The Jimquisition: Regarding My Inquisitor And Vaginas

This is the last “standard” Jimquisition of 2014, as we see out the rest of the year with our annual Jimquisition Awards and Top Ten Shittiest Games. How exciting!

Before we get to all the celebratory stuff, how about a bit of satire? This week, we send up the kind of people who are furious at the mere existence of diverse romance options in BioWare’s games. For those who already asked – yes, there are actually people who think and talk like this, and it’s really quite sad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get back to pounding it…

And pounding it.

And pounding it.

And pounding it.

mrhairy
Guest
mrhairy

Lol sorry had a few to many but the sentiment is right keep up the good work Jim much love sir

mrhairy
Guest
mrhairy

I fuckin luv jim f’n Stirling
I f’n luv jim fuckin Stirling
Sonnnn
Ifuckin luv jim f’n Stirling
I f’n luv jim fuckin Stirling
Mummm

L0cke89
Guest
L0cke89
Although I really like to see a more diverse cast of characters with different sexualities, I can understand why some people describe DA:I as pandering to a certain demographic. As seen by a few talks/comments from Bioware writers, they bath in the applause they get from being inclusive. And I don’t really know why. Why do you have to make such big deal out of it? Why does one of the gay characters have to look like a total cliché just so everybody gets that he likes cock? Bioware still does not know how to write good gay characters and… Read more »
Fox
Guest
Fox
But none of the gay character in Inquisition are over the top at all. Iron Bull is bi and isn’t flamboyant in any way. Dorian has a sweet stache and is very much his own character. He completely owns that shit and his issues with his father really develop him. Also why not be proud of inclusivity? I think straight white people have been “pandered” to enough and including the rest of, ya know, everyone else isn’t really pandering. As much as it is actually representing the people who play video games. I’d happily celebrate including more people in games… Read more »
FaeQueenCory
Guest
FaeQueenCory
Kanji is gay. Period. Thus sayeth Atlus. And the Japanese version. His gayness got blurred out in the English release because NA was still DEEPLY homophobic back then. Further, in sequel games to P4, his gayness is made more and more explicit. But at the end of the day… only Americans think he’s not gay. Because that’s the picture they were given to work with. You can think he’s not a homosexual, but you’re dead wrong; because even AtlusUSA straight up told the VA that he’s gay. (Also, Naoto suffered from Patriarchal demands, eg: wanting to do a “man’s job”.… Read more »
Ffordesoon
Guest

<3

You're the best, Jimothy.

Rafael
Guest

Well, DA: I does a better job than DA:2. In fact DA:2 (and to a lesser extent ME3) are classic examples of “James Bonding” were in all characters are designed specifically to fulfill the sexual aspect of the in-game power fantasy.

Bad all around as I explain here: http://youtu.be/JnpBQS1HZcU and here- http://ralfast.wordpress.com/2013/10/25/space-for-rent-james-bonding/

yusupov
Guest
yusupov

how is t hat in any way ‘bad’?? its awesome

Rafael
Guest

Because 1) reduces the character to their sexuality, 2) it creates an atmosphere that all characters exists just to please the player’s sexual fantasy, 3) just like real people, characters are “heroes of their own story” and their sexuality belongs to them, not the player. It got lampooned in Saint’s Row 4, but I feel DA:I does a much better job at showing that whatever their gender identity, that identity belongs to the character and it is not a switch or a dial to be switched on/off by the player. If you’re going to do diversity, do it right.

Craig the Intern
Guest
Craig the Intern

Clearly “me” isn’t the person they’re making games (I misspelled that “cames”) for, for if they were, I would be enjoying a lovely next-gen Dead Space Christmas release.

Vilx-
Guest
Vilx-

The thing I don’t understand is – why are people still getting so worked up over some comments on the Internet? It’s… the fucking Internet, for Jim’s sake! The dumping grounds of all humankind’s bullshit and verbal diarrhea. You don’t get worked up over that shit, you ignore it. Huh?

Crunty
Guest
Crunty

I’m not against heterosexuals personally, but I don’t like when it’s shoved in my face – and they’ll all burn in hell for their perversion.

The PwnUltimate
Guest
The PwnUltimate
OK, I looked at people “justifying” their opposition in the YouTube comments for as long as I could without tearing my hair out, and this is what I could glean: If you include any LGBT characters or gay romance options in your ~role-playing~ game, then your only possible motive for doing so is to impress progressive game critics at the cost of your artistic vision. However, your reasons for including any heterosexual characters/romances in your video game is subject to no scrutiny whatsoever, and is assumed to be the culmination of your childhood dream of writing about a white, male,… Read more »
Craig
Guest
Craig "The Raccoon "
I had no idea there was even sex in the game yet , find myself starting over trying to wrap my head around this game and all the back story. I close the first hole and i get put in jail, second hole a elf like dude grabs my hand “in a weird way ” and we close the hole together is that the sex? …. then i wonder around this city grabbing roots and things. sticking a fat sword in some spookie looking fellows here and there. Then i get back to hunting for roots some giant map pops… Read more »
Zodas
Guest
Zodas

Are there any asexual options or characters in DA:I? I suppose it’s asking a lot to have asexual visibility in major media considering how few people self identify as asexual.

