Tonight In Overwatch Loot Boxes

I’ve already explained why I think Overwatch‘s loot system is absolutely terrible. You’re welcome to agree or disagree (and many of you have been very vocal either way) but there’s one thing that cannot be denied, one universal truth that you must acknowledge.

I have the shittest fucking luck with these wretched things.

The header image is a collection of wet garbage that I obtained last week, but tonight was simply incredible. Three loot boxes painstakingly unlocked through play – three piles of complete toss.

o1

So this was the first disappointment of the night. There’s a reason I call Overwatch‘s cuboid extinguishers of hope Spray Boxes, and you’re looking at it.

Just let your eyes drink in this worthless filth. Three sprays and a stupid profile logo that does absolutely fuck-all. They’re not even good sprays, either. They look like shit.

This is probably the worst Loot Box anybody’s ever had.

Still, there’s always next time, huh? It could take an hour if things go bad, but it’ll surely be worth it.

o2

NOPE!

Not a skin in sight, but it makes up for that with another useless fucking icon for my stupid fucking profile and TWO voice lines. Imagine if someone had paid for this box. Paid for a jpeg and a couple of mp3s.

Oh, and currency. A tiny amount of currency that shouldn’t even be in these stupid trash baskets.

It was at this point that I decided I’d write an overly dramatic article about the evening’s unlocks if the next Loot Box sucked.

o3

Oh huh, the next Loot Box sucked!

At the VERY least we got a skin out of the bargain, though I hesitate to call the more common low-effort recolors “skins” of any sort.

Also it’s for Widowmaker, a character I never play.

BUT HEY AT LEAST I’VE GOT TWO NEW SPRAYS SORRY I MEAN ONE NEW SPRAY BECAUSE I GOT A DUPLICATE!

AT LEAST I GOT FIVE COINS FROM THE DUPLICATE HA HA WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE ONE DAY!

If you think I’m flying off the handle just because I got three worthless unlocks in a row, please bear in mind that this is what nearly ALL of the shitting things have looked like for me since I started playing.

I’m level 33 now. That’s 33 rolls of the dice, and so far I’ve managed to uncover one single “legendary” skin for D.Va.

Beyond that, I’ve got a handful of the palette swap skins – and I mean a laughably small amount- with the rest being sprays and voice lines. Mostly sprays, because these are Spray Boxes.

Even if I was inclined to purchase microtransactions for premium games, I’d never consider doing it for this game. Not with such clumps of complete and utter wank being tossed before me like a fistful of severed dicks.

Anyway, that mildly annoyed me tonight.

SilentPony
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SilentPony

Hey Jim, I’m thinking of grabbing a bottle of Gentleman Jack for games night. What do you guys usually drink on DND night?

Magmafrost13 .
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Magmafrost13 .

I don’t understand this idea of making people chose from a set list of avatars and sprays. Just let people use their own (well, they very rarely own the image, but you know what I mean) images. Sure people will occasionally use porn, but as we can see from existing games and services, it doesn’t happen so dramatically often as to warrant legitimate concern.

nicethugbert
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nicethugbert
Reminds me of Mass Effect 3 MP. I swore off Bioware games after that. But, to be fair, the loot crates in ME 3 MP did not reward cosmetics. They rewarded game play items. Warframe does the same crap. Never again. Smite has the same business model as Overwatch and I just don’t play the loot box scam. I play the game and ignore that crap. I have a healthy “relationship” to Smite. I play a match or three every couple of days, maybe double that some weekends and that’s great. No obsessions. It’s healthier that way.
Elbows for Knees
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Elbows for Knees

You see, loot boxes are better than paid cosmetic dlc because that way you can sell people shit they literally don’t want. Soon Blizzard will start selling the games themselves in loot boxes. You’ll go to try to buy Diablo 4 or whatever the fuck and you’ll just end up with 3 copies of Blackthorne and a broken Lost Vikings cart.

Steven Thomas
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Steven Thomas

At this point I can’t tell whether you’re playing the game for the game, or to get loot boxes when you clearly have a dislike for them.

Dan Squire
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Dan Squire

The ONLY complaint I genuinely have about the loot boxes are those bullshit amounts of currency you get for duplicates. Its just laughably inexcusable. There’s no reason to be that stingy, even IF you’re trying to get people to buy boxes.

Abdeel Morales López
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Abdeel Morales López

y u so mad 🙁

Rob
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Rob

I think that there are a lot of epic skins that look cooler than the legendary skins. The epic skins stick to the original aesthetic but make it different in a cool way without making it a new model. Also banana is Winston’s best skin.

