The Spin-off Doctors: In The Name Of The King – A Dungeon Siege Tale

Somehow we managed to bag two Matthew Lillard movies in a row. This time around, he’s much more in his element as the evil Duke Fallow… but what is that accent?

Elsewhere, King Burt Reynolds has ninjas, Ron Perlman wants the chicken, and we make this movie sound 10,000 times more interesting than it actually is.

  • anomalous material

    Disqus is back, yay!

    I will have to give this movie another watch now, with your commentary over the top. It can only make the pain stop!

  • InfamousDS

    I had a commentary about some points yesterday, but I forgot it since the site was down. Maybe I’ll remember it in 2 weeks when I relisten on the day before the new episode. I’ll be sure to post it then for your ignoring pleasure.

  • David Masser

    saw this movie on Netflix. saw The Stath and thought might be worth a watch, then saw Uwe Boll’s name and desided against a watch. true story. now i realise its a Game Movie i might just watch it after all.

    • anomalous material

      It may come as a shock, but this movie is just as shit as every other Boll game-to-movie adaptation. 😀

      • David Masser

        i know its gonna just as Shit as the rest. its just when my Fav Movie Boys watch a Film i kinda have to watch it a well. even if its to see just how Shit the film is. 😉

        • anomalous material

          I started when they reviewed Pixels. I haven’t watched any other Spinoff Doctors since then, but I plan to. Bowl of popcorn. Beer. Shit movies. Our boys making them watchable!

          • David Masser

            i have been listening since the first. there is only a few of the films i havent been able to watch yet. i will eventually though. the lads make anything watchable.

  • Andrew Barloq

    Alien Resurrection was trash, but Ron Perlman was definitely the best part. 2 weeks ago I said that one of my friends had seen this movie and told me that it was actually pretty good. Well as soon as this movie was done, I texted them and told them that they had some explaining to do…

    The movie was hilarious for about the first hour, but oh my God does it ever become a slog. It’s not even in Uwe Boll’s top 5 worst movies either, which just makes it even more painful somehow.

    • drownedsummer

      Should we be worried for Ron Perlman? Very sad pattern from both January and February.

      • Andrew Barloq

        Did an actor in one of these movies die in January and then February? I’m not sure what you mean, but don’t take Ron Perlman from us…

        • drownedsummer

          No Alien & Aliens. John Hurt in January & Bill Paxton in February.

          • Andrew Barloq

            Oh geez, good point. However, Ron Perlman doesn’t die in Alien: Resurrection so he might actually be safe, even if Sigourney Weaver or Charles Dance die this month (or if we find out that Michael Beihn died at the start of the month in an ignoble fashion and no one actually noticed).

          • drownedsummer

            That their characters die in those films didn’t occur to me.

      • Lies That Bind

        Fuck you 2017!

    • Nitrium

      I’d go as far to say it’s in Boll’s top 5 “BEST” movies…

  • AdrastusDarke

    Lots of kings fought and even died in battle. King Richard the 3rd and King Harold Godwinson of England are both good examples but there are plenty of others.

    • George

      Also, So did Pope Julius II and Fu Hao, they didn’t die in battle but did lead troops.

  • Muddy Scarecrow

    King Burt Reynolds?! I swear to Christ I always thought that was Sean Connery. Even when you had his picture up for this episode. I was wondering why he looked so weird!

  • Spurious K

    Could we maybe get those .gifs added to the posting here for the sake of posterity? The world needs to see!
    Ok maybe not ‘needs’ but it’d be neat.

  • George

    I commented on Facebook. But I just want to say thanks Jim and Conrad for such a funny episode.

    I “didn’t hate” this movie. It’s not as bad a Wing Commander…Although that doesn’t say much. haha

    That said, Jason Stathom has a hairy chest…therefore the movie gets a point.

  • drownedsummer

    I think instead Conrad just watch the Ralph Bakshi LOTR film.

  • Muddy Scarecrow

    Hold on, you got shit for giving a game a seven because it was too GOOD of a score?! Oh hindsight how much of a callous bitch you are.

    • InfamousDS

      The best part is they recorded this before the review went live. Jim had no idea he was predicting his own future. Like Terminator, except less apocalypse and more robots.

      • Wellsy487

        I think he knew what was coming when he posted the review. I read the review and agreed, but I kept swayback from the comments and the shitstorm it became.