Merve
Guest

It’s possible to roleplay your Inquisitor as asexual simply by never showing any sexual interest in other characters, but I don’t think any of the NPCs specifically identify as asexual. I think it would be a cool thing to drop into a future BioWare game, though, just as a little character tidbit.

Morthasa
Guest
Morthasa

Techically scout Harding never reciprocates your flirts (much to Angry Joe’s chagrin). [At least AFAIK]

Merve
Guest

On the subject of attempting to romance Scout Harding, this Reddit thread might amuse you.

runningerror
Guest
runningerror

Jim I have to say that I’m quite shocked about this episode. There should have been a big warning sign at the start of the video. I always enjoyed the fact that your show is family friendly and the moral you teach my kids are invaluable for them on their way to adulthood but this episode. Now I have to explain to my gender neutral boy/girl what heterosexual means and why there are those sick people out there. I hope you understand my predicament and consider warning your audience when you tackle those sensitive topics.

Collette
Guest
Collette

It’s pretty sad you have to do this one again, after the erotic Mass Effect fan fiction and the serious video on the matter on top of it. But of course, far too many people will never learn. You did still make it funny time around though, so I’m certainly not complaining.

Morthasa
Guest
Morthasa

Baby steps: let’s start by hoping that THIS time we won’t need a follow-up video.

Collette
Guest
Collette

It’d mean we could be pounding it some more, but yeah… hopefully that won’t happen. My guess next week it’s gonna be about Hatred getting taken down on steam since it wouldn’t surprise me if the goofy goobers suddenly rally around said mass murder sim made by neo nazis.

Ben
Guest
Ben
I don’t particularly care if there are straight characters, bisexual characters, or gay characters. I *would* like Bioware to actually integrate sexuality into the personality of their characters and not make every romanceable character available to every player; that *does* seem like pandering, not to mention lazy dialogue recycling. Has Inquisitor progressed any on that front? (“You know, normally, I wouldn’t go for a member of the same sex who is also of a different species, five times my size, and who initiating sexual congress with would likely render me bedridden for several months, but seeing as how you’re the… Read more »
Pam
Guest

Inquisition has progressed a lot on that front. There are characters who exclusively like one gender. There are also characters who will only romance you if you are human, or elf (no dwarf specific characters as far as I know). Then there are some with more varied interests. So not every member of your party is a romantic option for every player. I also thought it was cool that there are romance options who are never a part of your party.

AvianIsTheTerm
Guest
AvianIsTheTerm

Inquisition doesn’t have every romance available to every player. In fact, almost all of them are gender-gated or race-gated in some fashion. Iron Bull is one of the exceptions to that.

Ffordesoon
Guest
Substantially. Every romanceable character in Inquisition has different preferences, and the workings of the friendship system are almost entirely opaque. You get a “Clementine will remember that” style popup in the corner of the screen that says whether or not the character approves of a given action, but there’s no visible meter dedicated to it, and there are additional and wholly invisible conditions that must be met if you want to romance certain characters. It may even be possible to romance a character you’re not best buds with, though I’m not sure about that. Oh, and there aren’t gifts. Well,… Read more »
Ben
Guest
Ben

Good to hear. Thanks for the information, all.

Some Guy
Guest
Some Guy

Clearly, you’re wrong Jim.

THE (don’t forget the THE) Iron Bull is great and a major contender for one of the best NPCs, but Sera exists and Sera is just the best.

ObserverStatus
Guest
ObserverStatus

Um, no. I’m sorry, but this rule 63 version of Beavis you call Sera isn’t as great as Iron Bull.

Some Guy
Guest
Some Guy

Hey, it’s your opinion. It’s wrong, of course, but you’re allowed to hold it.

Nobody's Fanboy
Guest
Nobody's Fanboy
For the love of all that’s holy (or unholy, if that’s your bag), that was so brilliant I need sunglasses to view it. What’s even scarier is that the line that hit home the hardest…”I’m not asking for much, am I? All I’m asking for, all I really want is to be able to have DA:I provide everything I personally want and enjoy while excluding any content that appeals to people who aren’t me!”…applies to so many facets of the geek culture blow-back as of late. The Spider-woman #1 thing, the presentation of women in games thing, the presentation of… Read more »
SilentPony
Guest
SilentPony

Are people REALLY still on this anti-gay thing? I’m not gay myself and I don’t ever read YouTube comments, so I’m not exposed to anything really, but are there people out there who still think having the option of a gay character is undermining…what, exactly? Their straight-hood? Or their gameplay?
What is it about an optional gay character that so offends people? What about women or black people? Are those offensive too? Or black haired people?
How about we just have blonde, blue-haired male protagonist. Better yet, have him speak German too!

