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  • Writer's pictureJames Stephanie Sterling

Metabombed: PUBG Is A ‘Literal Pile Of Shit’

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds may be a commercial success, but it’s certainly not smelling of roses. After being effortlessly surpassed by Epic Games’ Fortnite and facing criticism for its lackluster updates in the face of competition, PUBG’s lost a huge deal of any goodwill it may have had. Its recent missteps with loot boxes and a moronic premium “Event Pass” have only further tanked its reputation.

I’ve been thinking a lot about PUBG Corp’s ludicrous behavior of late, and grew curious to see how its critical reception among the public has been doing. The Steam page is already swamped with negative reviews these days, but how is that bastion of effective communication, the Metacritic user review section, holding up? Well… not great. In fact it’s been thoroughly bombed by angry people for months.

So it is that I must put on one of those yellow hats with a light on, procure my provisions, and descend into the depths of the Metacritic user reviews to bring you the best, the worst, and the most confusing critiques from the people of the world!

For some reason, Bestandy hid their text behind a spoiler warning even though it contains no spoilers. Plus, this is PUBG. How could there be spoilers in the first place?

The most deceitful developer of all. Initially, they bribed their lies, that they value the opinion of players, but they do everything the other way around thinking only of themselves. In that case, let them play in this horror in which the game has turned. (0/10)

RustyCoin lays out the main gripes fairly comprehensively.

Cheaters, monotony, some bugs and lots of crashes – these things are the main content of this game. It’s absolute boredom to play it alone/solo. It’s quite fun to play in squad but only for a limited time. Eventually, it’s starts to get boring. You get no rewards for playing this game, except loot crates and most of them requires a key to be opened so pretty much no rewards at all. I honestly can’t understand why ppl so obsessed with this game. And also there’s so little variety in this game – only maps (3rd map coming soon), developers haven’t added new weapons in game, but the main thing that is worst about this game is hackers/cheaters – constant wall-hacking, auto-aim etc. (0/10)

Meanwhile, that lovable scamp MrCrisx has no intention of mincing words.

A literal pile of sh*t. Do not recommend. A shame to the gaming industry that just wants to milk the money out of you. The devs don’t give a sh*t about the community. Really hope this game dies soon. (0/10)

This is the first time I’ve seen “hold my beer” used for a single entity, rather than one entity talking to another. That’s how it’s supposed to go, right? Like you could say Radical Heights was the most embarrassing battle royale release, then The Culling II says “hold my beer.” Anyway, here’s what buhduh has to say.

It’s almost astonishing how incompetent this dev team is. They took an averagely buggy game, with average playability, average stability, average net code, average across the board and said, “hold my beer.” How exactly does the progression of a game go in this direction? I’m serious. How do you take a decently rated early access game and literally **** over it this bad? I don’t know. I’m so annoyed right now, my only hope is that I can convince at least one person to NOT BUY THIS. it’s astonishing how inept Bluehole is, they are literally tied with EA at this point for companies that will never earn my money. (0/10)

Angryjack10 lives up to their name. Not only are they angry, you won’t understand jack of what they say after ten words.

This game is overrated, why? well… first off the game is slower than a turtle **** a snail, second it’s so goddamn buggy, and third it is so not worth forty **** **** worthless dollars once you purchase this game, it’s broken as **** question who would win at point blank, a man with a level one helmet and vest with a rifle or a bloke with a shotgun, level three everything, eghhh! wrong of course it’s the under geared gut why **** wouldn’t it be! Playerunknown if you read this, fix this **** game or remove it from steam and make it unplayable I don’t care it’s **** all of you’re games are **** including ones you’ve participated in making such as H1Z1, the only redeeming factor is the consistant every two second update whether it’s 26.4mb or 46.6GB they always come up I’d leave to take a piss for two seconds and bam another update and it’s like really another **** update, if you don’t have unlimited internet you’ll run out in two days max, so please save yourself the trouble and don’t install this overrated piece of **** (0/10)

And now for some of the strangest xenophobia I’ve seen in a while. Here’s lhmtgame.

Say NO to any Chinese products, games… Nature of Chinese games is really bad. Most PUBG’s players came from China. Global people don’t like this game. (0/10)

Xelluse speaks exactly how I’d imagine a 17th Century aristocrat might speak.

