The Jimquisition: Nintendo’s Virtual Console Is Trash Garbage

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With Pokemon Snap finally arriving on the North American Wii U Virtual Console, it’s time to get something off my incredible tits.

Let’s talk about Nintendo’s terrible VC release structure.

(PS – Apologies for the ad. For some reason Chains of Love no longer reliably gets flagged and deadlocks the ContentID bots being deployed by Nintendo, who elected to monetize this video. I am appealing it, obviously. In future I’ll have to throw a few more deadlocks out to properly safeguard against game companies’ disrespect of fair use.)

Manx
Guest
Manx

its some female figure i’m guessing.

Manx
Guest
Manx

whats the picture in between the fox and jimquisition logo. Just Curious

Exley97
Guest
Exley97

“…wallowing like a pig in the filth of your own rose-tinted consumerism.”

I died. I’m dead. Jim Sterling slayed me. RIP, me.

MJC
Guest
MJC

“(PS – Apologies for the ad. For some reason Chains of Love no longer reliably gets flagged and deadlocks the ContentID bots being deployed by Nintendo, who elected to monetize this video. I am appealing it, obviously. In future I’ll have to throw a few more deadlocks out to properly safeguard against game companies’ disrespect of fair use.)”

On that note, I would like to take this opportunity that it’s highly likely the Switch will have a Share Button, much like PS4. Might as well call it the Content ID button instead though.

Shui Gor
Guest
Shui Gor

What with how Nintendo doesn’t want to answer supply with demand, it should come to no one’s surprise they’d shit on their Virtual Console library, too.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

It really depends on the situation with Sun & Moon they shipped 8 million units? However with the two global events they’ve done with Sun & Moon they seem to massively overestimated how many players use the online functions. Both events required players to capture a million Pokemon and both fell short got nowhere near the target.

RifleAvenger Sashiro
Guest
RifleAvenger Sashiro

I know that I always keep my 3DS offline unless I specifically want to do something online. Keeping the wireless mode on eats away the battery incredibly fast.

Nate
Guest
Nate

Also at least the original 3DS and 2DS only have wireless-G. I have my router set to N-only for many reasons and actually plug in an old router whenever I actually want to go online on the 3DS systems…

The Outsider
Guest
The Outsider

Imagine a better world, one in which Nintendo put all of its great games all the way up to and including the Gamecube available for free for Switch users. Imagine they made software available on there to teach kids how to make games similar to the older classics. Perhaps it’s the anti capitalist in me, but even in capitalist terms that would sell a fuckload of consoles.

Brian
Guest
Brian

Wait, you don’t want me to strangle you while you cum?

RedWolf
Guest
RedWolf
As much as I love Nintendo’s IPs, and as much as their games have given me so much joy over the years and helped me through some very difficult times, fuck me over a barrel does that company need to sort its shit out! I still enjoy their games, but I’m losing more and more patience with them every day, and I have only a puddle’s worth of it left. This is why I’m going to wait at least 6 months after the release of the Switch: to see if they actually properly support the fucking thing. If it turns… Read more »
Imperial soul
Guest
Imperial soul

Trust me what a year thats about the time when you get to see if a console will fail .

George
Member

That’s my policy too. I never buy a console until at least 6 months after launch.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

The thing is even with the current games the once a generation model is flawed as well. While I don’t want to see a Mario Kart or Zelda pumped out annually more than one game per console would also be nice.

Wellsy487
Guest
Wellsy487

I agree that putting only 300 of their back catalogue is stupid. I don’t think that they should put everything out in one go as having 5-10 games a week keeps people coming back to look.

However any console should have at least 60-100 to start with. I would never buy a new console day 1 because they never have enough games.

Nivmarx
Guest
Nivmarx

Bitch about Nintendo all you want, but I still think the VC is a good service. It is a good way to get games that would otherwise be forgotten. Especially you, who has complained about the bad archiving of games you should understand that. And your Emulator argument is invalid because not everyone wants to tap into a legal grey area. Could the service be better? Sure. But it’s not worth a Jimquisition.