  • I will give you some IMDB FACTS:

    1) Kevin Smith and Juliette Lewis were filming Las vueltas de la vida (2006) on an adjoining set, and came to visit this set. BURT REYNOLDS SAW THEM STEAL TWO BOXES OF KRISPY KREME DONUTS.

    Fuck, there is no need for more facts. Kevin Smith and Juliette Lewis stole the krispy kreme donuts!

  • Orkimedes

    on the topic of “kings wouldn’t lead an army”

    Kings leading armies wasn’t just common, it was the norm throughout the middle ages and remained common well into the 16th and 17th and even 18th century (e.g. gustav adolphus of sweden, various federicks of prussia, peter the great of russia). It wasn’t exactly unheard of in the 19th century either (Napoleon) although it had fallen out of favour by that time, as armies had become -and would become- (much) larger so commanding all of it was typically no longer done from anywhere near the front.

    • ConradZimmerman

      In the event it wasn’t clear, I’m aware that they did this. I’ve just always though it was poor strategy.

  • Terriosaurus Hex

    Oh dear, I think I’ve seen all of the crow films including that one on late night TV at some point. Not much pride in that life achievement.
    Edward Furlong was also the main kid protagonist in American History X btw.
    And don’t forget, Bruce Willis recorded an album too; the return of Bruno *snigger*…I dare anybody to listen to the whole thing in one sitting. *Chortle*

    Echo and the bunnymen make a good cover of people are strange. And it’s a fun little tune to play on guitar.
    Wait, what’s dungeon siege? Nevermind, it sounds crap anyway. :p

  • Otherhand

    I’ve been waiting for you to do this one. I watched this last year while staying with a friend (we have a thing in common where we’ll watch any old shit with Statham in it, and there’s a rich seam of that). We laughed so much. Like most films that are so mind-bogglingly awful that you can enjoy them with friends, it doesn’t quite stand up as a comedy (too long, as you said, and the laughs flag considerably later in the film) but with the right company it’s easily as much fun as The Room or Samurai Cop.

  • Jack

    Tells you everything you need to know about the Movie Boys when they bring up Lord of the Rings, one of the most acclaimed movie trilogies of all time and a modern classic. Conrad refuses to watch it, and Jim sums up it’s good points by saying “the guy from Chucky was good in it”.

    • ConradZimmerman

      Yeah, I simply see no reward in it. No matter how many times people tell me, “oh, the movie is way better than the books because it doesn’t make you spend five pages reading Tolkien’s description of a tree,” it’s not going to make me want to watch it any more than I already do. I’m familiar with the story and it doesn’t interest me.

      Love Peter Jackson, though. I’ve seen almost all of his other stuff.

      • sillyskeleton

        I’d consider ‘Bad Taste’ the more essential cinematic experience, myself. That was Jackson’s true masterpiece. I do hope both you and Jim have seen it.

        • Seen it, though I consider Braindead to be his true crown jewel.

          • Jabberlove

            It’s called “Dead Alive” (pronounciation: [aw-TOM-uh-tuh]) you elegant Enlish ex-pat.

          • ConradZimmerman

            But Meet the Feebles, guys.

            Meet the Feebles.

      • Wellsy487

        I’d say if you don the enjoy fantasy then you’ve made the right call. I love the books and films, but if it isn’t your cup of tea then don’t put yourself through it. The Hobbit is dreadful though.

  • I actually somewhat like to rewatch this from time to time. It’s actually Boll’s only watchable movie. I can’t stand any other of his movies, but this one has quite some trash charme. I really like the cast.

    And – if you understand German – do yourself a favour and watch the movie a second time with Boll’s audio commentary! I guarantee you, you will shit bricks of laughter 😉

    That movie also got some sequels that are truly awful.

  • Wellsy487

    I’ve seen this on the tv before but always thought: “na this looks shit”. Right call

  • Polishfury5000

    The first Dungeon Siege is the only one I played, but really had a good time.

    You can probably find it on GoG, and I heartily recommend it for fans of Diablo/Balder’s Gate style RPGs. Simple to play, fantastic soundtrack, simple leveling system that allowed unique specs, and tons of other neat little things too.

    I always loved how at the start you could just pick up farm tools or broken chair legs to defend yourself on your farm. And how health/Mana potions had specific amount out points in each, and drinking one didn’t completely empty it if you didn’t need more health back. You could just sip and top yourself off. Always thought that was cool.