AvianIsTheTerm
Guest
AvianIsTheTerm

Well, I haven’t seen the bile hit the mainstream media in the way it did with ME3, but there’s plenty of it in the usual places – YouTube comments declaring that BioSJW are ruining gaming etc.

FaeQueenCory
Guest
FaeQueenCory
Only problem I have ever had with the gay romance options in Bioware… Was Kaiden in ME3. Not because he was a gay option… cause… I’m a homo myself. But because of the way it was handled…. He gets hit on the head… and when you (as a Mshep) go to have the first date thing with him… he talks about all this fatalistic stuff and how it was done… made it seem like “I’m just looking for a warm body now, boobies not required”… Not to mention the primary unfortunate implication generated by him getting hit upside his head…… Read more »
Razzle Bathbone
Guest
Razzle Bathbone
I chose to believe that Shepard and Kaiden were keeping it professional before because they had to, and both were emotionally devastated by their meeting on Horizon. When they were together again, Kaiden realized it was stupid not to confess his feelings. That’s all headcanon of course. In my version, when Kaiden asked Shep if he felt the same way, Shep replied “It’s always been you, Kaiden. I was your superior officer. I couldn’t say anything. I’m sorry.” I mean seriously, when Shep walks up to Kaiden for a conversation aboard the SR-1, just look at their eyes. Look at… Read more »
notred360
Guest
notred360

Jim, you disgust me, i find myself horrified that you would support this perversion against nature! Iron-bull-sexual? how dare you! i, as a true and normal Dorian-sexual will be hard pressed to continue watching your videos if you do not renounce your ways and say you love Dorians magnificent mustache!

sincerely, Nota Realname

Jango
Guest
Jango

Glorious. Thank God for you, Jim.

bodyvamp
Guest
bodyvamp

“It’s like Skyrim! With Swords!”
Wait Skyrim didn’t have Swords? Than what was that big sharp metal thing that I was swinging around all the time? Dam those Merchant with their false Product labeling!

TheExtraGuy
Guest
TheExtraGuy

It was definitely not a sword…

….

Ok fine it was a phallus…

ZippyDSMlee
Guest

I tend to not worry about story stuff in games, I focus on mechanics and as far as I can see by not building a good quality game then tear it down into easy mode that’s the default mode as so the real game is hidden in the menu options, ya know the one place none of the mouth breathers bother looking through…. Harsh but true…..

PS:Also be nice if most level deign/layout these days was not on the rails….. or mindlessly open.

AvianIsTheTerm
Guest
AvianIsTheTerm

I’m trying to make that sentence make sense in my head, and… I just can’t.

ZippyDSMlee
Guest

Story is less of a concern than bad game mechanics and bad level design. They should make games much much better just default the games difficulty to easy.

DirgeNovak
Guest
DirgeNovak

Do you speak English?

ZippyDSMlee
Guest

Depends on level of coherency based on when/if I am awake or not. I think I do write in total gibberish half the time. But any idiot should be able to understand it without crying home to their grammar nazi parental unit.

Greg
Guest
Greg

I chose a gay romance option for both Dragon Age games. I’m not gay, but I’m not an elf wizard either, so, you know…

Are the sex scenes in Inquisitor as hilarious as in Origins?

Andy
Guest
Andy

No In fact there quite naked, no underwear in sight. I guess Bioware finally got over that Fox news debacle.

yusupov
Guest
yusupov

theres nothing remotely funny about the heterosexual ones. but its clear you think homosexuals consummating a relationship is just hilarious, so to answer your question, im quite sure youll find them just as ‘funny’.

Greg
Guest
Greg

Oh, calm the fuck down you ridiculous cartoon. I chose the gay options because I always play as a man and the characters I liked the most (Zevran and Anders) also ended up being men, and the sex scenes are funny because uncanny-valley dolls gyrating around in their underwear is funny.

Greg
Guest
Greg

After a little thought, I sort of regret “ridiculous cartoon,” because gay people as spectacle is a real thing that should not be tolerated.

Still, you assumed the absolute worst of me on basically no evidence; of course my back was up. For the record, when I replayed Origins, I went with Morrigan, and that was *also* hilarious and awful.

Crunty
Guest
Crunty

I can assure you they don’t play that song whenever sexin’ is about to occur in DA:I, and gay or straight the sex scenes in DA:O were ridiculous so I don’t believe you offended anyone who actually played it.