MJC
Guest
MJC
No, the emulator argument is not invalid. I always hate it when people go “and your point that proves my entire post wrong is invalid because I said so haha!” No. You’re wrong. Emulation does a much better job of archiving games than the Virtual Console has been doing. That fact is absolutely not changed by some people choosing not to use emulators. Yeah, some people won’t use them. They’re still there. They still exist, and they’re still archiving games far better than Nintendo are. Also who the hell accidentally killed Jim by strangling him while he came and made… Read more »
Nivmarx
Guest
Nivmarx

And who made you this barking little lapdog? Did I ever say anything about being an authority? I’m giving my opinion, just like Jim. Maybe invalid argument was a poor choice of words, but I stand by what I said. Virtual Console is a good system. Calling it bad for a dumb release schedule is unjustfied and not everyone likes to use emulators, regardless of how much better you think it is.

Daniel Jensen
Guest
Daniel Jensen
The “emulator argument” is very much a YMMV. You’re right that some people really value getting something from the legitimate source (Piracy and grey-zone sites certainly are not my first choice for anything I can easily find a paid version for because fuck viruses), but a LOT of people don’t particular care, ESPECIALLY when the paid-for official version is worse. I’d also like to point out you didn’t address Jim’s main “why the fuck is the drip feeding taking so bloody long” point. I mean, I’m no fan of Pokemon Snap (because, well, I’ve never owned a console much less… Read more »
Nivmarx
Guest
Nivmarx

True, but those who don’t care also don’t care that the VC is an option at all.

And the reason I didn’t mention the Pokémon snap thing is because, as I admitted earlier, there ARE things to improve. The library is weak compared to the Wii days and it does lack some important games, including Snap.

iorek byrnison
Guest
iorek byrnison

a whole lot of people think you’re wrong

because you are

Nivmarx
Guest
Nivmarx

Wow, you really deconstructed my argument there.

Except you didn’t.

TaumpyTearrs
Guest
TaumpyTearrs

Oh Jim, you always look like a horrible sex pervert, Its part of your charm!

Cathal
Member

Jim, I hope you’re back continues to play ball from here on out. My brother has serious lumber woes and it doesn’t half torpedo a man’s mobility.
I agree with a lot of what you said in this video. Nintendo’s e-shop malarkey would drive a nun to drink. I’m not optimistic that Switch will rectify this.

MJC
Guest
MJC

I can’t wait for the Switch to come out so I can spend another $3 to upgrade from a Wii U game that I paid $3 to upgrade from a Wii game that I paid $10 for. Thanks Nintendo!!

(granted, it’s less of an ass fucking than Sony’s stance of “if you bought this PS2 Classic on PS3, fuck you, buy it again for full price on PS4”, but it’s STILL an ass fucking and I don’t like being fucked in the ass)

BAH!
Member
BAH!

At best, the Switch will merely maintain the eShop’s current form. And it’s sad that that’s the better alternative.

George
Member

Jim criticized Nintendo!!!??? I AM NOW INVALIDATED AND FILLED WITH RAGE!!!

Polishfury5000
Member

Is Pokemon Snap just a straight up emulation of the original with nothing new added? If it is, Nintendo missed a golden opportunity to implement the gamepad.

Star Fox Zero’s gimmick of forcing the game pad to be a first person perspective for aiming could fit in pretty well with Snap.

MJC
Guest
MJC

Nah. I got sick of “move the gamepad around the room to control the camera” while playing Nintendo Land. That idea can permanently fuck off now. Either get back to proper tracking like those VR headsets do, or just use the analog stick. None of this inaccurate, sloppy gyroscope crap.

Polishfury5000
Member

It just seems like one instance where gamepad aiming could be a fun option. Snap is so short, it could benefit from more gimmicks for the sake of replayability.

It’s not something that’s aged that well.

iorek byrnison
Guest
iorek byrnison

of course it is. zero reimagining with the gamepad. come on, this is *nintendo* we’re talking about

Benj
Guest
Benj

Since “Chains of Love” doesn’t seem to work with the deadlock anymore might I suggest “A Little Respect” instead since AAA companies are giving fucking 0 respect to fair use (plus it’s another Erasure song so that fits quite neatly)

DJ OakeyDoakey
Member

I think ‘Love to Hate You’ would be a better message.

Cathal
Member

Chains of Love’s value obviously transcends the base value of deadlock merits. It is about a feeling in the marrow that only particular pieces of pop music can tap into. That said, “A little Repsect” probably cuts the mustard. So to speak.

Michael Prymula
Member

I think Jim should use some music from super popular artists like Drake or Kanye.