  • Jon Wilson

    The first Dungeon Siege is great! Wish you guys would try harder to research (either play the game or watch a Let’s Play or highlights or something) and prepare to draw comparisons with the game since that’s kind of what this podcast is supposed to be. That these movies are based on games is why we’re even talking about them. Shame that Conrad hates all fantasy (without witnessing its best examples) but that’s the thing about taste I suppose.

    • ConradZimmerman

      It didn’t always used to be this way. I devoured fantasy films and literature as a child. In my late teens, however, I grew disenchanted, and I blame a lot of that on Lord of the Rings. Not my reading of it, which I acknowledge I didn’t much enjoy, but it was so influential that everything fantasy started to feel more or less the same the more I consumed.

      There’s great stuff out there. Redwall is a great series with cross-generational appeal. I love Discworld (in no small part because it parodies the tropes so well while still being inventive) and I adore other material that you might classify as “fantasy” in a general sense. But I’m pretty much done with high/medieval fantasy.

      • If Discworld is still your thing, you might want to give the “Thraxas” book series a try. Pretty much like the Sam Vimes books of Pratchett.

  • Hi. Just wanted to thank you both Conrad and Jim. It’s nice that you took the time to record a podcast when some people were throwing tantrums about one review score. It’s great to have something to listen to while walking the dog and travelling to work in the morning. Just shows that no matter what happens, some content creators are reliable and really care about getting the stuff out to listener.

  • Jabberlove

    Jim, I just wanted to point out that you say the word “automatons” with the correct pronunciation in this episode at 29:40. Since “automata” is just the fancier plural of “automaton” all you need to do when saying “Nier: Automata” is pronounce “automaton” but replace the word “on” at the end with the word “uh.” Nier is all about the warped emergent humanity of machines and androids, A.K.A. automata. You really shouldn’t pronounce it like the word “automatic.” It does a disservice to you by making you sound ignorant of the fact that it’s just the plural of automaton and possibly ignorant about the game itself.

    I feeel waaaaaaay better than I did before I wrote that.

  • Anton Caligari

    Tried looking into why so many decent actors appeared in this, apart from an article from ‘Reelbad’ i couldn’t find anything so i assume that either Boll threw enough money at them that they couldn’t say no or he has photos…

  • Nitrium

    Excellent episode. Didn’t know there was a Director’s Cut of this film. Now I’m morbidly curious to know if it fixes at least some of the key problems you had with the movie (e.g. that character’s are introduced without sufficient explanation, rapid scene changes etc). Since I watched it in 2008, I barely remember it. Now I might just have to give this DC a watch some point soon.

    • Christoph Brinkmann

      “Now I’m morbidly curious to know if it fixes at least some of the key problems you had with the movie”

      It’s Uwe Boll. That more than answers the question. Trying to find any good in a Uwe Boll film is like trying to find the clean end of a turd.

      • anomalous material

        I think the term to be applied here is “fuxes”, rather than “fixes”.
        I haven’t watched the Director’s cut, but I have seen the shorter one (not on a dare, and relatively sober too, so help me!). There is nothing Boll could have done besides remove himself from the film in order to improve it.

  • Nemesis_Hunter

    This movie would’ve been better had it been 2 hours of Matthew Lillard eating that chicken leg

  • Nitrium

    I remember the biggest deal (i.e. hype) about Dungeon Siege was the game engine itself, which allowed contiguous seamless loading of the level so you could have massive levels with zero loading screens. Strangely it’s a technology that hasn’t really caught on all that much even to this day, other than in CryEngine and GameBryo, afaik (i.e. most current games still have loading screens).

    Haven’t seen Brainscan, but will be watching it for sure.

    • InfamousDS

      FFXV was seamless with the exception of Fast Travel and a change in continent. NMS was also seamless as long as you didn’t leave the current galaxy, though admittedly the “warp drive” was probably just a player-controlled loading screen. It’s slowly getting to be more common.

  • Nitrium

    Holy shit, there is a true horror episode coming to this podcast.
    Beyond the Call to Duty: http://www(DOT)imdb(DOT)com/title/tt2351392/
    2.0/10 on imdb: I think that’s lower than ANY Uwe Boll. This one will rival Pixels.

  • anomalous material

    The Last Starfighter will be a great Spin-off Doctors episode. Can’t wait!

    • InfamousDS

      Uh… “The Last Starfighter” has already been an episode. Methinks you got the names mixed up, or Tori Amos changed history with all her shenanigans in 1992.

      • anomalous material

        Hah! It has too. I’ve been playing these in a random order and completely forgot to check. Going to that one now. Face colour = red!