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  • Writer's pictureJames Stephanie Sterling

Metabombed: Mass Effect: Andromeda Is ‘Unbelievably Sad’

The review teardown of Mass Effect: Andromeda was something of a slow burn – while we can normally post a Metabomb article within a day or two of the game’s release, it took some time for the grudge against BioWare’s latest to push back those defending it.

I’m not exactly sure when the scales finally tipped, but as the humble historian who catalogues such things, it is my duty to inform you that Andromeda has been Metabombed!

Yeah, it’s ages since the game came out, but sod it. Let’s do what we usually do anyway. It’s content, right?

Andromeda has of course enjoyed mixed reviews from critics and fans alike, launching in a clearly unfinished state and garnering further criticism for its lacklustre characters and inability to infuse the Mass Effect universe with new life as hoped. More to the point, it’s a BioWare game, and we all know that’s enough to set some people off.

The game scored a middling 5/10 from yours truly, which is somewhat in line with the results of the continued Metabombing – the game holds a user review scores average of 4.9 on PC, 4.8 on PS4, and 4.8 on Xbox One.

As always, I’ve plunged my peepers into the user reviews to see what people had to say, emerging with juicy (completely unedited) comments from the best and brightest among the review aggregate’s community!

Just yesterday, Labanfls had to comment on the game’s most significant flaw.

The lack of Garrus is repulsive (4/10)

Hopping into the “most helpful” section, and here’s StarScream2092 with a lesson for us all.

Andromeda is another reminder why not to pre-order games. Honestly anybody who thought that this can live up to the trilogy was instane. People should stop defending this game because it have great combat and above average graphics. 1. Writing is childish, like really boring. Here and there it made you smile but it was far less than in trilogy. 2. Story is just a place holder, nothing epic. Feels like they wanted it to be just average. 3. Animations, are are a HUGE disaster. If EA will be happy with sales of Andromeda they will create another mess like this and sell it. So be prepared. They treat it like any another company, -make the game at lowest cost possible, sell as AAA game. Witcher 3 is an exception. (2/10)

EventualHorizon is a heck of a username, and here’s some words they had to say about that videogame thing.

Total trash. Nevermind any of the other complaints. The god-awful characters/dialogue/storyline make this a worthless game. There is zero plot tension to pull you through the game because every plot device is simply present to give you a bunch of uninteresting objectives (picking ‘military or scientific’ outposts to drop on planets) etc… Completely lacking any time of literary devices that could be used to actually make the characters feel like they are individuals. Off-key voice acting delivering already cringeworthy lines makes things even worse. I mean, after you get confronted by a hostile alien commander of some sort who tries to capture your ship, all your character can muster is “I wonder who THAT guy was?”. Awful awful awful, DO NOT BUY THIS. Just another **** contrived open-world game. (0/10)

It wouldn’t be a BioWare discussion without someone dropping everybody’s favorite three-letter abbreviation. Fortunately, Jmaconpc has us covered.

Here’s some words to describe this game: -G rated -Family friendly -Fetch quests -Awkward -Cringey -Unfinished -Lazy I have never cringed so hard and so regularly through a game. Finished the game hoping every hour that it would get better. It doesn’t. I spent more time watching my ship take off and land than I did playing the game. The animations are laughable, facial expressions, zig zag running, clipping, even crossed arms are broken. The combat feels good but it is repetitive so you have to change it up a lot. The enemies are all the same and very easy. The dialogue options are fallout 4 level bad and decisions mean nothing. I bought this game because I read some positive reviews, it appears that those positive reviews were paid or are SJWs or something.. (4/10)

Vertuxus is taking no prisoners.

It is not Mass effect, it sims in the space with scan simulator. The developers just spit in the face of gamers, close this office and dismiss the staff (0/10)

An interesting thing I’m learning from these reviews is that Dragon Age: Inquisition was bad. I thought people liked that one. It’s hard to keep track of which BioWare games have upset everybody these days. Anyway, here’s Comrade_007.