Hiroshi_Mishima
Guest
Hiroshi_Mishima

Not gonna lie, if Jim started incorporating garbage like them in his show I might very well stop watching. It doesn’t fit Jim’s style (they’re not 80s or retro), nor does it fit in with the other sorts of things he does. Jim’s humour isn’t anywhere near as offensive as Kanye is.

Also, there was a bit in FistShark Marketing where they joked that Kanye was suing them for Dream Libel, which is likely a jab at the fact he DOES seem the sort of person to fly off the handle and sue unexpectedly.

Michael Prymula
Member

They still have some good songs, the fact that you would stop watching his show just cause of that is very narrow-minded and stupid.

Hiroshi_Mishima
Guest
Hiroshi_Mishima
Or perhaps I value my sanity, what little of it I have after dealing with everything else life throws at folks like myself. I mean, the fucking arrogance of assuming that because someone doesn’t like certain types of music is must automatically mean they’re thick and live in some sort of encapsulated bubble. I am 100% positive that at least a modest portion of us viewers would not want to put up with listening to music we can’t stand on the radio, much less having it forced into our favourite shows. I sure hope you’re not of the mind that… Read more »
Michael Prymula
Member

you’re insane already moron.

Michael Prymula
Member

Or perhaps you’re just a fucking idiot

Benj
Guest
Benj

Kanye West is the kind of bottled lunatic that might make it his own personal mission to destroy someone for a small perceived slight

…and unlike Digital Homicide he has the money to get have some success with that.

MJC
Guest
MJC

Nah, I don’t think Kanye has the money. If I remember right, Mark Zuckerburg turned down Kanye’s request for a loan.

Michael Prymula
Member

Nah that’s Trump you’re thinking of, considering Kanye just had a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago, i’m thinking he has far more important things to worry about then someone using his music in a video.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Unfortunately that plan hinges on people being forced to listen to Kanye West.

Michael Prymula
Member

As long as it’s Kanye’s earlier material(I.E. before his mother died and he went completely insane) that’s fine.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Nah just use Moment of Truth

HisDivineOrder
Member

Great Jimquisition. I’m glad your back is almost, er… back. I’ve had two surgeries myself and they were not fun at all. Here’s to more Chains of Love riffs in 2017!

Jak
Guest
Jak

I liked the Ubisoft segment.

Didn’t notice any unusual arousing and/or disgusting features of sweatiness.

But I did notice the French background music which I found spot on.
I never thought I could mention “French music” and “spot on” in the same sentence but there you go…

Raien
Guest
Raien

The “French music” is actually the theme to a classic British sitcom called “‘Allo ‘Allo”, set in Nazi-occupied France. I have to admit, I get a pretty strong kick out of Jim’s very British nostalgic references.

TJ Barke
Guest
TJ Barke

Oooh Jim, Scalebound got cancelled, I wonder if there’s some juicy shit there to be explored.

MrJechgo
Guest
MrJechgo

Well, believe it or not, one reason that was brought up is that Microsoft and Platinum Games butted heads over creative differences. This… has also happened between both Sony and Nintendo and their respective 3rd-party developpers. For instance, Nintendo and Rareware parted ways for good, because of how Shigeru Miyamoto wanted a Star Fox game instead of a new IP. This eventually converted Dinosaur Planet into Star Fox Adventures… and it was the last Rareware game on a Nintendo platform until they sold off to Microsoft.

Creative differences between eastern and western developpers would be an interesting topic.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Microsoft are also apparently deleting videos of it from their Youtube channels. Which raises the question if they will try to remove third party coverage.

Cathal
Member

Dunno what happened here, but Hideki Kamiya has preserved the heritage of arcade pulls and thrills like no other producer in his time. Repsect.

Dariush
Guest
Dariush

the game looked lame. Thats it ^^

Michael Prymula
Member

I thought it looked OK

TJ Barke
Guest
TJ Barke

Opinions are like assholes.

Dariush
Guest
Dariush

man, the dante wannabe with headphones was the asshole ^^

Drake Warnock
Guest
Drake Warnock

It’s possible it was just cancelled because the development wasn’t going well or something.

TJ Barke
Guest
TJ Barke

Maybe, but it looked like it was relatively far along.

Drake Warnock
Guest
Drake Warnock

The article I read said that the senior staff took a month off after it was shown at…E3? Whenever it was last shown.

