Metabombed: Mafia III Is ‘A White Guilt Fueled Mess Of A Port’

Mafia III did not receive the critical reception Hangar 13 had perhaps hoped for. My own review is pretty reflective of the average score it’s gotten from professional critics, with the repetitive gameplay, cookie-cutter open world structure, and squandering of style being chief complaints.

Of course, the pros have nothing on the general public when it comes to expressing distaste for something, and Mafia III is the latest high profile game to get METABOMBED by disgruntled players on Metacritic’s user review system.

Much of the assault has come from PC users disappointed by the game’s demonstrably lacking port. Even after it was patched to include framerate options, Mafia III is failing to be everything it could be in the eyes of customers.

Let’s check out what they’ve been saying. It’s “content” I suppose, innit?

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The Best Of Haydee‘s Steam User Reviews

Haydee is  a self-described “hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics,” priding itself on punishing gameplay that doesn’t hold your hand. Its protagonist also has massive boobs and a big ol’ arse that thrusts toward the camera at regular intervals.

Unsurprisingly, Steam users love it!

This obfuscating game with astounding breastsploitation is rocketing up Steam’s charts, giving thirsty boys everywhere a taste of what Real Hardcore Gaming is all about. Crucially, the customer reviews are solid gold, far more entertaining than the game itself.

Let’s look at them!

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Deus Ex: Mankind Divided – The Hottest Take

So I can’t review Deus Ex: Mankind Divided yet because I got a review copy last night and the embargo is up now. I also can’t do a Jimpressions video because Square Enix is disallowing footage to be shown until next week.

The best I can do for you while I continue playing the game and work on getting a written review up (hopefully) before launch is a general written assessment based on my time spent with the game so far.

So here we go…

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Metabombed: No Man’s Sky Is “Worthless In Every Way”

The horrifying frenzy around No Man’s Sky continues unabated, and as with any potentially controversial game release, the furor runs both ways – there are zealous defenders who refuse to accept a single criticism, and obsessive detractors who need the world to know just how much they don’t like a thing other people like.

Is it any surprise, any surprise at all, that Hello Games’ procedurally generated crafting game is the latest target of a good ol’ fashioned Metabomb?

Yes, it’s that time again. Time to wade into the user reviews of Metacritic as a power struggle has emerged between No Man’s Sky‘s lovers and haters. Let’s put on our biohazard suits and get knee-deep in the filth, shall we?

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Metabombed: Mighty No. 9 Is A ‘Big Stinky No. 2’

Well, this might be the most predictable Metabombed feature I’ve ever had to publish.

With three years of growing resentment, Mighty No. 9‘s initially excited throng of backers have been steadily infuriated by delays, mixed messages, insulting marketing, and disappointing visual changes. Mighty No. 9 has gone from being Keiji Inafune’s declaration of independence to a mediocre flop with a reputation that almost makes Colonial Marines look beloved.

Official reviews have been mixed, but the majority opinion is that MN9 is a mediocre disappointment. The user reviews, of course, swing for the fences with wild extremes – and the negative end of that extreme is winning.

Mighty No. 9, unsurprisingly, it is the latest game to see a huge Metabomb dropped in its front lawn.

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Metabombed: Mirror’s Edge Catalyst Is ‘A Pile Of Doodoo’

Mirror’s Edge Catalyst launched this week and the reviews have been… mixed. Even the positive reviews suggest it has plenty of problems, even while ultimately concluding it’s fun and exhilarating. Others have not been so kind, suggesting it’s inferior to the original game in every way.

Meanwhile, in the ever delightful user review section of Metacritic, the perpetually angered are having a field day. Catalyst is the latest game to suffer the wrath of the METABOMB as users pour scorn on what they consider a shameless mockery of the game they once loved.

I’ve only played a little so far, and it seems okay, but this isn’t about me. This is about Metacritic user reviews!

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Metabombed: Overwatch Was ‘The Worst Mistake Of My Life’

Overwatch has largely been embraced by critics and fans alike, as Blizzard continues to do no wrong in the eyes of millions.

It says something about the game’s popularity that it can resist being dragged into the red by a concerted push of negative user reviews, but that hasn’t stopped the vocal opposers from attempting a satisfying Metabomb of the game. Their efforts have done enough to put the game in yellow territory with a largely “average” user review score across all platforms.

Chief among complaints is the lack of content, which reviewers claim puts Overwatch on the same level as Evolve and Star Wars Battlefront. While I’d disagree given the game’s astonishingly diverse cast of characters, I certainly see peoples’ point.

Others have quite rightly picked at the game’s avaricious fee-to-pay economy, while some simply settled for shitting all over the game because it’s popular. Those latter folks are often my favorites.

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The Best Of GameFAQs’ Uncharted 4/Quantum Break Temper Tantrum

If you want some overwrought outrage and a high concentration of people missing the point of things, a good place to start is GameFAQs.

In my experience, I’ve found it’s a primo source of Eggshell Princes who get supremely sensitive over review scores and routinely interpret jokes as 100% sincere statements.

With the publication of my latest Blatantly Better, in which I argued for Quantum Break‘s superiority over Uncharted 4, you can bet your ass some noble corporate defenders stepped up to protect Sony’s integrity.

In the hilariously titled topic, Jim Sterling & Jimquisition: The Master of Clickbait, an outraged KinjoTakemura presented my article with just the bullet points, robbed of context, and took the whole thing at face value.

The results were funny as fuck. Here’s the best stuff.

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