The Jimquisition: Nintendo’s Virtual Console Is Trash Garbage

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With Pokemon Snap finally arriving on the North American Wii U Virtual Console, it’s time to get something off my incredible tits.

Let’s talk about Nintendo’s terrible VC release structure.

(PS – Apologies for the ad. For some reason Chains of Love no longer reliably gets flagged and deadlocks the ContentID bots being deployed by Nintendo, who elected to monetize this video. I am appealing it, obviously. In future I’ll have to throw a few more deadlocks out to properly safeguard against game companies’ disrespect of fair use.)

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The Jimquisition: Big Empty Sandboxes

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Open world games are everywhere, and it’s getting really stupid. You can tell they’re happening just to follow a trend as well, since so few open world games manage to justify actually being open world.

There are blatant clues found in many of these desolate sandboxes, and we’re going to talk about them and why they’re making videogames rubbish.

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The Bullshit Roundup: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered Just Got Microtransactions

Usually the Bullshit Roundup consists of several stories of industry sleaze culled from recent headlines, but today we’re focusing on just one. Activision’s little stunt with Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered deserves a spotlight all its own, because it may be the single biggest liberty taken with fee-to-pay gaming.

The rerelease of Modern Warfare was updated recently to include microtransactions, setting a new garbage precedent in post-sale money-grubbing.

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Let’s Take A Moment To Laugh At ContentID Fucking Up The Game Awards

We’ve spoken in exhaustive detail about the utter ridiculousness of ContentID and how it’s abused by companies who disrespect Fair Use on YouTube.

Now we have perhaps the most beautiful example of the automated copyright detection system working in all its fuckheaded glory. Last night’s stream of The Game Advertisements is currently muted due to ContentID’s robotic detection and silencing of allegedly copyrighted audio.

One assumes that a corporate-sponsored, highly expensive professional affair like The Game Advertisements acquired the rights to any music it may have used. In fact, there’s no way Geoff Keighley’s outfit wouldn’t have done so.

This matters not to a system designed without the ability to appreciate context or respect peoples’ rights. ContentID just marched right in and silenced the entire VOD.

And that’s fucking hilarious.

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The Jimquisition: Nintendo – A Shit Distributor And Fuckheaded Toymaker

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Nintendo’s manufactured scarcity is a commonly known deal, and it’s just getting beyond ludicrous.

The NES Classic is the latest farce, shipping to stores in pitiful numbers despite well-known demand.

Basically, Nintendo’s a fucked up toymaker thinking everything it makes is a goddamn Hatchimal, whatever the hell THAT is!

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Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare‘s Installations Are Fucking Ridiculous

The above unimpressive image was taken from Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare‘s campaign installation screen in the middle of the night. Despite having downloaded the game on PlayStation 4 some nine or ten hours beforehand, the single-player mode had not yet even begun to “install.”

In fact, nothing was actually ready after the game had allegedly downloaded, in a manner very similar to Mafia III.

You may believe this article is a retread of a grievances aired only a few weeks ago, and for the most part you’d be correct.

I’ll stop complaining about it when the videogame industry stops fucking doing it.

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The Jimquisition: On Publishers Controlling Game Reviews

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As Bethesda proudly announces it will no longer provide review copies until the day before a game launches, The Jimquisition decides to deliver some hefty side-eyeing.

This news came just as your very own Jim Sterling found out EA considers him a “wild card” who isn’t to be trusted with high profile games like Battlefield 1.

Game publishers have been steadily manipulating the review process for years, and when you consider how shitty the “AAA” game world’s become… is it any bloody wonder?

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I’m Too Much Of A Wild Card To Receive Review Copies

Yesterday I explained why I do not yet have a Titanfall 2 review while other outlets (some with considerably smaller audiences) got theirs up no problem.

I talked about my inability to receive review copies of Electronic Arts and select Square Enix games, with the PR firm 47 Communications being the common brick wall. After multiple failed attempts to learn the reason from 47, I decided to be the squeaky wheel and write about it in an article.

The squeaky wheel didn’t get grease, but it did get answers from sources who read the article in question. The good news is, 47 Communications does not apparently have any quarrel with me. The bad news is, some publishers think I’m just too much of a wild card to be trusted.

Wait… that’s not really bad news. That makes me sound awesome!

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