TheExtraGuy
Guest
TheExtraGuy

The sex scenes in dragon age were made by someone who had probably never even watched a sex scene before… the music was out of place, where the sex happened wasn’t even indoors and the animations were just awkward as hell. There is a mod on PC for better sex scenes and more than just animation fixes let me tell you 😉

Now compare that with Inquisitions sex scenes, and they were made by someone who has been binge watching some HBO shows… you don’t even need an uncensor mod! XD

Phandrax The Aged
Guest
Phandrax The Aged

Your Ironbull comment was incredibly exclusionary . What about the asexuals among us? What do they do when we’re all fondling ourselves at the thought of Ironbull’s erect phallus? I want to know that my erection isn’t at the cost of another’s exclusion; that when I cum all over my copy of Dragon Age: Inquisition those without sexual interest in another human being won’t be feeling left out.

Mylexsi
Guest
Mylexsi
I know you weren’t being serious, but I’ll give you a serious(if slightly tangential) answer regardless; I’m asexual, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I don’t really give much of a toss what romance options are in a game; how many, who they’re with, if they’re mandatory, if some kind of reward is locked behind them…Really don’t care. If it’s necessary, it’s just some boring cutscene I have to watch to finish the game or get the gear/ending/whatever that I want. It’s….basically just another side-quest. If it’s not necessary in some way, well then why would i even have… Read more »
Morthasa
Guest
Morthasa

Personally I don’t get all the outrage at the non-heterosexual options in this game. One particularly otrageous thread on the BW forums ranted about how straight males only had two options, one of which was bi, and declared that the series had severely strayed from its escellent roots in DA:O… (where straight males had two romance options, one of which bi…) ugh…

I find relationships and NPC sexuality in DA:I to be a massive step up compared to how they were handled in DA2 (an aspect of the game which I hated).

T8B
Guest
T8B

I’m curious, was there a massive shitstorm about the gay romance options in Inquisition as compared to the one for, say, Mass Effect 3? Because I wasn’t aware of a massive outcry against it (that being said, I also didn’t follow Inquisition’s development too closely).

Forgive my incredible naivety, but I was under the impression that people had just grown up about the romance options in Bioware games and learned to accept them. More fool I.

Morthasa
Guest
Morthasa

Not really a massive widespread ‘storm, just a few extremely vitriolic threads with the usual garden variety accusations:
+EA/Bioware pandering to the *insert slur of yout preference*
+Social Justice Warriors Ruining Games For Everybody! (TM)
+Too few options for straight males compared to homosexuals/variety not reflecting real life sexuality distribution/women getting pandered to
+Conspiracy theories
+Liberals
+Outrage
+Blood
+Large bowls of porridge

Corrodias
Guest
Corrodias

I do so hate when my magical fantasy games do not entirely accurately reflect real-life social demographics.

MrFrancisYorkMorgan86
Guest
MrFrancisYorkMorgan86

You just HAD to bring up the porridge again! Goddammit, my day is now going to be looking at my coffee and just frowning at it.

Swerto
Guest
Swerto

Oh, you mean the one where everyone was inexplicably bi, except the romance option that was DLC only, required you to never flirt with anyone else, and never had any actual romance scenes because he’d taken vows of chastity and wanted you to do the same so neither of you would ever fuck. Ever. LET’S MARRY THE MAKER.

FaeQueenCory
Guest
FaeQueenCory

Um… Straight male characters DEFINITELY have more than two options.
Josephine, Cassandra, and Vivian.
You can also flirt with that girl dwarf scout…. but I don’t think anything comes of it. But it might. I don’t know.

Merve
Guest

You can flirt with Vivienne, but she’ll always haughtily turn you down.

FaeQueenCory
Guest
FaeQueenCory
That’s really dumb…. especially when she was labeled as a LI very early on… Perhaps she stops turning you down after the completion of her white-wyvern heart quest. And if it’s about all them homos getting more options…. um… nope. Us gay men only have two options as well. So it can’t be that comparison because last time I checked… 2 and 2 are equal. The only player with massive options would be an elven woman… but then…. that’s 3 men and 2 woman iirc… so it’s again, 2 for the lesbians and 3 for heteros…. >_> Inquisition isn’t like… Read more »
BAH!
Guest
BAH!
Tell you what, my absolutely biggest pet peeve is when a game isn’t suited specifically to my personal tastes. I mean, do the developers not know that I don’t always like what they want to make? That must be it, because if they did, they’d make something else… something I like. But how could they not know who I am and what I like? I’m a gamer and a consumer- they must know! So it must be that they’re purposefully creating content that I find mildly uncomfortable or generally uninteresting simply to spite me. Well, they’ll soon know the wrath… Read more »