Haydee is a self-described “hardcore old-style metroidvania mixed with modern-day third person shooter and platformer mechanics,” priding itself on punishing gameplay that doesn’t hold your hand. Its protagonist also has massive boobs and a big ol’ arse that thrusts toward the camera at regular intervals.
Unsurprisingly, Steam users love it!
This obfuscating game with astounding breastsploitation is rocketing up Steam’s charts, giving thirsty boys everywhere a taste of what Real Hardcore Gaming is all about. Crucially, the customer reviews are solid gold, far more entertaining than the game itself.
Let’s look at them!
We shall kick off with some lighthearted homophobia from Papa Soma.
As deep my love goes for Metroidvania games and big, curvy women, this game is something certinly for people like me. Who knows, you might not be me, so eh. All I can say is that you’re gay. :^)
I tried running a word count for “thicc” on the review page but it broke my browser forever. Here’s Rexus300’s review.
I’ll probably come up with a better explaination later.
This game is totally a thumbs up.
And dang is Haydee Thicc!
Just a quick recommendation from sono.
Review On 2016-09-26: Tuts!
Here’s hoping Johnny Spoiler one day gets the game of his creams… sorry, dreams. Despite saying it isn’t fun, he still gives it a thumbs up. That’s quality gamin’!
Wish I had to put a creampie in her and the game was actually really fun. I advises this to those who like women and games with puzzle.
Here’s JoeManFoo to tell you what gaming is really all about – dying a lot.
So. As the first achivement goes in the game “Welcome to Haydee”.
This game is hard. You’re going to die.
You don’t know what the hell to do next. You’re going to die.
You’re going to die.
If you do not enjoy games where you’re going to die a lot don’t buy this. If you do purchase this game, be aware that this isn’t visually a game for children and please refrain from baggering the community and the developer(s) with “Why…?” It’s not important and if you’re offended then don’t buy the game.
As to the gameplay. You’re going to die a lot! This is a puzzle game, you need to think, problem solve and you’re going to die a lot. As with every puzzler you need to look around EVERYWHERE you go. The place you need to get to next maybe a few rooms back, in a spot you didn’t look at the first time 😉
You’re going to die a lot.
I’m looking forward to hopefully getting information on who I am, where am I, what am I doing here…So hopefully the story is as clever as the problem solving and challenge are. I have a few games in my library here on Steam and this is the first time I’ve given a review in a very long time if ever. The feeling of the game is pretty much the same as the start of The Talos Project – same why am I hear, etc., but Haydee doesn’t scratch that itch, which forces you to push on through the frustrations of dying a lot!
So, if you like dying a lot and not having a clue on why you’re trying to escape from whereever this is and love finding your way out then the $15 or so is worth it – it sure is for me and I’m enjoying myself in between the rage quits after dying a lot 🙂
Tip: How to get down on to a ledge – think about how you’d do it in the real world, back up and crouch down. Easy.
By the way, it’s not “easy” to drop down from ledges, due to the game’s ponderous interface, unintuitive controls, and the need to press several buttons for actions that require one button in normal games. Anyway, let’s read Почему’s review!
Thicc robot adventures is a good game
-Simple gfx but works well with what its got
-Put your gun away to jump
-Remember where mines killed you the last time dummy
Having to turn around to drop down onto a ledge is not a con, it puts robot butt in your face.
Aeglos Lee keeps it simple.
Kim Kardashian Simulator
Tony Bamanaboni ought to be careful he doesn’t cut himself on his own edge.
The Plot is so THICC and JUICY.
10/10 Would Misoggyknee again
Meanwhile, puh keeps it classy with this little anecdote.
i came for the character
and came to the character
and now i am stuck in a water room
i came all of my brain cells out
ANCRON provides a blow-by-blow account of their experience, making the game sound terrible in the process. They really, really liked it though. I wonder why.
0:15 – Barely playing, mostly staring at Haydee.
1:09 – Died over 20 times at tutorial area, because of staring and falling off the ledges.
2:37 – Found great room, posing Haydee, taking screenshots.
3:41 – Continuing to play, walked off ledge by accident, remembered I didn’t save.
4:12 – Playing for a while now, saving and slowly exploring rooms.
5:23 – Felt hungry, went AFK for some grub to kitchen.
6:02 – Came back and had a weird urge to make a Haydee GIF.
7:24 – Uploaded them to Steam and started to play again.
