Metabombed: Mass Effect: Andromeda Is ‘Pure SJW Propaganda’

It’s a new Mass Effect, so you know what means – it’s time for everyone to behave like it’s 28 Days Later!

Yes, Mass Effect: Andromeda is the latest game from BioWare, a studio with a ton of fans who seem to be angry all of the time. This latest installment has certainly given rise to some outrage, with poor dialog, unpopular gameplay mechanics, and character animations that range from hilarious to ghastly.

Also, apparently “liberalism” is the reason this happened? What a time to be alive!

Do you think this game got Metabombed? Oh friend, they’re Metabombing the shit out of this one!

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The Sad Ghost War Between Breath of the Wild And Horizon: Zero Dawn

The frenzy surrounding The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a whole new level of fan overreaction, and this is coming from someone who’s seen what happens when you say Uncharted isn’t perfect.

When they’re not busy launching DDoS attacks against outlets that didn’t like the game as much as they did, they’re being really very angry at Horizon: Zero Dawn, a game with very little connection to Zelda but has become a popular target of BotW‘s most delirious fanbabies.

Both games are huge open world experiences, and both are exclusive to particular consoles. This is of course a recipe for disaster where the two games were destined to be compared in the most vitriolic ways imaginable. Plenty of Nintendo’s zealots were furious when they learned of my own highly favorable review, and if you believe them, Zero Dawn‘s fanbase has had an axe to grind against Breath of the Wild for a long time.

The reality, however, is not quite as these wearers of green, pointy, tinfoil-lined hats would lead you to believe.

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Metabombed: Dead Rising 4 Is ‘Awful, Just Awful’

Dead Rising 4 was released right at the beginning of the month, but folks are still unhappy about it. While I enjoyed the game myself, Dead Rising‘s veteran fanbase bristles with discontent at what they see as a “dumbing down” of the series and the removal of its best elements.

Usually, a controversial release like this would be drowned in negative Metacritic user reviews at launch, but it took some time for the negativity to boil over this time. Here we are though, on Christmas Eve, and what better way to celebrate a season of goodwill than looking at some really angry comments on the Internet?

Yes, Dead Rising 4 has been METABOMBED… at least after a relatively long period of accumulation.

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The Jimquisition: A Lesson In Five Nights

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Five Nights At Freddy’s is a mind-boggling success, but it wasn’t always this way, and Scott Cawthon was not always a horror mastermind.

Adversity and a hell of a lot of criticism got Five Nights creator Cawthon where he is today, and on the second annual Jimdependence Day, we examine how.

The Jimquisition: On Publishers Controlling Game Reviews

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As Bethesda proudly announces it will no longer provide review copies until the day before a game launches, The Jimquisition decides to deliver some hefty side-eyeing.

This news came just as your very own Jim Sterling found out EA considers him a “wild card” who isn’t to be trusted with high profile games like Battlefield 1.

Game publishers have been steadily manipulating the review process for years, and when you consider how shitty the “AAA” game world’s become… is it any bloody wonder?

I’m Too Much Of A Wild Card To Receive Review Copies

Yesterday I explained why I do not yet have a Titanfall 2 review while other outlets (some with considerably smaller audiences) got theirs up no problem.

I talked about my inability to receive review copies of Electronic Arts and select Square Enix games, with the PR firm 47 Communications being the common brick wall. After multiple failed attempts to learn the reason from 47, I decided to be the squeaky wheel and write about it in an article.

The squeaky wheel didn’t get grease, but it did get answers from sources who read the article in question. The good news is, 47 Communications does not apparently have any quarrel with me. The bad news is, some publishers think I’m just too much of a wild card to be trusted.

Wait… that’s not really bad news. That makes me sound awesome!

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Metabombed: Mafia III Is ‘A White Guilt Fueled Mess Of A Port’

Mafia III did not receive the critical reception Hangar 13 had perhaps hoped for. My own review is pretty reflective of the average score it’s gotten from professional critics, with the repetitive gameplay, cookie-cutter open world structure, and squandering of style being chief complaints.

Of course, the pros have nothing on the general public when it comes to expressing distaste for something, and Mafia III is the latest high profile game to get METABOMBED by disgruntled players on Metacritic’s user review system.

Much of the assault has come from PC users disappointed by the game’s demonstrably lacking port. Even after it was patched to include framerate options, Mafia III is failing to be everything it could be in the eyes of customers.

Let’s check out what they’ve been saying. It’s “content” I suppose, innit?

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The Best Of Haydee‘s Steam User Reviews

Haydee is  a self-described “hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics,” priding itself on punishing gameplay that doesn’t hold your hand. Its protagonist also has massive boobs and a big ol’ arse that thrusts toward the camera at regular intervals.

Unsurprisingly, Steam users love it!

This obfuscating game with astounding breastsploitation is rocketing up Steam’s charts, giving thirsty boys everywhere a taste of what Real Hardcore Gaming is all about. Crucially, the customer reviews are solid gold, far more entertaining than the game itself.

Let’s look at them!

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