The Jimquisition: Zombies, Spider Heads, Hammers, And Menus

The Jimquisition takes time out from personal, embittered, GAF thread-locking drama topics and reheats a favorite kitchen dish – let’s slow roast some asset flips for maximum flavor!

From familiar zombies to a tragic arachnid with a great past and no future, we look at the most overused assets money can buy, and warn Steam Direct to look for the telltale signs of a bad, bad developer.

Bonus Segment: Oh Ubisoft

(“March of the Sterling Jester” cover by Nathan Hanover:

UnitZ reactions compiled by Ruslidmit:

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The Best Of Haydee‘s Steam User Reviews

Haydee is  a self-described “hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics,” priding itself on punishing gameplay that doesn’t hold your hand. Its protagonist also has massive boobs and a big ol’ arse that thrusts toward the camera at regular intervals.

Unsurprisingly, Steam users love it!

This obfuscating game with astounding breastsploitation is rocketing up Steam’s charts, giving thirsty boys everywhere a taste of what Real Hardcore Gaming is all about. Crucially, the customer reviews are solid gold, far more entertaining than the game itself.

Let’s look at them!


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On No Man’s Sky And Refunds

Yes, it’s yet another piece about No Man’s Sky, but right now it truly seems to be the controversy that just won’t quit. I’d be silly to ignore it.

The latest in this game’s storied fallout is a kerfuffle over refunds – this weekend was rife with rumors that Steam, Sony, and Amazon were offering unconditional refunds for the game following allegations of deception on behalf of developer Hello Games.

While not entirely true, a shitstorm was had regardless, because this is No Man’s Sky, a game proving more contentious than Mass Effect 3.


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The Jimquisition: YOLO Army

Steam Greenlight was designed to let customers vote on the games that looked most appealing, that they most wanted to buy.

It was a noble idea and an interesting way to allow indie games a chance at recognition.

Unfortunately, the well has been poisoned and the idea perverted to allow all manner of unwanted shite onto Steam. There is one particular vector of infection that must be taken to task.

It’s a “publisher” that calls itself YOLO Army.

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Trek Versus Activision: How Orion Went From Victim To Villain In One Night

We’re used to seeing corporations use DMCA rulings to take down videos and music uploads, but it’s rare to see an entire videogame torn down over a copyright claim. That’s what happened on June 27 when Orion was removed from Steam via Activision, following claims that assets – primarily gun models – were illegally copied from Call of Duty: Black Ops III.

David Prassel of Trek Industries got ahead of Activision and claimed the takedown was spurious.

The natural inclination of the Internet was to assume Activision was the bad guy. It’s a classic story – the big corporation throwing its weight around and crushing a smaller competitor.

But then things got… complicated.


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Watch Dogs 2 And The Steam Users Who Hate Black People

So, the main protagonist of the freshly announced Watch Dogs 2 is black. Big whoop, right? It’s not as common to see a black protagonist as it is a generic angry white man out to avenge a dead family member, but it’s far from unheard of, right?

CJ in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, James Heller in Prototype 2, Lee Everett from The Walking Dead, there are plenty of good examples, many of which have been able to appear without a huge outcry.

But of course, we now live in a world where “SJWs” are being blamed for anything even slightly deviating from the ubiquitous and the abundant. So it is that the appearance of a black protagonist in both Mafia III and Watch Dogs 2 have made some people upset. Some really miserable, perpetually offended people.

Edgy conspiracy theorists are mad because every one videogame out of hundreds has a black lead. It’s an overused word, but sometimes it’s apt – entitled is most certainly the perfect descriptor for them.


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