It`s not Mass Effect. it`s Dragon Age Inquisition: Space Edition. And this game is so bad that I almost cried. I’ve been waiting for 5 years to play this piece of sh**. Unbelievably sad. (0/10)

I don’t think Gordonox liked Mass Effect: Andromeda.

This game is a big **** thanks EA for ruining my fav game series. **** you. . ………………………………… (0/10)

Folks like dalr just keep hammering on that “Inquisition In Space” idea.

Dragon Age Inquisition in space: -boring -repetitive -ugly characters -bad animations -fetch quests -MMO style world -awkward writing What the hell happened with BioWare… (1/10)

Credit to Merostin, they tried with that opening line. Not very hard, but they tried.

This deserves no Mass Affection. I keep it short: ME1, ME2, ME3 are about story, characters, species and relations between the latter two. ME Andromeda tries to be the same, but it also includes new gameplay layers due to its focus on an outdated openworld concept. The result: It fails at both ME’s core elements (see above) and at being a great openworld game. Sad, but true. (4/10)

CognizantAngel can be proud of the fact they’re written one of my favorite featured reviews.

This Piece of Crap, that somehow dares to wear off the name of an iconic Mass Effect franchise, falls flat in its’ every aspect, especially the RPG elements, which are the main elements of any ME game. You won’t find ANYTHING in this potboiler, unless you’re an infant fool. Even the Combat System is bad compared to one features in ME3, which is pretty ironic. DON’T BUY THIS CRAP. STOP FUNDING EA AND BIOWARE MONTREAL. (1/10)

To be honest I could read people complaining about Dragon Age and Mass Effect all day. Not that I have a particular dog in the fight… or maybe that’s the reason. Anyway, time for Allmass!

Bioware is dead, time to admit it. All last members of senior creative staff left early 2016, and this abortion of a game was made by interns and students. – zero creativity and reused story concepts: remnants/protheans studied by Liara/PB, badass krogan Wrex/Drack, evil antagonist Saren/Archon, generic evil cannon fodder geth/kett and so on – writing looks like it was done by 15 year old fangirl, and is downright retarded in some places – mindnumblingly boring and repetitive open world activities look like they were ripped from generic ubisoft game – do I even need to beat a dead horse of horrible facial animations and Sara’s atrocious face? Holy **** I honestly feel bad for Jayde Rossi EA just decided to cash in on diehard fans of a dead franchise before the end of 2016 fiscal year and call it a day. Bioware will be dissolved shortly after they push couple of crappy DLCs for this monstrosity. Fifth fleet out. (1/10)

BPoole continues a familiar tale.

Dragon Age: Inquisition 2.0, now with space travel! Such bad animations Really poor dialog Lots of fetch quests, without meaningful choices & consequences. AI gets in the way. How did AI get this bad? Only good thing from the game is the feel of the combat. (1/10)

ul876will is drinking deep from the anti-SJW well, which I always find uniquely amusing whenever it comes to self-professed fans of Mass Effect. 

Reasons to buy – It’s called Mass Effect Reasons NOT to – It is boring – The story is cheesy – The animations are a joke – The graphics were downgraded – The characters,specially the women,are horrible – It was made by SJWs Now,if you still want to buy it,it will be your problem. I did my part to advertise you. (1/10)

I was worried about how bad this game was, but according to Oersted the damage is pretty proportionate.

EA, Mass Effect: Andromeda is a catastrophe of proportionate levels. For our hard earned money we earned you owe us FREE DLCS for 2 YEARS for this game have Bioware make up for this catastrophic game that was supposed to be AAA. Also P2P needs to be removed from MP on PC and replaced with dedicated servers PLEASE. I won’t be buying anymore Bioware/EA games until I see this game’s animations patched to be fixed and FREE dlcs. (1/10)

Not sure if I’m more stricken by Ober’s belief in “forced diversity” or the serious crime of LORE RAPE.

Where do I begin, between the cringe worthy dialogue, crappy main story/villain, forced diversity bs, glitches, lore rape, ugly character design your characters look and feel like they are consistently suffering from Vietnam flashbacks with blank faces and thousand yard stares boring side quests that feel like chores There are good things about this game but none of them, let me repeat, NONE OF THEM, make up for it, get it on sale at mcdonalds dollar menu prices if you want to buy it, otherwise it’s not worth the money. (4/10)

Oh be nice, MarcusAgrippa77, Greg Tito loved that one!