7:39 – Found really dark room, couldn’t see much, went in anyway.
8:10 – Somehow found my way out of darkness.
8:40 – Found night vision visor, went back into the dark area.
8:41 – Died. Didn’t save (some radioactive swearing)
8:45 – Went for night vision visor. Then saved and explored the darkness.
9:29 – Found Gordon’s crowbar, rebreather and Magnum, hauled back to storage.
9:40 – Entered gas room, died. Forgot rebreather at storage.
9:45 – Equipped rebreather, charged into gas room.
9:46 – Noticed a sign, “no weapons allowed”, couldn’t advance so threw pistol out.
9:48 – Found 6 floors of tight corridors filled with enemies. Died many times.
9:55 – Got really annoyed that I can’t kill anything, ran away to rethink strategy.
10:08 – Picked some mines from storage. With surgical placement destroyed many enemies.
10:40 – Found some green key and went exploring other areas.
11:10 – Found a gate with 4 red keys, had one so I thought BINGO, just open all 4.
11:11 – Opened one lock, key disappeared. Many facepalms.
12.20 – Played for 12 hours, at first it was really fun. Mostly staring at Haydee the first 5 hours, horribly dying by enemies though mostly just walking off ledges while staring at Haydee, but it’s not the point. First 10-20 rooms are pretty easy to recall, but then you get few rooms with closed gates, or not functioning buttons, and you can’t remember all of them after reaching 50. So closer to 10 hours all the running and checking for all the gate and button positions, it starts to get annoying. Add constant dying in new rooms, to find a strategy or find item, manage inventory, etc. By the 12th hour my brain was a mess, all rooms messed up and I pretty much lost it, couldn’t remember where I was. At that point I was even thinking about drawing a map, but didn’t bother. Probably got burned out, it would be nice if you had some sort of legend or map of rooms you visited at least on softcore. Otherwise it’s fun platformer, with not that challenging puzzles, mostly a lot of running around, inventory management and trying to stay alive. Will have to pick it up some other time, maybe with some sort of map / guide, didn’t expect so much dying going into this one, hate that aspect very much personally.
Enjoy the game.
Mozer’s review is a bit more concise than the one we just looked at.
TheSnakeInYourBoot delivers a negative review, but does admit it could be good if certain things are fixed.
I love robots with ♥♥♥ and ♥♥♥♥♥♥s. I wanted to like this game, but Survival Horror controls and Camera do not work for platforming. Also the practice of save points does not work with a game that controls this poorly, it leads to players getting frustrated that they have to replay sections because of something that wasn’t their fault.
Improve this ♥♥♥♥ so we can have a GOOD game with fat ♥♥♥ and ♥♥♥♥♥♥s.
Finally we have Kyon who provides cons that quite adequately mirror my experience with this deliberately obscure, artificially challenging game. However, Kyon still highly recommends it based on one plus point.
-This game is hard
–Like, really hard, woah
—Like, I spent an hour in a room without knowing I didn’t have the right item
—-Because I didn’t notice a small hole in the ceiling or ledge I could jump and hang off of
-The game doesn’t tell you that you can crouch away from a ledge to lower yourself safely
-Bungling a action for any reason can screw you over big time
-Saves are far and few inbetween, leading to a lot of time wasted if you die at all
-Falling damage can eat half your health, even if it’s just barely over the threshold
-No map, so if you’re not smart like me, you’ll get disoriented a lot
-You have to navigate blindly in the darkness sometimes, which is scary as balls
+The booty too strong
The people have spoken, and Haydee is a hit!
It’s not just selling on “sex” appeal, however. People genuinely seem to love how “difficult” the game is, praising the Resident Evil style save system, abstract control scheme, and traps designed to kill you in ways you could not have expected or countered. All in a game where dying (often instantly without warning) can mean replaying vast tracts of content – often multiple times.
There also seems to be some confusion as to what “hand-holding” is and why it’s different from “basic tutorials” or “interfaces that make a lick of sense.” The promise of “no hand-holding” has become a popular buzzword that often provides a thin mask for games that just haven’t been designed very well.
From what I’ve played of it, Haydee is an amusing curiosity that’s vastly more entertaining when coupled with others’ reactions to it. It’s a great catalyst for genuinely fun content, but the game on its own? I can’t say I see the appeal, outside of the jigglingly obvious.
Nevertheless, it’s a success, and I hope people are happy with their thicc, thicc game.