The Bullshit Roundup: Battlefield 1 and Deus Ex Get Microtransactions, Watch Dogs 2 Spams Us With Special Editions

Time for more stinking bullshit, delivered to you on an unwashed platter full of sick and blood. We’re here once more to bang on about the same old crap the “AAA” industry shoves down our throat, because lordy knows few other places bother.

On today’s edition of Bullshit Roundup, we’ve got two more cases of microtransactions announced for unreleased premium games, and Ubisoft is at it again with another ludicrous selection of collector’s editions for Watch Dogs 2.

01

Enjoy World War 1 The Way It Was Meant To Be – With Microtransactions!

Despite earning plenty of customer goodwill and excitement with the most liked YouTube trailer of all timeBattlefield 1 has gotten some dismal news this past week. Electronic Arts, unable to let any bit of credibility go unsullied, has revealed the next Battlefield shall be a fee-to-pay experience, adding microtransactions on top of the $60 package.

Unlike with Overwatch, EA doesn’t even have the excuse that said microtransactions are paying for future DLC because the publisher also intends to sell map packs alongside the freemium-style content. Hooray!

CEO Andrew Wilson had an amazing slew of complete and total bollocks to vomit up as he detailed the game’s “monetization opportunities,” serving an insult to our intellects as well as our wallets.

Here’s what he had to say on the matter.

“Given that in Battlefield 1, you will see both macro monetization opportunities from us like maps and large scale content, as well as micro monetization opportunities, smaller increments of gameplay, and then over time, what you will see from us is elements of gameplay that allow gamers to engage and drive, and extend and enhance their experience, much the way people do with FIFA Ultimate Team or Madden Ultimate Team today.

“We feel very confident in our ability to deliver that in a way that is deemed valuable by our player, and drives increased engagement over time with them.”

House also trotted out some more familiar lies, claiming the monetization was all about offering “choice” to players and “enhancing and extending their experience.”

You can put a handful of shit in a lace bodystocking, Mr. House, but it’s still shit – and you ruined a perfectly good bit of lingerie in the process.

As microtransactions become more accepted by customers through sheer force of commonality, it’s interesting to see the weasely way in which executives are now describing them. The post-launch nickel-and-diming has become “value through choice” while traditional DLC is now a “macrotransaction” as if it had always stood hand-in-hand with its micro cousin.

It’s creepy when you see how the language changes. By calling DLC macrotransactions, it appears as if microtransactions are perfectly normal and have been with us forever. Because Electronic Arts has always been at war with Eurasia, and fee-to-pay games offer flexible value to loyal consumers.

02

Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Hopes To Divide You And Your Dollars

Joining Battlefield 1 in the freemium-chomping money grubbing is Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, a game in a series that has the overextension of corporations as an ironic central theme.

Mankind Divided‘s microtransactions are delivered via a new online challenge mode, Breach. Like so many other “AAA” games that want to make more money but can’t be fucked thinking of anything inventive, the latest Deus Ex will offer cards that provide various boosts and modifiers to Breach players.

Card packs will be available for purchase, because card packs are basically this industry’s paint-by-numbers way of suckering people out of extra cash.

Unsurprisingly, this news was accompanied by apologia from a spokesperson who peddled familiar dishonest assertions that, although they’re selling you something, the game makers really don’t want you to buy it!

“It’s going to be light, because we want players to be able to go through the game without spending any money,” fibbed producer Fleur Marty. “There’ll be booster packs you can buy with real money, that’ll allow you to better the odds, and some cosmetic ones too.”

As I’ve done so many times on The Jimquisition, I’ll remind you that any producer claiming they care about making sure you don’t spend money is talking total shite. Microtransactions wouldn’t be there if the company didn’t want to sell them to as many people as possible, preferably everybody.

Some publishers are better about it than others, that much is true, but each one will still try and tempt you somehow. It’ll range from minor seduction to blatant psychological hammering, but in no way should it be cool that a company is doing it in any form after selling you a $60 game.