Bioware has made some of the best games ever,however this is not one of them. Animations,story and voice acting are all terrible. Even Dragon Age 2 is better than this. (0/10)

Brubble’s name sounds like how I imagine they sound when they’re angry.

5 YEARS? It took 5YEARS to throw this POS together?! Really? ….really? 5 years. This is what happens when you farm out to sweat shop teams. This is what happens when Bioware hires based on ethnicity (so they can pat themselves on the back for their diversity) instead of actual talent. This is what happens when your focus is more on the trans/lgbt/alien sex than the important aspects of the game. This is what happens when you give the writing to some college undergrads. This is what happens when EA gets their little rat claws too deeply involved. I could go on and on but you get the point, Its garbage. THIS is what happens. (1/10)

Hahaha, I honestly wasn’t expecting this kind of premium salt, but here’s Navinor with hahahahahaha…

What enrages me most is the fact the game is trying to teach me about political correctness. The characters are slapping me their feminist and SJW ideology right in my face. Dear Bioware (well we all know you are not Bioware anymore…) please, PLEASE stop trying to teach me stupid political agendas through your games. The only thing you are achieving is fueling my fury. And you do not wand that. Because nothing enrages me more, when my beloved universe is occupied by SJWs and feminists. My only reaction to this is making shure your game will turn to ash. And i will gladly work on it. + Bad animations Bad dialog Bad writing Bad dialog wheel MP uses p2p instead of dedicated servers. (1/10)

Everybody shut up, because D34THGR1PS has taken to the stage!

I don’t understand the love here. I think this game is solid **** – Cringeworthy Joss Whedon-style writing. – Voice acting is utter garbage. – Offline MMO scanning fun for whole family. – They managed to **** up their own lore. – Plot holes and illogical void bigger than the game’s budget. – Liberal twitter blogger’s wet dream. SJW cuck agenda everywhere. – Bioware fixing “offensive” transgender npc dialogue lines instead of actual game. – Fixing animation problems weeks after the realease instead of making game solid in the first place and charging it full price for players to beta test it. + You can actually save your time and money by not buying this garbage. (2/10)

Spandex gives us a detailed breakdown. Emphasis on the word “breakdown.”

Anybody who gives to this game more than 6 are idiots. Sorry, but this is true. This game suck balls. Original trilogy was an amazing game with epic story, breathtaking dialogs and excelent characters. Congrats BioWare Montreal. U re **** up the biggest legacy of old BioWare team. There are no words to count how much things this game ruined. My soul is first one. Dialogs in this game are boring and stupid. You don’t give a **** about the charactes, there are boring and not intresting. Story is ridiculous. 12-13 hours of story. Is this an action-rpg game? Really? No, of course it’s not. Side quests are monotonous. I hate this game. This is not Mass Effect. This is mistake! 1/10. Good bye. (1/10)

Xtolp demonstrating the root of those classic “paid off” review accusations. They literally cannot comprehend of disagreement, hence the critics are on the take.

An insult to the original series. It is just a cash grab. And why does this thing even have any positive reviews. I can understand why the “critics” are mostly positive ($$$$), but I don’t get why the user reviews (the important ones) have ANY positive feedback. (2/10)

I disagree with Freestate2nd. I wouldn’t even say BioWare bothered with the silk on this one.

A total disaster. Poorly optimization, plenty of bugs. A bland story without soul, stupid characters, technical flaws in the animations that destroy emotional involvement with them and changes in combat that make them simpler than the previous ones. A turd covered with silk. A loss of money and time. (0/10)

I can’t handle anymore, so we’ll end with someone whose username echoes what I said when I read some of their review. Here’s OfCourse!

Continuation of a downward spiral of BioWare. Worst Mass Effect, bad rpg and terrible game. Maybe they would know how to make a good game if they hired talented developers instead of racist ideologues. I we want better games, we need to stop buying garbage like this. (0/10)


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