The Jimquisition: Goodbye Greenlight

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Steam Greenlight, while once a promising and perhaps even noble endeavor, became a shitting tip in a year.

Greenlight, aka Greenblight, aka Memelight, a service that did not so much open the floodgates as pull them off the hinges and sell the bastards for scrap metal.

Now it’s gone, so let’s give it the funeral it deserves!

Bonus Content: Oh, Ubisoft!

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The Jimquisition: Bullshitstorm

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Oh Gearbox, will you ever learn?

So the great minds running the Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition scene decided to compound its ludicrous MSRP by partnering with G2A. Yes that G2A, the notoriously scummy one that profits from fraud.

How did that turn out, and what does it say of this industry that it happened in the first place? Let’s find out together, you POG freaks!

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The Jimquisition: Talking Steam… Directly

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Your ol’ pal Jim Sterling was at Valve HQ to talk about Steam’s future, including Steam Direct, Curators, and what to do about certain fucknuts.

Presented for your enjoyment is my assessment of the meeting and my thoughts toward the future of Steam and potential LACK of future certain fucknuts have.

Bonus Content: Fuck Konami News 

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The Jimquisition: Zombies, Spider Heads, Hammers, And Menus

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The Jimquisition takes time out from personal, embittered, GAF thread-locking drama topics and reheats a favorite kitchen dish – let’s slow roast some asset flips for maximum flavor!

From familiar zombies to a tragic arachnid with a great past and no future, we look at the most overused assets money can buy, and warn Steam Direct to look for the telltale signs of a bad, bad developer.

Bonus Segment: Oh Ubisoft

(“March of the Sterling Jester” cover by Nathan Hanover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd8nE8TN5xQ

UnitZ reactions compiled by Ruslidmit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3PpXsax-sQ)

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The Best Of Haydee‘s Steam User Reviews

Haydee is  a self-described “hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics,” priding itself on punishing gameplay that doesn’t hold your hand. Its protagonist also has massive boobs and a big ol’ arse that thrusts toward the camera at regular intervals.

Unsurprisingly, Steam users love it!

This obfuscating game with astounding breastsploitation is rocketing up Steam’s charts, giving thirsty boys everywhere a taste of what Real Hardcore Gaming is all about. Crucially, the customer reviews are solid gold, far more entertaining than the game itself.

Let’s look at them!

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On No Man’s Sky And Refunds

Yes, it’s yet another piece about No Man’s Sky, but right now it truly seems to be the controversy that just won’t quit. I’d be silly to ignore it.

The latest in this game’s storied fallout is a kerfuffle over refunds – this weekend was rife with rumors that Steam, Sony, and Amazon were offering unconditional refunds for the game following allegations of deception on behalf of developer Hello Games.

While not entirely true, a shitstorm was had regardless, because this is No Man’s Sky, a game proving more contentious than Mass Effect 3.

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