You PAID already. It’s fucked that companies have the nerve to consistently pester you for more after that.

They don’t “want players to be able to go through the game without spending any money.” That’s not what they want at all. They want to obscure and tweak their systems just enough to be able to say they want that. They want it to technically be true, but they sure as shit are thirsty for that money, and they do try to get it from you.

You know, I’m close to offering a challenge where I’ll buy $100 worth of microtransactions for any “AAA” fee-to-pay game where a developer straight up admits, “We’re greedy and want more money, that’s why they’re there.”

I may do that in some grand enough situation.

03

Watch Dogs 2 Unveils Its Special Edition Carpet Bomb Plans

The multiple releases and exclusive pre-order deals for Watch Dogs were so utterly ridiculous we famously needed an extensive chart to work out what content could be obtained from where.

Because Ubisoft has all the restraint of a toddler with particularly uninterested parents, Watch Dogs 2 has had FIVE special editions revealed in the same week as the game’s announcement!

Some of the editions are available only from Uplay because Ubisoft still wants that total waste of everybody’s time to be a thing.

Here are the editions listed, which I’ve copied and pasted from GameSpot because I sure as shit can’t be arsed to type it all out:

  • Deluxe Edition ($69.99): The base game, plus two “Deluxe Packs” with in-game “premium” customization items for your character, weapons, vehicles, and drones.
  • Gold Edition ($99.99): The Deluxe Edition plus a Season Pass for future DLC missions and gear.
  • San Francisco Edition: The Deluxe Edition plus a Collector’s Box; a figurine of the game’s protagonist, Marcus; San Francisco-themed laptop stickers; lithographs; a San Francisco map.
  • Wrench Junior Robot Collector’s Pack (Uplay Store Exclusive): Either the standard game, the Deluxe Edition, or the Gold Edition, plus a 7.8 inch replica of an in-game robot controllable by an iPhone or Android app.
  • Return of DedSec Collector’s Box (Uplay Store Exclusive): The Gold Edition of the game plus real-world DedSec items, the Marcus figurine, Marcus’s scarf and hat, and an art book.

Naturally, there’s a pre-order bonus as well, offering players the chance to get the Zodiac Killer in-game mission with every version purchased ahead of launch.

As with the original game, it’s a confusing mess of tat that annoys me every time I look at it listed out. Total market overkill, created using a logic I’ll never understand with a normal human brain. The whole thing just looks like complete fucking anarchy to me and yet, somehow, it must work. It must make Ubisoft loads of money.

I suppose if you can just dazzle your audience so much they’ll buy anything in a disoriented haze, you may as well go for it.

I actually liked the first Watch Dogs, but fuck me if basically everything Ubisoft did around the game didn’t make me want to hate every single facet of the fucking thing.

This bullshit isn’t off to a good start with me.

Leon the Brave
Guest
Leon the Brave

Oooooooohh, grrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaat — EA just had to be tempted to do the same shit they always do.

I was thrilled for the new Battlefield 1, but NOT ANYMORE! I mean, it just renders the “CoD vs. BF” thing kinda moot now, doesn’t it? I bet everybody feels stupid afterwords for hitting that thumbs up button; I certainly did.

EA… you had one job. (>ლ)

Alex Wheatley
Guest
Alex Wheatley

Whelp, there’s two more games that won’t be on Jim’s GOTY list…

Captain Pipsqueak
Guest
Captain Pipsqueak

This is why I pirate games. That and the fact that I enjoy waving my dick in others’ faces.