I don’t know if that is true or not, but if it is then that would definitely point in the direction of not being worth it.

Jack Philipson
Member

Microsoft must have realised/concluded that XBONE owners don’t like Monster Hunter.

Benj
Guest
Benj

Am I right in thinking that this iss the game that went from a young girl commanding dinosaurs to generic action heroes commanding dragons because the because girls can’t ride dinosaurs… apparently.

It sounds like the latest casualty in the eternal struggle between fun ideas and AAA marketing executives.

TJ Barke
Guest
TJ Barke

There’s a story on IGN about it, but it’s short on details.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer
From the Polygon article ‘“After careful deliberation, Microsoft Studios has come to the decision to end production for Scalebound,” a Microsoft spokesperson said in a statement to Polygon. “We’re working hard to deliver an amazing lineup of games to our fans this year, including Halo Wars 2, Crackdown 3, State of Decay 2, Sea of Thieves and other great experiences.” Which through elimination suggests it wasn’t going to be an amazing experience although stating amazing experience and Sea of Thieves in the same sentence is surely a contradiction. Allegedly it has had a troubled production. We’ll likely hear more about… Read more »
Dariush
Guest
Dariush

halo wars2…thats gonna sell well…^^

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Pretty sure it was the same protagonist when the footage was first shown. Granted I might be wrong because I don’t really any real interest in it.

Mewshuji
Guest
Mewshuji
I believe Laura brought it up in an old episode of Podquisition. It was very early in development, before we even got an announcement or trailer that it was decided we’d get punk action dood instead of badass little girl as a protag. Like the initial concept was “young girl riding dinosaurs” and became “dude riding dragons with sick beats”. YMMV as to whether the direction we WERE going to get was a good one or not (I personally find the idea of young girls riding dinosaurs and causing mayhem to be both hilarious and potentially empowering for young girl… Read more »
drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

You can find an article on it if you search for Scalebound changed protagonist. However that doesn’t appear to have been a recent change and was one which occurred at the very earliest stages of development eight years ago.

Benj
Guest
Benj

I vaguely remember something about a game switching out a young girl as the protagonist to a more generic tough guy one on the basis that “the girl wouldn’t be strong enough to hold” or some other inane bullshit. I’m fairly sure that was this game.

Plus they switched from dinosaurs to dragons or dragons to dinosaurs for… some reason or other.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Pretty sure Scalebound hasn’t changed. Well until the recent change it went under when it changed to a game not being made.

What you’re describing sounds more like the few scant details we’ve learned regarding BG&E2 apart from the dragons and dinosaurs.

BAH!
Member
BAH!

You might be thinking of Zero Dawn Horizon? That features a lady-type and dinosaurs.

I don’t recall Scalebound ever doing what you describe. But then, I’ve not paid much attention to it.

drownedsummer
Guest
drownedsummer

Which follows on from TMNT being unavailable.

John
Guest
John

Speaking of Rob Liefeld, did he design Maui from Moana?

Nick Young
Member

He’s a demigod not a full human so exaggerated features shouldn’t be unexpected

Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

I know it’s against Hanlon’s razor but… I can’t help but feel that the issue stems from the publisher simply not wanting you to buy their old games.

They’d rather you spend $40-60 on a new title than $10 on a collection of old ROMs. And they’d rather give the higher ups the justification to pump out drivel than to acknowledge the fact that people like their older games more than the current ones.

By the way, “thank you” for the video intro. That was almost a jumpscare.

Nate
Guest
Nate

If Nintendo had more than one first party game per generation to tap into the nostalgia people have for the classics I’d agree with you.

Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

Well, they have Mario, Zelda and Pokemon, don’t they?

Daniel Jensen
Guest
Daniel Jensen

Exactly this. Games aren’t art, they’re PRODUCTS, and if you’re playing yesteryear’s PRODUCTS then you aren’t paying the premium for the new PRODUCTS.

Lloyd
Guest
Lloyd

If you ask me that’s like Best Buy choosing to not sell a ton of cheap junk and snacks at the checkout line because they are worried people will buy that instead of a new TV.

Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

Cheap junk doesn’t compete with TVs though. These are entirely different products with entirely different buying practices.

Lloyd
Guest
Lloyd

Which is my point, VC games aren’t competing with new full price games either.

