive detail about the utter ridiculousness of ContentID and how it’s abused by companies who disrespect Fair Use on YouTube.

Now we have perhaps the most beautiful example of the automated copyright detection system working in all its fuckheaded glory. Last night’s stream of The Game Advertisements is currently muted due to ContentID’s robotic detection and silencing of allegedly copyrighted audio.

One assumes that a corporate-sponsored, highly expensive professional affair like The Game Advertisements acquired the rights to any music it may have used. In fact, there’s no way Geoff Keighley’s outfit wouldn’t have done so.

This matters not to a system designed without the ability to appreciate context or respect peoples’ rights. ContentID just marched right in and silenced the entire VOD.

And that’s fucking hilarious.

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The Jimquisition: Nintendo – A Shit Distributor And Fuckheaded Toymaker

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Nintendo’s manufactured scarcity is a commonly known deal, and it’s just getting beyond ludicrous.

The NES Classic is the latest farce, shipping to stores in pitiful numbers despite well-known demand.

Basically, Nintendo’s a fucked up toymaker thinking everything it makes is a goddamn Hatchimal, whatever the hell THAT is!

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