Gizensha
Guest
Gizensha

…He’s… He’s using the buzzwords he’d use to sell shareholders on microtransactions and DLC as if the paying money to EA is a marketable gameplay feature. You’re… You’re not meant to use the term ‘moneterization opportunity’ to your consumer base; that’s how you sell your business model to people who you’re trying to get to invest in you, not how you convince people to buy the product you’re selling…

…Dear lord…

Gervasius
Guest
Gervasius

Like, I totally expected there to be microtransactions in Battlefield 1, but… What the F was that incredibly shady language programming he used?!

boguspeople
Guest
boguspeople

Im having an issue with Jim’s crusade on microtransactions, as he ignores how successful games tend only to increase amount of content that is already included in a 60$ pack. Which is a direct result of companies being able to charge premium from those who can afford it. Where does this entitled attitude come from? When you consider inflation, games are getting cheaper every year, while development costs are constantly increasing. 15 years ago nobody would even imagine a 60$ title could provide as much value as some do today. Remember average shooters from early 2000s, when you payed 60$… Read more »

Benj
Guest
Benj

World War 1 microtransactions. Pay 10,000 young lives to gain 3 square miles of muddy french field.

Fallen Prime
Guest
Fallen Prime

IT BEGINS.

Jason
Guest
Jason

Get 500 kills to unlock the Luger on your US characters (or pay $1 for fast unlock)!

Jim Digby
Guest
Jim Digby

Oh, look at that; my Deus Ex transaction just went from special edition pre-order to me buying it used.

Anon the mouse
Guest
Anon the mouse

You pay real money for a random “prize”, with no idea of what you are going to win. How is this different from gambling?

Other than “proper” gambling games have to show you the chance of winning each prize.

HelixShade
Guest
HelixShade

“Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Hopes To Divide You And Your Dollars”

And to think I was actually looking forwards to the Breach gameplay mode…

Dan Allen
Guest
Dan Allen

Wow, can’t wait to fight ted cruz!

Dominik Kensy
Guest
Dominik Kensy

Is that the iconic Wrench Jr. Robot I see? Amazing, nay, iconic!

Vinnie Vincent's Dead Dog
Guest
Vinnie Vincent's Dead Dog

I just can’t be bothered with the AAA game industry anymore. Micro-transactions, bullshit pre-order culture and a general feeling of complete apathy from most consumers. It’s never going to change.

SilentPony
Guest
SilentPony

What happened to us? When did we accept extra levels and character skins and bonus modes were something we had to pay for instead of just unlocking?

Do you know how hard I worked to get all the cheats in GoldenEye?! HARD!
Kids these days don’t even know the accomplishment one feels by entering a cheat code correctly, or actually unlocking something.

TheCaardvark
Guest

But are Marcus’ scarf and hat…
…ICONIC?

James Robert Thompson
Guest
James Robert Thompson

I thought I was ready to be dissapointed by Battlefield 1, it was so obvious… and yet here I am sad about the death of my interest in a World War 1 shooter…

Mike Wallace
Guest
Mike Wallace

CEO Andrew Wilson spews so much bullshit that his buzzwords hang over him in clouds.

PowerSerg
Guest

I honestly feel like triple A multiplayer is at Deaths door. Like make Free To Play games if you really want to. I can’t imagine consumers will keep putting up with this shit.

Jon Luqman
Guest
Jon Luqman

i never asked for this

KristofferMartinsen
Guest
KristofferMartinsen

I look forward to the day when this comes and bites them in the ass. Because it will and it will bite hard

goodbyejojo
Guest
goodbyejojo

whats the point in AAA 60$ games anymore? they might as well be F2P games

Seddon4494
Guest

If the allies had been able to buy terrain in increments of 1km for £1 it’d have been a much shorter war.

Even Luck
Guest
Even Luck

Fuck EA, fuck Ubisoft, fuck SE, fuck microtransactions in $60 games forever, fuck those greedy twitheads, fuck the shitheads who buy into their logic, fuck video games as a business, fuck video games in general, fuck me, as well ($20 a shag), fuck my keyboard, fuck my computer, fuck the internet,

fuck

life…….

So, who’s ready for E3 this year?

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