The Spin-off Doctors: Hitman (2007)

In what may be their finest outing yet, your Spin-off Doctors skewer Mr. Olyphant’s performance as Agent 47 in the ridiculous 2007 Hitman movie.

Why doesn’t the world’s best killer have an alias? How has an Interpol agent pieced together the work of a ghost? Exactly what happened to any of the forgotten characters?

Hitman 2007 isn’t just a bad movie, it’s infuriating.

Wulfsmasher
Guest
Wulfsmasher

S E K K O U M O V I E B O Y S

neil_mccauley
Guest
neil_mccauley

Plz do Uwe Boll’s Far Cry next.

OctopussGrift
Guest
OctopussGrift

Movie boyz come out and play!

Abandon Window
Guest
Abandon Window

Justified was a great show and everyone should watch it if they want to. I kind of liked this movie–especially the absurd sword fight–but you guys did a great job of outlining why it’s not a good movie.

7_13
Guest
7_13

I am quite stunned that you didn’t mention it. (or did I miss it?)
The intro consists mostly of scenes from James Cameron’s Dark Angel TV Series. Which is totally ridiculous because the children in the series have their barcodes on the neck. I had quite a laugh back then. It’s sad when movies need to steal scenes from TV Shows…

Nitrium
Guest
Nitrium

I wonder if these films would have been more fun if they were more like the games:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sIWspehf9w
Mmmaybe?

Allan Weallans
Guest
Allan Weallans

A film that’s just bad is one thing. A film that’s so bad and still leaves you wanting more is quite another. On some level I have to applaud the manipulative, abusive guile of this film for insulting me to my face repeatedly and then making me say “Aw, that’s all?” when the credits rolled.

Johnny N. Gliddy
Guest
Johnny N. Gliddy

Even as an action movie, it was boring. There were too many cliches and predictable plot points. It wasn’t helped either by the fact that it tried to shoehorn the formula most movies were following at the time.

sillyskeleton
Guest
sillyskeleton

I actually think this is one of the better videogame movies out there, as far as being an enjoyable watch. I think a lot of that had to do with the whole hero with the female companion dynamic it aped from The Bourne Identity. It also helps that I’m not a big Hitman fan, so the inaccuracy to the games doesn’t really bother me.

Shocksplicer
Guest
Shocksplicer

I would like to register my displeasure with your slanderous remarks about the ongoing career of my good friend Timothy Olyphant, or Timmy Pants as he prefers to be known. His career is far from stagnant: just last year the critically acclaimed series Justified, on which he was the lead actor and EP, wrapped its Sixth and final season. He has made appearances on Archer and The League, and has a recurring role on The Grinder.

Timmy and I expect to see your apology in the mail promptly.

ByTheSideOfWriting
Guest
ByTheSideOfWriting

Every time I hear Jim say “movie boys” I think of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mocLWLVgQk&user=adultswim

Gabe Meyer
Guest
Gabe Meyer

It took me a minute to realize that Jim and Conrad weren’t simply off their games this week; it was difficult to process how disjointed this plot was. O.o

Nitrium
Guest
Nitrium

The reboot (2015) is considerably worse imo, so you have that to look forward to. I actually quite liked this one for what it is (i.e. a pretty dumb video game action film).

PowerSerg
Guest

I love me some movie boys.

Ayon Windsor
Guest
Ayon Windsor

I am just here to say, I loved the movie for what it is. I just wish it hadn’t had the Hitman brand name on it as it simply isn’t very related to the games neither in what it shows off nor in it’s accurate representation of the games’ storyline. But I liked the film. A lot.

Miikka Mononen
Guest
Miikka Mononen

All this talk about Billy Zane makes me very excited for that eventual BloodRayne-episode and the discussion about who has the better wig – Zane or Ben Kingsley?

mrhair
Guest
mrhair

It’s obviously up to you, but I wonder if it wouldn’t make more sense to release these on Wednesday, so that you don’t have two podcasts (Fistshark and this) competing for attention.

Anyway, I can’t speak of this movie, never having seen it, but the Movie Boys are always a pleasure to listen to.

galactix100
Guest
galactix100

Even after they spent an hour explaining it I still don’t understand the plot of this film.

kimiyoribaka
Guest
kimiyoribaka

I’d like to offer a suggestion: one of you should do a background check of each movie after watching to see if there’s any explanations to be had. The reason I bring this up is because of Jim’s comment about the director suddenly waking up and making bizarre decisions. That’s actually not far from the truth. The director was fired at the last minute, and 20th century fox told them to change a bunch of things, including the origins of 47 (which is also the reason the people dressed like 47 weren’t clones). The absurd clip show at the beginning… Read more »

Robert Cisneros
Guest
Robert Cisneros

Jim the worlds best killer needs no alias, hell just kill neone who comes after him. Makes finding ur enemy’s a whole lot easier it does.

Polishfury5000
Guest
Polishfury5000

I always wonder the familiarity writers have with a game before writing a script for their movie adaptation. With this particular movie, I like to think they played up to the first time we see 47 in Contracts. There’s that delightfully cheesy scene where a guard at a run down amusement park asks who 47 is, as 47 approaches the gate. Before killing the guard, 47 spouts “Names are for friends and I have no use for either.” (Or something close to that). I feel that’s as far as they got and said “Right, he never gives names or uses… Read more »

Erich Fromm Hell
Guest

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. I love it when Conrad said, “I went back and forth on this section several times.” Piecing the delicate parts of this mush of a film together is like trying to decode the Voynich Manuscript.

Andrew Barloq
Guest
Andrew Barloq

Two words: Skip Woods. Arguably the worst blockbuster screenwriter in Hollywood, his CV is filled with notoriously awful turds. I had forgotten that he wrote this movie, but when I was watching it last night I was thinking “man, this feels like a Skip Woods movie…” He’s very much an “ideas man” who focuses on the cool things people do and the “bigger picture” elements, but unfortunately always loses the characters in the shuffle and his plotting always ends up being extremely muddied (whether that is his fault or the studio/directors/editors for chopping up his complicated scripts is up for… Read more »

Josh Griffiths
Guest
Josh Griffiths

It’s such a shame, because Timothy Olyphant is by far the most underrated actor in Hollywood. I wish he’d stop taking whatever shit he’s handed and star in some at least decent movies.

Matthew Edge
Guest
Matthew Edge

Oh this film…

I can feel just how bad it wanted to be like a Bourne film, but it just isn’t. I enjoyed watching it but it falls down in so many places. They should have kept it simpler.