GloatingSwine
Member
GloatingSwine

Fuck no, publishers these days love you buying their old games.

It means you’re giving them free money for a thing they made years ago and takes almost zero effort or cost to serve to you.

In Nintendo’s case they love it so much that if you want the same virtual console game on multiple platforms you have to pay their comical “upgrade fee” the grasping shits.

Appretaur
Guest
Appretaur
That would actually reassure me a lot more, given how much more logical from a business perspective that comes across to me… It introduces me to the idea that any publisher’s backlog directly takes away from what new stuff the publisher would come up with if that backlog’s contents are allowed to compete with the publisher’s frontlog, to the extent that Nintendo even having a Virtual Console is kind of a nominal liability that many publishers with retro catalogs would not even consider for themselves. Nintendo’s an outlier for even having a VC, in other words, and would probably seriously… Read more »
Artemiy
Guest
Artemiy

One possible motivation for Sony and Nintendo to implement such services is to stick it to the people who use emulators and “pirate” ROMS. “There, you filthy pirates, now you have no excuse!”

Gregory McIntyre
Guest
Gregory McIntyre

This is actually why I want a switch. I want one hacked with all the roms of the old nintendo systems. it looks like the perfect system for it.

El Gonzo
Member
El Gonzo

Yay for the RLM bit 🙂

CaitSeith
Guest
CaitSeith

I knew there weren’t enough Skeleton Warriors for this video!

Miles Saintborough
Guest
Miles Saintborough

Nintendo is too fucking controlling. They love drip feeding. When I mentioned on another site on how Nintendo is purposely selling the NES Classic a few units at a time, I got told off for making a “conspiracy theory” and that “artificial scarcity doesn’t exist”.

Daniel Jensen
Guest
Daniel Jensen

Honestly I think it’s the same logic behind pretty much every other logistics blunder the gaming industry does: better to underestimate sales than to overestimate them.

Or maybe Nintendo is literally running all the scalping.

Gregory McIntyre
Guest
Gregory McIntyre

when apple can mass produce a $3000 laptop and have multiples in every store in north america Nintendo can figure out how to mass produce a $60 console.

🌊Parasol Dimensions ☔
Guest
🌊Parasol Dimensions ☔

The amount of money they make for the console is a pittance when you compare it to the 2500 in profit Apple would make per laptop.

Gregory McIntyre
Guest
Gregory McIntyre

not the point in what I’m saying at all.

🌊Parasol Dimensions ☔
Guest
🌊Parasol Dimensions ☔

Apple can fail to sell 5/6 of them and be in the green while the cost of parts and development might demand that nintendo sell their full stock

Noam
Guest
Noam

With all the reports of Nintendos banked value I’m pretty sure they can afford to ship more than 5 NES Classics to a store. Hell they could even go double digits to 10! 10! THE MADNESS!

Miles Saintborough
Guest
Miles Saintborough

More like Nintendo is lazy and/or incompetent. Hell, we seen Jim swear off amiibos because Nintendo kept releasing specific amiibos in tiny amounts and he could never get the ones he wanted. People are gonna do that for the NES Classic if they haven’t already.

mbrandse
Guest
mbrandse
Honestly, more than incompetence or being lazy, I think the problem is that Nintendo is too stuck in being Japanese. It explains a whole lot about their practices, for instance in regards to VC or the recent classic NES. To explain; in Japan there are still a lot of game developers that firmly believe that there is simply no way that Western people could like Japanese games. In their minds, the games were made for Japanese people and therefore only Japanese people could possibly like those. It’s very possible that both Nintendo and the companies releasing their games on VC… Read more »
Miles Saintborough
Guest
Miles Saintborough

That seems pretty spot on. I’m betting that Nintendo of Japan have Nintendo of America on a tight leash on how many units are allowed to be pushed out.

Landy Alexander
Guest
Landy Alexander

Why doesn’t Jim upload the show to contentid himself, so it matches itself and gets demonetized. Or pay Gavin to write a 30 second song about fair use, and have him demonetize all uses of it.

thatdamnrat
Guest
thatdamnrat

Because then he wouldn’t get to dance to Chains of Love obviously.

Drake Warnock
Guest
Drake Warnock

I ran the idea through the comments a little while ago of content IDing yourself, but I didn’t think of having a second party do it. That would probably make it easier.

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