Jakub Nytko
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Jakub Nytko

Jim, how would you improve loot boxes? I have been following this drama ever since Overwatch launched and personally am somewhere in the middle on subject of microtransactions. Do you think guarantee loot like at least 1 skin of random quality, 1 spray, 1 voice line etc. would help? I can see the problem you are showing, it is troubling even for me who doesn’t care about cosmetics.

Liara Ashlynn Jennings
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Liara Ashlynn Jennings

Ah, probability. Thou art a fickle fucking bitch. It’d maybe be a bit better if they noticed when you get shit drops and upped your chances to get something actually worth a damn, but. It’s still really fucking shit.

Ryuuken
Guest

Level 26 or 27 and finally got my second legendary.
My best box was three rares and an epic.
Epic currency, Rare emote or pose, Rare voice and Duplicate rare icon.
Friend of mine got a Legendary and three Rares.

I think a little currency per level or at level milestones would be cool; or a little currency guaranteed per box; or maybe even currency for a first win, and that’s it?

sillyskeleton
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sillyskeleton

At least D.Va has cool legendary skins. My snow gear Zarya is so lame…
I’ll give the game this one little compliment, though: The best sprays (‘cute’ and ‘pixel’) are really fun to unlock through the achievement system.

Gary Walaszewski
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Gary Walaszewski
I’ve had similar bad luck, though I got lucky and got an ‘epic’ skin for Mercy, my main support hero and main hero overall. That got me pretty happy, all things considered. Look at the bright side, maybe the next level you’ll get a few hundred coins and can drop a thou on a legendary skin you’re actually after? Only one I’ve gotten was for Pharah and while that motivated me to play as her (which turned out to be a blast) I’d actually rather trade down for say, the Anubis costume. I do think this system doesn’t hurt my… Read more »
Jamesworkshop
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Jamesworkshop

only skin that matters

getting duplicates in a system with over 1000 unlocks is ridiculous, feels bad man.

Sperium3000
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Sperium3000

See, the problem is you have such a low opinion of anything that is not a legendary skin. Sure sprays aren’t as cool as skins, but I don’t see why you’d say they’re completely worthless. Also profile images are cool. I got this six-arm cowboy one that’s super sick.

Slumberjack
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Slumberjack

…I kinda like that banana spray…and that twisted smiley face one…I wish I had those…

Even Luck
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Even Luck

Jeez, how much more worthless can these forced microtransactions get?

kripto sporidium
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kripto sporidium

Might be because I’m a fighting game person, but I actually like the recolors. hell, there’s some characters who I honestly think look better with recolors with any of their supposed legendaries (I love you, Soldier 76, but christ are your legendaries all garbage)

Roler42
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Roler42

Remember when skins used to be sold as little DLC add-on and not this worthless gamble?

ʟυᴄαѕ⁰⁴⁵¹
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ʟυᴄαѕ⁰⁴⁵¹
I’m level 34, and I’ve opened one legendary skin + 300 gold or so. At that rate, I’d need to reach level 2000 or something to get all the legendary skins. I don’t even want them all, but it’s just completely ridiculous. I really love Overwatch as a game, but the loot crate system is a complete mess. People have been comparing it to Hearthstone, but that game is free to play and all the cards you get can be used for something, even if it’s just for a bad joke deck. What are you even gonna do with a… Read more »
Michael Gram
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Michael Gram

It’s because you’re an atheist and don’t pray to RNGesus :p Seriously though, you’ve gotten a disproportionate amount of junk compared to me (my level’s a bit higher than yours and I’ve gotten 4 Legendary skins and 3 Epics) and that’s not fair.

At least they think this system can let them keep new maps and heroes free. If that turns out to be true in practice I won’t be too motivated to complain.

Andrew Butt
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Andrew Butt

Wow :S That is shit luck. I’m only level 20 and I’ve gotten 3 or 4 legendary skins now, though not for any of the characters I play; still better then all those sprays… I hope your luck improves somewhat, and at least the game is usually really fun 🙂

Batnut1992
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Batnut1992

Ah jeez, I’m picking up the game next week and gotta say, this aspect I am definitely not looking forward to, least everything else is ship shape right?

MrCas222
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MrCas222

there needs to be a small gold reward for playing games or a hearthstone
quest system

Kelerak
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Kelerak

I wonder if there’ll be someone in the comments who will blame it on you playing on the PS4.

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