Quake Deathmatch with more players and bigger map and slow paced gameplay… So original… i should create game with bigger map and allow 200 players and then register it as a Brand New Genre!!! But no, i’m not dumb like developers of this game, who can’t even wright Dx11 code properly, dam, go to programmer school maybe ? Lags, bugs, glitches, cheaters in every single game, dated graphics, have no style, optimized worse than ARK:SE, very slow paced gameplay. Tbh, even H1Z1 is much better than this unfinished garbage. Only recommend if you want to make some cheap money on Steam, with bots you can run multiple accounts and grab around $40 per month, if lucky even more… Gl and Hf on Steam Market. 10 Steam trades out of 10.. (0/10)

And now for Naruto8909. All with one sentence.

This game is not good its still buggy and is very boring the game is literaly the bane of boring open world games and its very hard to find others and theres the stupid barrier and its a waste of money just play any other multiplayer games (4/10)

FrikiFrizzle accuses critics of tripping, then tells us PUBG’s gameplay is unique.

Voters here must be trolling or tripping. It might have some bugs, but the gameplay is rather unique. Best shooter out there with great tension build up, not the hasty childish CS go. (10/10)

Skurdsh managed to find wi-fi while perched on the world’s highest horse.

One-trick-pony with next to no real content and a draining and repetitive gameplay loop, this only got popular because it’s easy for 12 year olds with low standards to watch streamers play. I enjoyed it a lot at first I admit, but quickly realized that this game is about as deep as a bone-dry lake bed in the middle of the desert and will leave you just as thirsty. I guess you can buy it if you are looking for a game to stream and want to appeal to children, but if you have any actual taste I’d aim a little higher and just go down to Crown Fried or KFC to get that chicken dinner instead. (3/10)

Thank you Bolshaksa, for letting me get a sense of what happens if you try to comprehend an Elder God.

It is beta….. 50% of all time this game don`t work. Too bad and lazy programmist work with code for this game. Looks liek all this bugs will be never resolved. I recommend to investor just fired all this stupid team. Idea is no bad, but team who made this game is fuc#ing sh|t (0/10)

Some classic review ranting from Conald now.

How this game could get perfect a score should almost be illegal. The reviewers had to be bribed, because as a reviewer you can’t just ignore facts like game-breaking bugs, performance issues, connection issues etc, and this game has tons of it. Still after the “1.0” version of the game. It’s fun to play with friends only because of being like the only 100 player Battle Royale game out there that’s playable, that’s about it. (4/10)

Virefly’s is one of the best user reviews I’ve ever read.

I didn’t mind it. But I have to make this long because I cant submit this until it’s long. (5/10)

I think Syn_Tax has stumbled upon the biggest conspiracy in world history!

Why does Metacritic hide the real comments by people who actually play the game? When you click Games>PC you only see what the critics say. You have to hunt down the truth on this website. $$$$$$$$$$$ (0/10)

One of one users found this helpful.

Oh man, if you like buggy garbage that is only hidden and never addressed fully, you’ve come to the right place. First, lets look at the developer: A social justice warrior snowflake that cries about being bullied and then blames users as being racist because they inquire about region locks to keep out the Chinese hackers (which the game is infested with). So, you have that sort of brow-beating lecturing crap from the headshed right off the bat. Performance wise, you have a tic-rate of no more than 17 causing horrendous server performance because, guess what, they developed it on the Unreal 4 engine with too large of a player base for it to handle. That being said, Fortnite runs the same engine and same player numbers and is at least able to run a stable 18 tic rate. When I said 17, I meant you’ll basically cross that threshold, re-cross it, and then cross it again in what will amount to a graph looking like the skyline of the Himalayan mountain range. Instability. But oh man, you finally got that one game that runs alright, and things are finally looking up! Oh but the loot crate hoarder from Asia with a 400ms ping speedhacks up to you, kills you with a recoil hack, and then speeds away with your loot. Even when your buddies shoot at him to avenge your death, the client-side only hit detection gives him the advantage with a high-ping and they can’t hit him either. “Git good bro” is the SJW’s recommendation. You report SpeedyHackerino to the SJW, and your report is looked at 5 months later, as you notice the email is finally sent to you notifying you of such. A 3 day ban is awarded, and SpeedyBingBing is back at it. Hardware bans are racist says the SJW as he laughs while shopping for a new **** on Amazon with your money, soon after coming over here to MetaCritic to pay for that artificial reviewer score of 85. I’ll give this game one point for concept. I’ll give it another for potential, and even another for the small glimpses of actual fun that can occur when you’re not being plagued with server performance issues, hackers/cheaters, or hearing the developer run his mouth about how your opinions are morally wrong in between forging one-eyed purple headed warriors with his chocolate starfish. (0/10)

Fucking hell. After that complete gibberish, I think it’s safe to call it quits.


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